| Author | Message | ||
     SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3394 Registered: 9-2003 |
Safe trip Cyn!! All good thoughts for a peaceful drive (both ways!) | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2919 Registered: 9-2003  |
We made it, and rather quickly. Fighting was minimal. Stopped in our old home town and saw a few friends. Profound homesickness, on every level. Then, drove to my sister's (she's coming back around noon today). Next up: load the man in the car and go see his dad. NOt doing this trip again till Curt's the other side of chemo and a bit well-er. I spend all my time seeing to his comfort, little needs, etc. I'm kinda worn. Needed to do this cuz of the old "is this his last summer?" sort of thing, but it's tiring. Maybe I'll feel better when my sister turns up. I tell ya guys, I have met some really wonderful people in Maplewood but it's really tough (still) to have moved in middle age from the place you spent most of your life. I so wish we still lived in Delaware, a lot because of old connections and networks of people we know and also expense. Sitting here in my sister's den on the 'puter I do find myself thinking about coming back to when the kid finishes high school. I don't want to change jobs (esp at my age, etc.) and Curt needs the medical care stability. I think I see why I've been reluctant to visit home again. Too hard right now. | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1111 Registered: 10-2003 |
Cyn- hope that your sister is there and can spell you a little bit with the care thing..."home" always feels good...hope that you can enjoy your time there and still come "home" to us who have grown to care for you and your family...without too much sadness.... Heart- B | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2921 Registered: 9-2003 |
Well, we're home early. Curt was feeling so crappy that we came home yesterday morning. He seems a little better just for being at home in his "pillow nest" and around his familiar stuff. Still, trying to get a follow up appointment for today (as opposed to tomorrow). When he gets like this he always assumes there's some magic bullet or big shot someone's going to give him. I know there isn't, and we fight because I get mad at his illiterate assumptions. It's caretaker fatigue on my part. It's like dealing with my parents was, and one expects more from one's husband (hah!). Kid staying home from rec program (fight, fight) and so now I know they'll both be at each other, each justified, with me in the middle. ARGH! Also, kid made it clear that she does not want to move till h.s. over. S'ok. Still gives me a goal. Besides, who the heck knows what life will look like then? Tomorrow will be better. Don't cry for me Argentina and all like that. | ||
| Brett Citizen Username: Bmalibashksa Post Number: 2546 Registered: 7-2003 |
Crap! My mom has cancer, both her sisters died from it. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3407 Registered: 9-2003 |
Brett - I'm sorry to hear you've joined our little club. In fact, it sucks when we get a new member. Hang in - we're here - Cyn and Greenetree will be a wondrous help and resource for you. | ||
| Virtual It Girl Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 4709 Registered: 5-2001 |
Sorry Brett...I'm hoping good thoughts for your family, especially with the wedding and everything. | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider  Post Number: 14927 Registered: 1-2003  |
Crap indeed! Super crap. | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1120 Registered: 10-2003 |
Brett- :-( B | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2932 Registered: 9-2003 |
Brett, that stinks. What kind has she got? We're here for you, bud. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 2544 Registered: 8-2003  |
Brett - ditto what they said. cancer sucks all around. I hope they caught what she's got in time.... | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 2027 Registered: 10-2003 |
Oh, Brett. I'm so sorry. Is it the same kind as her sisters? | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 23505 Registered: 6-2001  |
Brett - awful news. Please know that we're here when you need us (virtually and IRL). | ||
| Lucy Supporter Username: Lucy Post Number: 4592 Registered: 5-2005  |
Brett keep strong she will need your strong shoulders to lean on. Your in my prayers. | ||
| Brett Citizen Username: Bmalibashksa Post Number: 2547 Registered: 7-2003 |
I’m not sure of the severity of the whole thing yet. She has breast cancer and went for a Lumpectomy last week. The DR called and said that 5 of the 6 margins (?) were not clean so she will have a Mastectomy. That is 3 days before Bridzilla’s shower (  for both of them) My mother is her new mother, because Bridezillas mother sucks. When I know more I’ll post. Thanks for the good wishes. Greentrees significant other is in charge of comfort foods, someone tell her that  . | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8274 Registered: 5-2001  |
