| Author | Message | ||
     Bob K Supporter Username: Bobk Post Number: 11833 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyn, if any one has the right to an occasional "full core dump" it is you. I am usually pretty good in the empathy department, but I really can't imagine what you, Kurt and Cyngirl are going through. Try primal scream therapy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider  Post Number: 14726 Registered: 1-2003  |
So Cynicalgirl, are you saying Curt is done with chemo now? My daughter's bat mitzvah service is this weekend. After that, I will have a little time for giving rides, depending on when you need them, as long as I'm still unemployed. greenetree, congratulations on the weight loss. I think you could manage to reduce chocolate in your diet if you ensured that you ate only the highest quality chocolate. I'm not kidding. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2866 Registered: 9-2003  |
Nope, Tom. Just doing round 3 (2 rounds a month). He'll be doing it through September. So far he's driving, which is good. See how long it lasts. Thanks for the offer. You betcha on the congrats for weightloss, greenetree. Such forebearance! I am impressed! Yeah, these days it's hard for people to know what's OK to say. Plug: My kid is interested in mother's helpering or daytime to early evening babysitting. She's 12-3/4, good with the 2-8 age range. We live near Warren/Parker intersection. Let me know if you're interested. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8120 Registered: 5-2001  |
I am on my second conference call of the day. The first one started at 7am. Yuck. I sure hope they haven't said anything that I need to know. Right now the word "New Zealand" just hit my ear. Not sure what that's about. Mom has officially become a Lady Who Lunches. Her friends keep arranging lunches with "interesting people." But I want to work! says she. I have so many things that I want to do! Just say no, advises I. It will hurt so & so's feelings. I think that she thinks that I'm going to die; she calls every day or stops by on the days we don't Do Lunch. We're running out of things to talk about. Tell them how happy you are that you are working again and how much fun you are having teaching your class. That way, they won't be surprised when you decline lunch to prepare your lesson plan. But I want to sit in my garden and paint, too. Are you open to suggestions or do you just want to bitch? I'm thinking about it.... >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> I am going in for a quick visit at the end of the week. Friday-Sat. Mom was stressed because, as of Sunday, I hadn't told GMF that I was coming. Too much advanced warning is never a good thing. I'm telling her over lunch today, she threatened yesterday morning. Thank you, says I. I won't have to call her. She'll be mad that I knew first. Why do you still care? It's ridiculous and childish. I'm not playing. The three of us are having late lunch/early dinner after chemo on Friday. What do you call that? Dunch? Linner? Torture? | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8141 Registered: 5-2001 |
Just got home from dinner w/ Poptart Guy, Baby Bro, Baby's wife & TS. On the train going in, it struck me that we might end up talking about IT. That IT is what binds us together these days and we may have forgotten that anything else in the world exists. Not to worry; we discussed normal family stuff (like the insidiousness of DNA), politics, real estate and travel. Caught up on each other's businesses and work. Nothing about illness. Ate too much, the waiter was a snot and rolled his eyeballs when we declined to order bottles of wine and generally enjoyed ourselves. It was fun. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2882 Registered: 9-2003 |
Gee, greenetree. I end up talking about IT with my family too much, too. But my IT is Information Technology, the crap that I work with. Yesterday, there were lots of fights on the IT front. Then I came home to Curt and the kid fighting, and fighting in a way that was a lot like the IT fights. All and all, sturm und drang, and we ended up Toro Loco where I drank 1.25 margaritas. I was watching the level of the glass. DNA, huh, good God y'all what is it good for (absolutely nothing -- say it again). Curt just re-found his father, who resides in a sort of foster home for broke wayward veterans (Dubya Dubya tew) in the wilds of Maryland's Eastern Shore. This he decided to do on father's day. His father rather fell apart into a long series of six-packs after his wife died (IT/cancer), his son died (IT/cancer), he retired, and a stay with his daughter and son-in-law (aka Butterball) who utterly cleaned him out financially. Mind you, Stan the man always had a beer issue (his DNA is PA hillbilly; half of them gave in to booze, and the other half worked hard and tried to avoid booze through extreme Methodist religiosity). Anyway, Curt must've been watching me/learning all these years and he gave good VA phone etc., tracked him down and talked to him. I suspect we'll have a road trip at some point to visit Stanley. Mind you, on a good day Stanley has about 6 words to his name, so it shouldn't be too taxing conversationally. I have mixed feelings about all this genetic testing in the news stuff. I don't have the religious constraints a good friend of mine has. We did do what was state of the art 14 years ago on the wee embryo of our kid, but that was all about the usual suspects given my age (Downes, etc.). What would I have done had I known which exact gene carries this cancer? Tough call. I can tell you that when I'm in throes of dealing with it, I know the answer for me. And then again I think, with this particular adult-onset cancer, what to think? If one's answer is eliminate the carriers, well, there goes everyone but his sister? YEESH! Go back a generation and there goes Curt's mother, her sister and brother. Wish instead they could just repair the gene. I suppose one day that will be what can be done. Also, not sure I trust the government or my health insurance to give me good info on this...! | ||
