| Author | Message | ||
     greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7787 Registered: 5-2001  |
I will be glad to babysit. We'll connect about the details. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3339 Registered: 9-2003 |
I've always hated rollercoasters - on Monday we got the bad news.. no, wait, wrong films, news not so bad, breathe again. We had taken the day off as it was out anniversary (36), so when we left for the Keansburg Art's Council concert it was with releaved hearts. We got home around 11 p.m. and at midnight, while we slept, BIL was rushed to the hospital in extreme pain... blockage, perf, no bockage, maybe perf.. they still don't know. I had left for work when husband got the call - he called me and I looked at the pile of work on my desk left from the day before and said "pick me up" and turned and announced to the air "I have to leave". By 11 a.m. we were told to gather the family, in his weakened condition there is little hope of him being able to fight the rather agressive infection that has resulted from .. we don't know. The doctor said that he was not talking hours, but probably days. So we gathered.. and gathered.. and gathered and took over the waiting room. We took turns going to him to hold, talk, and will our strength into his weakened body. By evening, he seemed stronger, we left at 10 p.m. only so SIL could get some sleep. They will do more tests today to see if they can find the source of the pain. In the meantime, he is fairly well medicated. I'm going into my office now to address anything pressing, then I'll leave and head for Morristown. Please, those of you who talk to God, send up a word for BIL and our family. We'll also take whatever good thoughts the rest of you offer. Greenie - I don't know how you did this long-distance. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2791 Registered: 9-2003  |
I talk to God, and sometimes I swear at him. He and I will have words this morning, on behalf of your BIL and family. Good luck and good wishes to all of you. I'm sorry for his and your pain. | ||
| Soparents Citizen Username: Soparents Post Number: 396 Registered: 5-2005 |
SoOrLady, My heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. SOParents | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7797 Registered: 5-2001 |
The limbo and waiting are the wort part. And then sometimes you wish it would be over and then you feel guilty and then you realize that you really want what you can't have which is that none of this is really happening. I'm so sorry that your family is in so much pain. My thoughts are with you. | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 2311 Registered: 5-2001 |
Oh God, SOL, I'm so sorry. Waiting is just nauseating. It is such a roller coaster, and you just WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN and have some control--but you can't. I really, really feel for you. Prayers for sure, for him and for all of you. | ||
| sac Supporter Username: Sac Post Number: 3455 Registered: 5-2001 |
Sending thoughts and prayers and wishes and hopes your way ... | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7798 Registered: 5-2001 |
Debby - how are you doing? I keep starting to PL you, but I just can't. Yet. On my way to work this morning it struck me that I have no idea what my life would be like right now if mom hadn't gotten sick. I wouldn't have had to make peace with my job and who knows where that would have taken me. No regrets; I don't believe in "woulda shoulda coulda". But I do wonder. SOL - if it's of any comfort, Mom had several of those raging infections where no one thought she was gonna make it. She made it thru all of them. | ||
| Lucy Supporter Username: Lucy Post Number: 3801 Registered: 5-2005  |
SOL hang in there prayers and good Karma and strength to deal with this pain in your heart. | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1014 Registered: 10-2003 |
SOL-keep us posted..the prayer warriors as you know some of us are storming the heavens.... Love, B | ||
| Wendy Supporter Username: Wendy Post Number: 2496 Registered: 5-2001 |
SOL, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Wendy | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 2312 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greene - you keep asking how I am, and I keep meaning to Pl - but don't, somehow. I had been away from the board for a while and made the big, big mistake of re-reading the blog from the beginning. There were several episodes I had forgotten (blocked out??) that became fresh again, and it really, really hurt. I guess I'd say that in some ways I've been doing well, but in other ways I'm having a really tough time. I had my first-ever mammogram today, after getting the referral two months ago. I asked for it because I will be forty in July, and it's time. But as soon as I had the referral, it sat in my wallet and I couldn't quite bring myself to do it. Thankfully, it was easy and uneventful, and none of those evil "We just need to get another picture" comments. I'll find out for sure in a couple of days, but I'm glad it's over. I just kept fantasizing that they'd find something, and you know what haunted me the most?? Not "What's gonna happen to my kids?", but rather "How in the world am I going to tell Mom" Thanks for asking. | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 2313 Registered: 5-2001 |
Wow. Thread-killer, huh?  | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7822 Registered: 5-2001 |
No - just pretending to work. Last summer, I had my annual mammo & got called back. I didn't think that I would be nervous (10% get called back) but I was. They kept coming in saying "just one more" and squishing harder. I don't think that it was more than an hour or two, but I was a basket case by the time they gave me the all-clear. Amazingly enough, I seem to not be getting around to scheduling my PAP. I think that it's been 3 years. I know, I know..... | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3340 Registered: 9-2003 |