Brett- this indeed sucks. I am so sorry. FWIW, my stepmom had a mastectomy more than 10 years ago. They rebuilt her breast during the same procedure and pulled abdomen fat up to do it. So, in essence, her insurance company paid for a tummy tuck. Mom's BF had a double radical mastectomy 15 years ago and has been cancer-free ever since. Remember that technology & treatment keeps getting better, so she has every reason think that she will beat this. Don't know the details, but it sounds as if they don't have any reason to think that it has spread. Re: comfort food..... Whatever you need, sweetcheeks. Oh, BZ, too.  Seriously, PL me if you need anything. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8275 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyn - so Curt is becoming a traveller, eh? Good for him. Sorry that you have so much extra work out of it. I know what you mean about missing Delaware. We've been in Mapleberry 9 years & I've been in Jersey 17 years. It has recently dawned on us that, even so, we have no roots here. We've slowly come to the realization that, as dearly as we love our friends and some who have become family, we won't be staying here forever. Being near my family is out (Chicago - brothers) so we will probably head towards New England. The next five to eight years, I'm thinking. TS would like to retire when she's eligible and I don't want to have to keep pulling my present salary just so that we can afford to live here. I want to downsize to a small 2 bedroom two-bath condo with a garden/patio near water. But, we're not thru enjoying our house yet, so we're here awhile. Oh - the definition of guts and dignity: Being told on Friday that the 5th line chemo is failing and planting new perennials on Saturday. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2936 Registered: 9-2003 |
That's a freakin' kick in the pants on the chemo. Does this mean no more treatment, that no cocktail is worth trying? Good deal on the flowers. Maybe she knows something the doctor doesn't. Yep, medical care changes all the time. All the time. Right now, Curt's CEA is down from 24 to 14 due to the chemo. Hoping it continues to move down the line. When it gets back around 4 or 3 that's good. If we're lucky, his kind of cancer can be managed kind of like diabetes or other chronic ailments. Vigilance, periodic chemo, repeat. Because of the genetic angle, it will never go away altogether just hopefully cycle longer. This is my best hope, and I'll take it. My anniversary (14 years) is Tuesday and I'm glad we're both here for it. Yeah, greenetree, on relocating. Now, I've got it down to when the kid gets out of high school, or 5 years. We'll keep doing what we can with the house, certainly with an eye on selling later. Sweat equity is the name of that game for the most part. It's the expense, the expense, the expense of living here. I about cried looking at gorgeous houses comparatively near the Wilmington train station that cost under $300K. Certainly you could spend much, much more, but need not. And, yeah, the old connections. They don't survive 2-1/2 hr drives when the old friends etc. have kids, grandkids and their own issues. But, drop back in and all feels like old times. For now, it's a beautiful day. Have some steaks and twice baked potatoes ready for dinner later. Curt has been down right zippy for the last 3 days, which makes me think the gut ailment he experienced was lower GI inflammation as the doc thought. He tidied the garage, is planning on building a model boat and watched some of the World Cup. Pretty darned normal (course it couldn't be like that when we were in DE!) | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8296 Registered: 5-2001 |
No, mom is trying the next chemo. Not sure there is another one after this. It is so mild (like the last one) that her hair is growing back and she goes out for dinner afterwards. Good/bad. Her plan is to proceed as if she is not going to die any time soon and roll with whatever happens. ***************************************** We're going to OH for a long weekend for her B-day. Mom wants to do a day trip to Amish country. No problem. We can do that. But, what about GMF? she asks Tell her that we are going to Amish country and will probably stay at the Lake that night. But she'll want to go to dinner and some fancy restaurant. I don't want to get dressed up. Tell her where you want to go, we'll go on Friday to get it over with and I'll back you up. Fast forward two days. Remember that I never tell GMF I am coming in until 4 days before because she drives me nuts..... I decide to call GMF and "plan" mom's b-day as a favor Hi GMF. Oh, I'm so excited! Your mother told me that you are coming in for her B-day! Yes, I am. Note to self: slap Mom. The War Plans for dinner proceed. I thought that we could take her to the Bistro. Well, we can go wherever she wants. It's her B-day. Well, the Bistro is near my house and she likes it. Is that alright with you? It's fine. It's her B-day. whatever she wants. There is such good food at the Bistro. Why don't I tell Mother that you said the Bistro would be nice? That's fine. We can go wherever she wants. Wendy's or McDonalds. I don't care. Oh. Well. There is that other place she likes, but it's way out at the mall. We're talking the distance from Maplewood to Essex Green. Maybe. So? That's fine. I was with