| Author | Message | ||
     BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1036 Registered: 10-2003 |
I just need to post somewhere that I have had the very worst day...business wise...nothing that is jeopardizing my position etc...but a day that I am done with....I am out of town for the next three days so I am praying hard that my heart turns..because right now it is not very open or Christian...thanks for the vehicle to vent..... B | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 2102 Registered: 11-2001  |
BGS, I just saw this and my heart goes out to you. Having been through many rotten business days, let me say that I empathize with you and I hope that when you return to the office, this lousy day will be a distant memory. Thinking good thoughts in your direction.... E | ||
| Soparents Citizen Username: Soparents Post Number: 598 Registered: 5-2005 |
I'm with ess, when you care about what you do, bad days are terrible - it doesn't matter how hard you try, you get the proverbial slap from life, work and people and it's VERY hard to thinking nice thoughts about any of them. I wish you well, and hope that when you return, things are back to a level playing field. SOP | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1784 Registered: 10-2003 |
B who gives so much to all of us, I'm sorry about your day. One week ago you received flowers from your daughter. I hope that reminds you whatever it is, it's not about you. You just got stuck in the middle. Have a safe trip. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 23117 Registered: 6-2001  |
BGS, las is so right to remind you of that flower delivery. You've raised an exemplary and apparently delightful human being. Congratulations. And, as my Mom said in any unpleasant and possibly contentious situation I had: BUCK UP!! | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1041 Registered: 10-2003 |
Thank you all...I truly mean it when I say that your words have made me cry and maybe that is what I need to do...get it all out of my system... I am leaving for a conference and will not go back to work until Monday...I amm taking all your words with me and will reflect on them. You all are the best...thanks for "listening" and las, thanks for the vehicle to unload. Ciao! B | ||
| MeAndTheBoys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 3856 Registered: 12-2004  |
Seems like maybe getting away at this point could be a good thing. Try to put the ugliness out of your mind, focus on good thoughts (like the flower delivery, which, IMHO, is the best possible compliment any human being could receive, ever) and hope that things will have improved when you get back (as they usually seem to do). So many times it is so worse in our minds and hearts than it turns out to be IRL. I hope this is the case for you. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7864 Registered: 5-2001  |
At the end of the day, while it is the greatest privilege in the world to make money doing something that you love, remember: it's just a job. These are not the people who love you unconditionally or bring the true smiles to your heart. I also find closing my eyes and visualizing slapping the •••• out of my annoying colleagues to be very therapuetic. | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 6224 Registered: 5-2001  |
BGS - I hope the conference helps. A wonderful person like you certainly does NOT deserve to feel so bad. Cheers. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1793 Registered: 10-2003 |
I just received a call from my attorney who verified what I'd already figured out, that him earned significantly less money than me in 2005. I looked at our 2004 tax returns for comparison. Him earned less than me that year as well. How come I never knew that? So my attorney is fascinated by the fact that now that I'm not editing his work he's not earning much money, and a sign he is unlikely hiding earnings is the fact that he withdrew from his retirement funds last year. (I guess that was part of the well-thought out scheme devised with his shrink (the unprofessional who helped him figure out how to leave me but never once suggested he actually talk to me): withdraw funds from your retirement account then move into JESPY until you figure out where to go.) She (my attorney) is convinced I was his muse, which makes me laugh because it is a beautiful word, and it seems of late some people I know are using the most passionate, loving words towards me, when all the while the man I loved never even came close to making me feel this loved or special. He might have said nice things to me, but all of the horrible things he did last year have erased any memories I might have had of any loving words he declared. He wanted to rewrite history, he now has a rewritten history. Him crap notwithstanding, I am having such a good day my heart is literally bursting. | ||
| MeAndTheBoys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 3863 Registered: 12-2004 |
I'm so happy you're having a good day! You deserve it, and many more! | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 2284 Registered: 8-2003  |
happy day! how's the accountant? | ||
| Soparents Citizen Username: Soparents Post Number: 635 Registered: 5-2005 |