I'm over-due for everything. Waiting until "things" even out...2005 sucked big time in SO many medical ways that I went into family-couldn't-handle-on-more-piece-of-bad-news-right-now type of rationalization for putting off all those tests. weird, I know. BIL is hanging in. Still don't have answers to the pain source. Can't do any invasive poking around because the chemo he had Monday morning makes the blood too thin to clot.. or something along those lines. So he's got his little button to push for pain meds.. rests fitfully.. and occasionally surprises us. "Move! I have to catch the football!" Do you know where you are? "Yes goddammit I'm in the hospital, now move so I can catch the ball!" Later he wanted to get up.. he can't - hooked up to multi-tubes. We had to call for back-up because the four women in the room couldn't hold him down on the bed. That kind of strengh's gotta mean something doesn't it? Even though it didn't last? Even though when we left last night it looked like he might not make it though the night? He was alert this morning and carried on a rational conversation. I'm leaving shortly to go back up there, husband and I both had to do at least a 1/2 work day... too many things to fall into cracks if we didn't. Thanks for all the good thoughts and prayers... keep 'em coming! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7823 Registered: 5-2001 |
If it makes you feel any better, the irrational behavior, hostility and the escape attempt could very well be the morphine. My mom was a nasty nut job last year when she was hooked up to IV morphine. Half of what she said made no sense and the other half was not fit for daytime television. In the hospital immediately following her knee replacement surgery, TS's mom told her other daughters that they were horrible children for keeping her locked up and that she was going to go out the window to escape. Both calmed down and became coherent when their morphine was cut back. However, if he is in that kind of pain, cutting back will be the lesser of the evils. Ask his doc about it. | ||
| mjh Supporter Username: Mjh Post Number: 559 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greenie is right about the drugs. I've seen it a lot. There is also a real-life entity called ICU psychosis. People often get pretty nuts in intensive care situations due to severity of illness, drugs, no sense of time, etc. etc. I've seen this happen both on the personal (both parents and a sister were critically ill fairly recently) and professional level (as a nurse practitioner who used to do ICU work many moons ago). Minds clear remarkably when some normalcy returns. I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2797 Registered: 9-2003 |
My dad experienced this, and the nurses called it "hospital dementia." He was on some pain medicine, but they attributed it to long term stay in the hospital, coupled with disorder sleep/awake patterns. Even he knew it was going on and would say things like "I know I'm in my bed in the hospital, but I also feel like I'm sitting at the kitchen table at home and can see the stove, etc." Pretty weird, all in all. He never got violent, just delusional. Saw it some with Curt when he was in the hospital last fall. It passed, fortunately... | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7835 Registered: 5-2001 |
Don't know if I mentioned it, but when we were there two weeks ago, Mom asked me to scratch her back. The treatments have left her skin unbelievably dry. Anyway, I lifted her shirt and she had actually scratched sores into her back. Have you show this to the doctor? No, why should I? I put bacitracin on it. Let me see the tube (Mom is famous for expired things). Mom, this is dated 1998. Trust me, it has expired. You have to show this to the nurse when you go next week. Maybe they can give you something for the dry skin. No said like a petulant child. If you don't, I will call them. I gave her a tube of cortisone cream from my travel bag & made her promise to get some new bacitracin. After her appointment last week, I asked "did you show the nurse your back?" No. I will not repeat here what I said, as it may offend some Christians. So, knowing that she had chemo today, I called and asked them to put a note on her chart to look at her back. At precisely 2p, my phone rang. I was expecting it; her appointment was for 1:30p & it takes them about half an hour to do all the pre-chemo stuff. I have been banned from Ohio (yeah, right). I asked her "Why do you always think that I'm bluffing?" | ||
| LilLB Citizen Username: Lillb Post Number: 1727 Registered: 10-2002  |
Despite her protests, I'm quite certain she finds comfort and safety knowing that no matter what her mood, you'll make sure she's taken care of. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2800 Registered: 9-2003 |
FYI -- That Aveeno jazz with the oatmeal in it is very helpful. Curt is dry skinned as all get out, and often a little too dehydrated. That Aveeno really helps him. And agree with LiLB. Same with Curt, and his doctors have noticed. BTW, I saw his gp by accident last night when visiting the chiro. He was asking me how he was, etc. and I was reminding him that he owed me some recommendations on supplements. At that moment, Curt called me on my Blackberry, all perky, and also reminded the GP. I think the GP - being about 15 yrs younger than us -- views us as mom 'n dad like -- and will now go up to his room and to his homework! Also BTW: Curt's been pretty durned perky all week, and driving everyday. He'd been prescribed ProVigil to counteract the sleepy effects of Fentanyl (he's 12.5 now). Anyway, the stuff is really working. He's not speedy exactly, but he's definitely awake and doing and feeling empowered. | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1020 Registered: 10-2003 |
Cyn-That is the most upbeat that I have seen you write in a long while!!! Thanks for sharing the good stuff too!!!!!!! B | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2801 Registered: 9-2003 |