| doulamomma Citizen Username: Doulamomma Post Number: 1589 Registered: 3-2002 |
Cynical, My youngest has green eyes (were blue, but turned) & blond curles...My husband is 100% southern Italian with olive skin, dark brown eyes & black (with gray) hair & I have brown (used to say auburn, but I'm more realistic now) hair, pale skin & brown eyes...genes are funny things & sometimes what seems so likely to happen doesn't...much like life, I suppose. My people have cancer on one side & heart issues on the other, but also a good assortment of women living into their 90's... | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8146 Registered: 5-2001 |
I never thought about that. We're heavy on the cancer on one side & heart disease on the other. Yet, my father's mom & dad were 86 & 89 when they died. And then there's GMF.... Our discussion last night was more about who makes faces just like Dad; how my dark and swarthy brother ended up with a blonde, blued-eyed daughter; how two nieces are little drama queens (like their aunt when she was younger  ), etc., etc. I told them about my recent coversation with GMF re: us spending all our money on Mom & runing out if she needed it. I thought my S-I-L was going to choke and pop her eyeballs across the table. We discussed what a nasty person GMF has always been & how she always was so evil to Poptart Guy and Mom. The problem, says Poptart, is that you expect too much from her. I don't expect anything else. I have to remind myself to call her every week. That's the point, says I, She's always been a real bitch to you and you still call her. Baby looks up from his steak and chimes in that he tries to call her at least twice a year. Pass the spinach, please? asks TS. S-I-L is busy picking her left eyeball out of the bread basket. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8195 Registered: 5-2001 |
Had a great visit with Mom. We did have a moment there when the subject of a home for the cats came up. I don't remember how it got started, but she burst into tears at the idea that Normal might take them. He won't cuddle and dote! He'll pat them on the head once in awhile and forget to take them to the vet! He's never had a pet of his own. They are never home (kind of true). You promised! Waaaaaaaaaa...... I calmed her down. I said "they will be loved and doted on. I just want to make sure that Poptart doesn't actually want them. He may be attached to the idea of having your pets. I don't think he would take them out of guilt. Waaaaaa....... OK - I wasn't going to tell her this, but it seemed like a good strategy: Mom, I am going to try and keep them. But, if it doesn't work out, my friend, Bets, is going to take them. She lost her kitty last year and feels very spiritually connected to what our family is going thru. You'd like her; she's the type of person who would stay home from work with a sick kitty. Stops crying, eyes my suspiciously as she blow her nose. Well, that's good. You should stay home with a sick kitty. But, I don't know her! Sniffling starts ramping up... Yes, you do. She gave us the matching suncatchers. Yours is hanging in the den. Oh my god! I thought that came from you! I never thanked her! I told you; you just forgot. You thought that it was very sweet. I told her that you said "thank you." So, now she is mortified that she did not call Bets and say "thank you." Then again, her memory is really bad these days, so maybe she doesn't remember that she's mortified. TS and two friends told me I just should have said "yes, I am taking your cats" to keep her mind at ease. On paper, I agree. But there just seemed something wrong with it at the time. I promised never to lie to her. Clearly, I am still on a learning curve. ************************************* Mom told me that her boss came up to her last week and gave her a big hug. She asked "what was that for?" He told her it was sent from a woman he'd seen at a conference the week before. This woman is highly successful in the business; all her clients are extremely wealthy. She told the boss to give mom a hug and pass along that she credits all her success to mom and what she taught her. My mom was her mentor when she was just starting out. In addition, the class mom has been teaching is filled to capacity every week, even tho it is optional. I guess the "youngsters" are coming up to her each week to tell her how well they are doing with the techniques she's teaching them. She's feeling good about herself and her life. I went thru a stack of papers on Saturday, looking for something which I of course never found. All kinds of memorabilia was in there: old Valentines from men I'd never heard of (go, Mom. She was what would now be known as a MILF). Dean's List letters from college and law school. One of my old report cards (I don't remember getting a D in French freshman year). Auto insurance bills from 1987 (Mom, did you ever pay this?). Etc. CAT today, results on Friday. She is supposed to go to Chicago for the 4th, but I think it will depend on the results. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2898 Registered: 9-2003 |