las, I have to say something, and forgive me for being intrusive. You say that you edited his work.....I think you did much more than that... YOU have a gift with words. You convey such vision and emotions, the power you envoke is palpable.. Someone like you should never have to be happy to sit back and edit someone elses work. YOU have a gift, a gift of putting together a few simple words and created such a visual and bone shaking picture for anyone who reads the words... a gift like this needs to be shared. Have you ever thought of writing? Your attorney called you "his muse".... that is a huge compliment to you because YOU are the one who held the gift. Now it is up to you to choose you want to share this gift with... sock it to 'em!! SOP | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1794 Registered: 10-2003 |
SOP!!! SOP!!!! I don't know why people are saying these things to me. When my 13-day migraine subsided I had clarity. Now people are saying these kind and beautiful words and they reach so deep into me I'm feeling happiness and pain and joy and sadness all at the same time (and a little I-got-dumped-anger for good measure). Suddenly I'm not missing my garden and I'm not mourning school and I'm kind of glad I no longer live in a clunky old house and live in a stress-free flat with really great neighbors who have become friends. Oh, ••••-it - I'm in love. I. Am. In. Love. And everything is just awful. And I am not clear I am confused and my insides ache and there is no place for me except naked in bed next to this man so that I can smell his smell which smell aligns so perfectly with the receptors in my nose. And we are not dating because I will never date. I just want to smell this man who is making me so miserable and everyone else so kind. I have a horrible life because I am in love with a man I will not allow myself to know but he has a scent that I smell all the time. SOP, thank you, but I don't have a gift. I'm just really simple and most people don't expect it. But I do have hatred and anger in me still, so I do think of being a writer for the sole reason that I want to be successful while him is not. Oh, wait: such is already the case - and I didn't have to write a word. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7876 Registered: 5-2001 |
 Do you realize that of the millions of people who have said "s/he'll see how good he had it with me", you are one of the very, very few who gets concrete proof? What goes around always comes around. We're just not usually lucky enough to see it. If it weren't a waste of time and energy to have any contact with him whatsoever, I'd suggest sending him $10 with a note that says "Saw your 2005 tax returns. I thought you could use this." But, you are thru with him so you won't. Nor should you. | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 298 Registered: 3-2006  |
Las, Listen to SOP---she is wise. Your words have drawn people to you---remember Smoochie?(and me?) and all the lurkers who read but never contribute? Words are powerful, and yours have given you a new perspective, new confidence and a new life. When I first read your blog, from top to bottom, I knew this had the makings of a publication. I think you should shop your blog----there is so much trash that gets published and your reflections---as well as everything contibuted here--- is witty, and wise, and wonderful---and a source of inspiration. There is no place for modesty or flagging confidence---remember to follow your bliss. You love to write---turn it into your career. Calli | ||
| Soparents Citizen Username: Soparents Post Number: 637 Registered: 5-2005 |
The hatred and anger will go - take it from one who knows... Take each good day as it comes, and when a bad one comes along, remember that you have good ones too. Try everything at least once, and if you enjoy it, go back for seconds .....and thirds You are a success, i think you always have been, but maybe someone else and their shortcoming and insecurities were stopping you from seeing it. Enjoy life, hug your cat, enjoy your mint juleps (try french martinis too they are great!) experience everything, and do it all with a smile. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 2285 Registered: 8-2003 |
"I have a horrible life because I am in love with a man I will not allow myself to know " If you think you have a horrible life because of this, I am only thankful you don't know what horrible is!  | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 23127 Registered: 6-2001 |
You've come a long way, baby! When do I get to meet the accountant??? Huh??  | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1795 Registered: 10-2003 |
After all your kind words I don't have anything intelligent to say. I'll have to write later. | ||
| MeAndTheBoys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 3865 Registered: 12-2004 |
Las is speechless! Hard to believe! Love ya. | ||
| Smoochie Citizen Username: Smoochie Post Number: 75 Registered: 8-2005 |
Las, and Calliope, Please don't think of me (and some of the other silent minority) as "lurkers" I can only speak for myself, but I'm sure there are a few of us that are here to listen (and not just up our post counts!) There is also the fact that some of you have been posting here for so long and seem to be such good friends, I feel like I'm in school, trying to get "into the clique" I don't want to be too intrusive. Other times I don't have anything additional to add that hasn't already been said. I am not a shy person so if I have something productive to add, I'll add it. Maybe I'm wrong but being a "lurker" sounds so negative. Thanks for allowing me to hijack the thead! You may now return to your regularly scheduled discussion Smoochie | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 300 Registered: 3-2006 |