I know what you mean. I don't want to just tell the downer stuff, either. Just googled on Provigil...pretty interesting. Often given as a fix for narcolepsy! Does happy stuff the way cocaine and speed does, but not with the bad effects. I am here to testify to same. And it does "brighten mood." | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7836 Registered: 5-2001 |
Isn't it amazing how free you both feel? It's probably making Cyn Daughter happier too, although she may be too.... preteen..... to let you know. Let me know re: Aveeno needs. I get it at the Company Store. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2803 Registered: 9-2003 |
Yep, she does. She was home sick today and he was able to drive to the store and get her treats. And, he brought her a bunch of flowers and a teen magazine. Meant a lot. And, as you might imagine, I get so torn as to which sick person gets my attention (especially when I get the call at work, and can't easily leave). Meanwhile, be warned: the poor dog is fat, ungroomed, hairy and getting no care at all. She's a sweetie, though. The cat is self-sufficient -- her thing is to puke up anything other than dry food (she's old, old, old). Hamster manages. Fish (new member) needs a bowl clean before we go. Aveeno rocks. The one claiming 24 hrs relief with menthol is really good. Curt likes it cuz it reminds him of his best friend, Ben Gay. Still, I always have to remind him to do it as it's a little girly or metro sexual in his view to put lotion on. Except Ben Gay! | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2804 Registered: 9-2003 |
*sigh* The kid has had a virus for a couple of days, with a fever. Not done yet. Upshot? PO'ed kid because she won't be going to her friend's for the weekend. PO'ed mommy who won't be going to DC. Curt'll be going on his own. Sometimes I feel like I can't catch a break. I'm getting over it, but FUKKKKK!!! | ||
| doulamomma Citizen Username: Doulamomma Post Number: 1470 Registered: 3-2002 |
Well - this sux, truly. Now for the Mary Sunshine part (so feel free not to read further)- perhaps it's an opportunity to have a friend over for some wine or a movie in bed with sick kid? Hope all goes well with Curt on his own - if it does, I bet that will be a big boost to him. Also the fact that he was able to care for your daughter while she was not feeling well will (I bet) be something she will remember fr her whole life & must have felt great for all involved - just normal. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2805 Registered: 9-2003 |
Yep. I'll get over it. Just disappointed as all get out. Makes me feel, once again, like I just can't plan even the most ordinary family good time. I'm happy that Curt will be able to go -- had he absolutely needed me physically, and had I been feeling definitively like this was our last little good time together, I'd be more bummed (and torn). Personally, I hope to avoid everything on Monday. Sometimes I get upset and feel lonelier watching other families do normal things (parade, barbecue). It's easier just to avoid it. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3342 Registered: 9-2003 |
Well - he did not "go gently into that good night" - although we got the "get here quick" call at noon on Friday he stayed around until 3:55 this morning. We should have been prepared.. and yet, we are not. We thank those who sent prayers and good thoughts our way - one final request, please send us strength to make it through the next few days. PS: Cyn - I'm so, so sorry that you can't make this journey with Curt.. but like doula says, it will give Curt a great boost to be able to just go with his buddies. And, for what it's worth, ya got normal... the KID screwed up your plans.. not the Cancer... Kid's do that. It's normal. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2806 Registered: 9-2003 |
I'm taking it from you post that your brother in law passed away this weekend. I'm very sorry to hear this, and definitely sending you strength, prayers to make it through the next days. It sounds like it was a wrenching experience for all of you. You're right, about the other. And I'm taking Curt to the train this a.m. I'm over it -- I'll feel better when I hear from him in D.C. | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1025 Registered: 10-2003 |
SOL-I am so sorry...will check in with you later to see what we can do for you and the family. Love, B | ||
| Lucy Supporter Username: Lucy Post Number: 3853 Registered: 5-2005 |
SOL my prayers are with your family and your goodness and strength will get you through this next sorrow in your lives. | ||
| Soparents Citizen Username: Soparents Post Number: 496 Registered: 5-2005 |
SOL As with all the others, I am sending my prayers and thoughts of strength for you and your family. SOP | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 23106 Registered: 6-2001  |
I'm so sorry to read this, SOL. Please let me know if there is anything I can do besides sending good thoughts and prayers. | ||
| Wendy Supporter Username: Wendy Post Number: 2520 Registered: 5-2001 |
I too send my sympathies, good thoughts and prayers. So sorry for you and your family. Wendy | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1768 Registered: 10-2003 |
SOL, warm thoughts of you are in my heart. I wish you and your family peace and strength. Warmly, Lynn | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 2056 Registered: 11-2001  |
Dear SoOrangeLady - I am so sorry to read of your loss. I wish you sympathy and strength during this difficult time. Emily | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 2314 Registered: 5-2001 |
SOL - I'm so sorry to hear he didn't make it. I hate pancreatic cancer- it's an ugly, brutal disease. Prayers for you and your family. May his memory be a blessing. Love, Debby | ||
| Virtual It Girl Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 4507 Registered: 5-2001 |
SOL, I'm really, really sorry. Sending thoughts & deepest sympathies... | ||
| Scully Citizen Username: Scully Post Number: 546 Registered: 8-2005 |
SOL I'm so sorry. |