I'm hoping for good results for you, Friday. That is so phenomenally cool about her class, and the accolades she's getting. My dad was kinda like that regarding his elderly dog, when it came time for him and mom to go to assisted living. Brody would go to "a farm." Etc. This is what we all said, over and over. In fact, poor elderly Brody had to be put down as there was no where for him to go, and nobody to take him. Dad wasn't quite as attached as you describe you mother being -- he grew up on a farm, and attitude towards pets and animals was a little more distant. Still, we told the lie. Clearly your mom's cats have a different future in store. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8205 Registered: 5-2001 |
Yeah - I don't want to tell Bets ahead of time that Cleo & Ceasar love to argue over who gets to sit in the Big Cat's lap. I hope that she doesn't have too many white clothes. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 2470 Registered: 8-2003  |
"She's feeling good about herself and her life." as well as she should. She sounds like an amazing woman. Hope the results are good. | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1100 Registered: 10-2003 |
Sounds as though she is thinking about the future and sorting things out for herself...she also sounds like a very smart woman...you both are blessed to be able to have this time together.... (even if it does not seem like it to you right now) | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 23383 Registered: 6-2001  |
Wow. Way to make me cry at work. Please tell your Mom that your friendship is the biggest "thank you" she could ever give and not to sweat the small stuff! She sounds amazing, as always. <---------- Hoping I'll be catless for a looooonnnnggggg time | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 468 Registered: 3-2006  |
Greenetree & Bets, What a great gift from both of you, to provide for the cats. I am very moved by your tendernes. Calli | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2900 Registered: 9-2003 |
GREENETREE!! Go to a newsstand any this month's issue of More magazine (a really good mag for those of us over 40). Great article on taking care of parents, affect on career, etc. REally good. It's a cool mag anyway. I got myself a subscription when I realized I kept buying it and reading every single article. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8223 Registered: 5-2001 |
Yes, but then it would be admitting that I am over 40. Kind of like when TS smoked a lot but refused to buy a carton. It would mean that she wasn't quitting tomorrow. OK. I'll do it. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2901 Registered: 9-2003 |
Oh, pish-tosh! Most of the women in there are tres cool (as opposed to tres AARP). The clothes are cool, the career articles are cool, the pieces on finding a new gig, on money etc. I am sickly pleased with being 52. I often say I'm 55. I *feel* 35. Many of the best broads are over 40 these days (not all, just many). If I were in better shape, I'd be freakin' ecstatic!! Ann Curry is on this month's cover. Virginia Madsen was last. Not just a fashion rag though. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8226 Registered: 5-2001 |
Yes, but the "in better shape" part is the key! I have lost some weight, true enough. I just don't know if I'm always tired because of life/inactivity/age or a combo of all three. I don't spring out of bed on weekend like I used to (why sleep on my time)? I never wanted to get up on work mornings (not my time) so that hasn't changed. Then again, when I get up and moving, I enjoy it. I've been walking the neighbor's dog and am fine once we get going. I, too, feel 35 (great age - not too young, not too old, everything has the potential of looking good and comes with more wisdom. Although, the super-power wisdom hits at 40). I am just in some weird physical limbo. I'm sitting here with creeping spider veins and acne on my chin. What's up with that? | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2902 Registered: 9-2003 |
I have the acne. I have the facial hair thing. Both suck. Bleach is NOT sufficient so it's wax or Nair. YECH! Rest is livewithable. My grandma always said to me (she said): "You're such a girl!" This was when I was in my late 30's. I think she was right. Underneath it all, I'm more girl than not in the sense of still exploring, not quite growing up. I suspect I'll be that way indefinitely. I have malaise tied to Curt's ups and downs. Good news. His Ca marker is down. Bad news, he sleeps an awful lot (mid way through chem). I attribute some of my perkiness to my job, which is challenging and mostly good. I work with people 10 years younger than me. I am not in a position where I can sink into a psychological fat butt middle aged over the hill post menopausal rut (and believe me, I fit most all of that description). I do feel like, if my personal life permitted, I could take a transfer to Europe or Asia or ??? I mostly don't stare down retirement but feel in my prime, career wise. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8250 Registered: 5-2001 |