Oh Smoochie! I am so sorry that you drew that inference from my remark, I did not mean to offend!(and this is one of the reasons I hate e-mail!) I cannot apologize enough. I pointed to you simply because you made such a wonderful comment and Las never knew that she touched anyone aside from the "regulars". I "lurked" for a long time before I mustered the courage to start posting in March. It was a careless use of vocabulary, and one I truly regret. I never realized it could be construed so negatively. Please forgive me. Sincerely contrite, (and more than a little chagrined  ) Calli | ||
| Smoochie Citizen Username: Smoochie Post Number: 78 Registered: 8-2005 |
Calliope I wasn't looking for an apology,and you didn't upset me in any way. I was just making the point that I'm not "lurking around in the cover of dark in my trenchcoat stealing secrets!" Please don't be embarrassed! I just get that picture of myself when I think of a "Lurker" I understand in e-lingo that's the only way to describe it. All is ok, I guess I've got to get some posting courage of my own!!! Any one know the virtual directions to Oz???  | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 23130 Registered: 6-2001 |
Look what a year can do: June 7, 2005 http://www.southorangevillage.com/cgi-bin/show.cgi?tpc=3365&post=398023#POST3980 23 June 1, 2006 http://www.southorangevillage.com/cgi-bin/show.cgi?tpc=3365&post=616993#POST6169 93 I'd say we've both come a long way! Calli & Smoochie, I love reading your entries. Smoochie, tototoo may be the one to ask about Oz! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 7886 Registered: 5-2001 |
Smooch - many of us are good friends. Ironically, it started online. It's online friending instead of online dating. Don't be shy. We welcome new people. As long as they are nice and kind-hearted. And (if you read the other "support group blog") not too ooey-gooey. | ||
| MeAndTheBoys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 3867 Registered: 12-2004 |
Smoochie, I think us "regulars" are also the kind of people that really enjoy hearing ourselves "talk!" At least I know it's true of me. But only in writing. In person, I'm really a little shy, but have plenty to say once folks get to know me. I kind of felt the "clique" thing to when I first became addicted, but then I talked enough and folks seemed to pay attention (sometimes), so I talked some more, and so on, and so on, and so on. So, just keep talking! | ||
| petite_mom Citizen Username: Petite_mom Post Number: 50 Registered: 9-2005 |
I guess I'm one of those "lurkers". Like Smoochie, I haven't posted much, but I do read a lot! It is really quite addictive. Las - My 2 cents, I'm impressed with you, both in how you have marched on, and how you have so eloquently documented that journey. I agree with Calli and SOP, your gift for words truly makes people smile. Loved your birthday thread especially. To all the "regulars", just reading how you all support each other makes me warm inside. Here's to las and all her friends  ! Maybe someday, I will feel as comfortable with this as you all are.  | ||
| Smoochie Citizen Username: Smoochie Post Number: 79 Registered: 8-2005 |
Thanks everyone! Petite_mom you are right about being addictive! Hi, my name is Smoochie, and I'm a mol-holic  | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1798 Registered: 10-2003 |
I couldn't post last night because my Ernie, the Orion of my not-so-small cat world, is a-scared of thunder. It was a pretty violent storm and my little hunter needed to both touch me and hide under the radiator at the same time. So I left my dinner on the counter and sat next to the radiator with my squished Ernie stretched along the pipe and my hand underneath him so he knew he was safe until he was ready to come out. About 9ish. By which time Al was finished with the Turkey Special #2 from Whole Foods that I left on my plate and my Ernie and I broke out the riccotta cheese. Welcome P-Mom. To you and to Smoochie, and everyone else, friends I have and people I know I've known for a year and I met on this Board. I reached out and MOLers reached back. At first I thought I was intruding into a club, but it turns out there are some genuinely nice people around here looking to meet and be sincere and make friends of their own. How lucky I am to have met some of them! Some of my friends have been hurt, and we initially connected over shared pains of sorts, but then we become actual friends; some friends reached out becase I needed to be reached; and some I reached towards because they needed to be reached. Now we are just friends. I am still in awe of the people I've met. To placate SOP and Calli: I will think about writing. (It's better than school...) | ||
| Smoochie Citizen Username: Smoochie Post Number: 81 Registered: 8-2005 |
Las - Please go for it. You are amazing! | ||
| Soparents Citizen Username: Soparents Post Number: 663 Registered: 5-2005  |
See, I wasn't the only one who thought so!!! So many people "think" about what they write, and a lot of the time is sounds fabricated. Since you never thought about it as it was more of an outlet, your words are raw, they are real, and I know that they should be read be people outside of this board. Your blog shows that you CAN survive, and only when you feel that you are rock bottom do you really begin to find WHO you really are. You my dear found a VERY good person. I'm sorry kitty was scared by the thunder - I would probably have joined him under the radiator as i'm not a fan of loud bangs (you will never see me at a fireworks displays.....willingly at least...) Hah! The image of me who is not the size of a cat trying to get under the radiator should cause a few laughs!!!!! | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1800 Registered: 10-2003 |