There is a tech at Mom's doctor's office who makes the most beautiful jewelry. I called there to talk to her about making me a necklace. I feel weird, knowing that they have patients with actual issues, but it's my only way to get ahold of her. Lord knows I can't rely on mom to remember to tellher on Friday. Then again, she remembers important things like jewelry and sales on QVC. BTW - no one had more fun than me this morning. I left my sun roof open last night. Spent two hours wet-vaccing my car. Choked on the Febreze all the way to work (4 hours late). Who says that stuff is odorless? | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2908 Registered: 9-2003 |
Oh, MAN!! What a drag...I deliberately wore flip flops for my commute, esp as I had to bring our obese, hair dog to the groomers. Turned out to be a wise thing given alla da puddles. Memo to self: I MUST make a plan to get the dog a little walk twice a day, etc. But, at least now she's not hairy and messy. Curtie-Pie got hisself to his chemo today, day 1 of 3. He's pooped, but still better than last year. So far, they're saying do it through July, then do the CAT/PET shuffle in August. I keep tellin' himself and myself that it's still better than last summer, by a lot. | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 14829 Registered: 1-2003 |
That does sound better. I hope he's proud of getting himself there. | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1104 Registered: 10-2003 |
Cyn-I do a little dance every time I read that Curt has gotten to the Dr's on his own...Thanks for sharing... B | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8266 Registered: 5-2001 |
Talked to the doc about her CAT results; not really unexpected. Not what I'd hoped for. I'm not going to tell her; she sees him tomorrow. I dunno. I spoke to her earlier; she asked (as always) if I'd talked to him. But, I gotta tell ya, he's amazed that she is still up & trucking. "Boy, if it were me....." he said. "Well, my mom has never done anything anyone else's way and she's not about to start now. She taught a full day today." I told him that she figures she has eternity to be dead, so she's doing everything she possibly can now. None of us know where she gets the strength, to be honest. The days she doesn't have anything to do, she sleeps. She's eating like a pig and maintaining her weight, tho. She's not, at this moment, dying. I asked him to reinforce that. Although, the worst part will be when she can't function; I hope that it doesn't come to that for very long. I reminded her today (as I do periodically) that it's not what the tests say, it's how she feels. Today she did say "well, that sucks because I haven't been feeling so great." I also remind her that even if she were in full remission, she'd feel crappy from all the stuff her body has been thru. Normal is on his way there; he's taking her to the appointment. I told him. He and I are both a bit worried; they are to go out to dinner wtith GMF after chemo tomorrow and we fear for mom's mood and GMF's safety. Well. Not really. I'm not too concerned about GMF's safety. We're going on vacation tomorrow. And so it goes..... | ||
| Soparents Citizen Username: Soparents Post Number: 1654 Registered: 5-2005  |
I have to say, your Mum sounds like a fire cracker - good for her! I put a great faith in mind over matter, and it seems that you and your Mum do too...She finds her strength because she has such a strong spirit and long may it continue greentree. SOP | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8267 Registered: 5-2001 |
Thanks, SOP. I come from stubborn stock, true enough. Tell us we're dying and we refuse to do it.  | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 2518 Registered: 8-2003 |
GT - I hope you have a fun, relaxing, carefree vacation. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3391 Registered: 9-2003 |
Greenie - I know I don't have to tell you to treasure each moment - you've done that so remarkedly well.. and with such great style and humor... the egg salad story is still my favorite. Have a great, great vacation... you've more than earned it... TS too! | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2911 Registered: 9-2003 |
So what are you doing for vacation? Maybe she'll give the old bat (aka GMF)a good tongue lashing. I hope, in any case, that your mom handles the results with what sounds like her usual aplomb. I take it things have spread, rather than held the line. Is she still going to away for the holiday weekend? I surely do hope you vacate well. You need it. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 23407 Registered: 6-2001 |
Greenetree, I know the worry will never completely leave you, but frolic in the waves and pet the rescued kitty and have good weather! I'm off next week too; my vacation is not going to work!!! (Except I am returning my canine charge on Monday and going to a farewell party for a colleague who's leaving on Wednesday, so it ain't like I'm visiting St. Johns!) | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8268 Registered: 5-2001 |
I feel like I shouldn't give details until Mom knows. She was going to go to Chicago; Poptart bought her a ticket, but I doubt she'll go. She was hesitant before and she's been very tired this week. For some reason, the thought that "at least she'll be here for her next B-day" keeps running thru my head. I think about the fact that last year on the week of the 4th, I spent the time puttering in my garden waiting for "the phone call". It was when mom was at her sickest, on the IV feeding. At least this year she can putter in her own garden. I don't know if Mom can chew GMF out any worse than she did last year on Mother's Day (her little present to herself; TS and I just ducked). The bizarre thing is that Mom is dealing with her own lifetime of anger issues with her (as she puts it) "biological mother". She doesn't even know the crap GMF has pulled/said this past year. And never will. Over dinner last week, Poptart, Baby and I agreed that, considering her "role model" for parenting, mom did a pretty good job. We're off to P-town. Didn't take a vacation last summer, which was a mistake. We ended up going to Nevada in September, anyway. I'm glad we're doing this; who knows what the fall will bring. Bets - that's so funny that you remembered about the cat! I need to get a "Free Ohio" t-shirt. I'm sure that someone still has some. Have fun with your holiday weekend, all. Of course, the weekend is supposed to be nice. I've been pool/dog sitting myself but the weather has just been too crappy. Since we're leaving town, it will be perfect pool weather. And they're back on Tuesday. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 23414 Registered: 6-2001 |
Greenetree, I never forget an animal in need - can't do it. If they have "Free Ohio" t-shirts, please snag 2 extras (one for me, one for a guy named Ohio). I will, of course, reimburse you. Have a great time and know that you have truly earned it. Hugs to TS. | ||
| Rose1 Citizen Username: Rose1 Post Number: 26 Registered: 3-2006 |
I am still pretty new to MOL, and this is the first time in the blog section. Although I haven't read all that is archived on this one, I thought I would throw a title out there of a new graphic novel. Mom's Cancer, by Brian Fies http://www.momscancer.com/ If you check out the site, you can see a bit of the story. The gist of it is: "My mother was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer. I made a comic strip about it." I've dealt with plenty of cancer over the last handful of years with my dad, three different types in all, and when I read this book so much of it rang true. It's heartbreaking, heartwarming, familiar, uncomfortable, funny, and insightful. If you haven't seen it yet, it is something to keep in mind next time you are at the bookstore. Or even worth seeking out. Enjoy the vacation :-) | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2914 Registered: 9-2003 |
I hear you, greenetree. Hope you have a relaxing vacation and let your psyche off the leash. And buy something frivolous. At this end, we're deciding/will decide tomorrow whether to drive down to Delaware Sunday to Wednesday to see some family, etc. Between the rains, the floods and Curt's fatigue from chemo, we're leaving the decision till the last minute. Still learning to go with the flow. Rose1, s'funny you should mention that book. I saw a panel/cartoon or two from that book in a JAMA or similar in the doc's office. It looked really good! My husband has been a cartoonist since boyhood, and while his art has dried up some during all of this, I've wished it would come back so he could illustrate some of what's gone on in the last year and a half. He did some good drawings of himself just after his Whipple surger, with IV and so on. He tends not to express immediate self through drawing, though. But! He liked that Maus graphic novel. I should get this one. | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 488 Registered: 3-2006 |
The Fies "graphic novel" and another, Cancer Made Me a Shallower Person were spotlighted on NPR's "All Things Considered" yesterday. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5521170 I think such a depiction strikes a chord in far too many of us. Have a great vacation, Greenetree, and I hope everyone enjoys the 4th! Calli | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8269 Registered: 5-2001 |
Yoiks! I just caught some of Brian's cartoons on his Blog. Too close to home; can't do it right now. | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1109 Registered: 10-2003 |
Greenetree and TS- Wishes for the best weather, gentle breezes, quiet moments specutacular sunrises and sunsets and all the hell that you want to raise... Have fun! B | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2918 Registered: 9-2003 |
Wish me luck, too, boys and girls. At 9:00, with car loaded, I drive to Middletown, Delaware. Curt in the back seat of the Pacifica with pillows, etc. I have to tell you I'm dreading the drive. On a good day, I don't like driving highways like NJT. Curt's crampy and miserable but wants to go. Kid is being an annoying, selfish twit. Despite best efforts to hook them both up with CD player/headphones etc. I know there will be "don't make me stop this car" issues. Though I will, at least twice. He's bellyaching already about not smoking in the car (no comments, please). They're both being awful. I told him to take a Percoset and I'm going to encourage her to take a Dramamine and I will hope they both go to sleep. More than ever, I understand why my Dad always left at night for our long drive from Delaware to either upstate NY (his parents) or northern most New Hampshire (mom's)!! Was gonna do 202 and stuff for more visuals though slower. Too worried about detours left over from flooding. Like I said, wish me luck! When I get there, if I can figure out logining in on my nephew's computer, I'll tell you how it went. In theory, back on Wednesday!! I'll be the one doing the speed limit in the slow lane, all the way down... | ||
| Lucy Supporter Username: Lucy Post Number: 4464 Registered: 5-2005  |
Greenie & TS enjoy your well earned vacation in the sun & relaxing waves. Recharge and hoist a few and just enjoy each other may the sun shine on you both. |