...and only when you feel that you are rock bottom do you really begin to find WHO you really are. You know, SOP, I already hit rock bottom years ago. That's why I'm okay now, because of all I learned to see back then. And I know it's because when you obtain your clarity it will always be there for you, even if you're not in a place to use it. I don't think I healed fully back then because I was always keeping myself in check in front of him and I loved him so much I couldn't see his flaws, only his pain (of which I now realize chronic pain/self-depravation/self-degradation is a major flaw). Last year when people kept telling me that which doesn't kill us... I kept saying I already had my bad thing, twice before - I didn't need a third event to make me stronger. But it happened and I'm okay. I don't know how, but I am. Maybe a little obsessive about the cats, but they are so loyal to me I don't ever want to let them down. Him never forgave me for being in such a bad place years ago. He held it against me and used it against me and was angry when I came around and tried to join him in his world. I rarely thought I was worthy of him since and I only wanted to love him and to this day I truly believe you only get one true love and he was mine. To know me you'd likely have a hard time beliving I was so dumb. Smoochie, SOP, Callie, P-Mom: I'll make some inquiries about writing. Thank you for your very kind, very supportive words. It's hard to accept praise, but thank you. | ||
| Soparents Citizen Username: Soparents Post Number: 668 Registered: 5-2005 |
No. Don't believe there is only one true love for each of us. las, an open heart will always find love, but it is a closed mind that shuts the door.. keep your mind open to all possibilities and the rest will follow... In the meantime, just have fun with your accountant..... | ||
| MeAndTheBoys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 3898 Registered: 12-2004 |
Today, for reasons I can't figure, I was thinking about how you were when I first met you that night over a year ago at your "pity party." Perhaps it was just because I didn't "know" you, but to me you seemed so timid and quiet and tentative and unsure of who you were. You were very sweet, but you sort of just blended in. Now, only a little over a year later, you seem like you are the complete opposite of that. As proof of that, you threw yourself a birthday party and put yourself out there and had a great result. Personally, I'm so very impressed with how well you've handled this all along. And I agree about your writing. There's absolutely no attention to grammar or sentence structure or punctuation or capitalization, or any other annoying "rule!" As a result it is completely alive! Actually, it's just an extension of how you speak, and it makes for great reading. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 23203 Registered: 6-2001 |
I'm hopelessly in love too but I do not believe anything will ever come of it. Except friendship, which in and of itself is priceless. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1807 Registered: 10-2003 |
SOP, I am in love with my accountant. I am miserable and I have a horrible life. Having an accountant is great. Being in love is awful. I can't get him off of my mind. I can't stop smelling him even when we are apart and each night we remind one another to dream of the other - and I do! I actually dream about him on command! Nothing good can come of this. Nothing good at all. Plus he is allergic to....cats. Betsy, nothing will come of my being in love either. Let me know when you crash - I'll meet you there. Again. Me - I was still shell shocked at that party last year. (And Bets - it was still too soon for you to even make it to parties.) And I'm only delightful towards delightful people... | ||
| MeAndTheBoys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 3900 Registered: 12-2004 |
Yes, I figured there was a certain amount of shell shock involved, but I do think you are a very different person now, for the better, of course. | ||
| MeAndTheBoys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 3901 Registered: 12-2004 |
No doubt about the shell shock, that's for sure. But I just feel you are a much different person than you were not that long ago. For the better of course! | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 307 Registered: 3-2006 |
Plus he is allergic to....cats. Dear Las, All is not lost! Take it from one who wheezes, and sneezes, and breaks out in hives, and whose eyes redden,itch, and run---from other people's cats. I am de-sensitized to my own. So,constant exposure works (sort of like aversion therapy---most people can't stick it out until they are desensitized) (WARNING: BORING, PEDANTIC STATEMENTS TO FOLLOW) The allergen is actually the blood protein in their saliva,which, of course they spread all over themselves when grooming. I don't remember how many feline blood types there are, but if you are de-sensitized to type A,you may still be allergic to type B. That's why if you take allergy injections, the serum should be derived from your OWN cat's hair. } There is a product called "Aller-pet wipes" which is harmless to the cat,but cleans the surface of the cat's coat. Allergies are a nuisance---and, of course, anaphylaxis is life-threatening,but that is mostly a result of something that has been ingested, So hair of the cat,is not as good a remedy as hair of the dog. Calli |