you guys when we went. She loved that place. Good idea. Well. There is so much traffic on a Friday night. You don't want to drive back and forth. Not something she is worried about if she needs a personal errand. What do you care? You're not driving. If she wants to go there, we'll go there. Oh Well. I'll mention the Bistro to her but I won't bring up the other place. If she mentions it, we can consider it. Want to scream "it's probably her last friggin' B-day. Let the woman eat where she want to eat you selfish cow!" But, I do not do this. I hang up and dial another number. Mom, GMF is going to call you and ask you if you want to go to the Bistro for your B-day. She is not going to offer to take you to the Other Place unless you bring it up first. So, if you want to go there, bring it up.  I continue: Oh, and after all we've been thru together, I can't believe you did that to me. Her: Well, I didn't do it to tell her that you are coming in; she wanted to know what I wanted to do for my B-day. The rest just slipped. Whatever. I talked to BF about Amish country; they're going with us. She wants you to come down and spend a couple days at the lake, you know. I know, but I don't want to. It's for her, not you. Yeah, but I need to make money. Why do you need to make money, Mom? Well, I want to. Two different things. Why? I want to recarpet the living room. So, recarpet. Use your 401k. There isn't a lot left after this last year. What if I run out of money? Look. Recarpet, paint, do whatever you want. When you run out of money, we'll just shoot you. It will solve all kinds of problems. Hmm. That's a thought, she replies. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2939 Registered: 9-2003 |
But if it's murder or suicide, y'all won't get the INsurnce...I like that comeback. She should do all that recarpeting and what-not. I take it she hasn't had any amours in recent times, or they've fled? Maybe she needs a 30 year old lover? I have to tell you, I'm getting close to driving to O-HI-O and having a set-to with GMF. I can barely take her in the telling. She really needs her ears boxed or something. But then, that's me. Winged avenger complex. Today is our 14th anniversary. We were gonna go out for dinner, but he's come up tired the last 2 days so we stayed in, drank champagne, ate cheese and smoked oysters. That was nice. He's asleep, resting up for tomorrow's chemo. I've been a little weird. I realized I went socially inward when this new seige began. People I was talking to in real life, things I was doing, I pulled out to go a bit underground with all this. So hard sometimes, the emotional changes, whiplash. I never know who/what I'll be. Hard to engage with the outer world given that, except for work. I. Can't. Plan. Or predict. Anything. I do distance myself a tad, from him, or I couldn't live at all. But really, this crap is tough. I even get tired of talking about it. So what does it all mean? It means...TIME FOR A HOME IMPROVEMENT PROJECT!!! It's either that or in vitro fertilization. I need a project with a beginnig-middle-end that I control. Maybe not the IVF then. Just struck by all these broads older than me having kids. | ||
| Bob K Supporter Username: Bobk Post Number: 12108 Registered: 5-2001 |
You smoked oysters? Unusual. Did you use papers or a pipe? | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2940 Registered: 9-2003 |
I find a bong loaded with Annie Greensprings is best for smoking oysters (shades of Eats Shoots Leaves!). Oh, and Godiva truffles (an anniversary present) for the munchies... Decided to "work from home" today as (1) boss is in Europe this week, and (2) Curt is tired. I'll drive him to chemo and such. I think it's a little the heat and humidity. Yesterday was the first day this summer when we all felt we needed a/c downstairs and I hadn't put Big Momma in the window yet. It's a a monster that really does effectively cool the lr, dr, kitche, etc. It was easier than I'd recalled (left it in the window over the last two winters, but removed for the painting project). Just have to remember to life with my knees (not great) and hoist like a Sumo wrestler. Having trouble getting the front grill snapped on, but it is COOLING. I think today I'll put Little Boy in the downstairs office/br/whatever room. Oh, and phone in to meetings and do some work. | ||
| red Citizen Username: Redy67 Post Number: 6314 Registered: 2-2003  |
I think that GMF needs a banana thrown at her... | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8316 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyn - if it's murder, does the killer forfeit their share and the rest of the insurance goes to the other beneficiaries? And I thought most policies had a two-year suicide clause. Something to add to the to-do list. Happy Anniversary. I see your point about the bong; it's impossible to roll them in papers because it gets too soggy. A pipe would do in a pinch. I've also carved pipes out of apples before, which would give a really nice flavor to the oysters, I'd think. Red - good idea. I'm going to the expert on this one. Brett can wing bananas while TS cooks comfort food for his mom (and anyone else in his family). An exchange of labor, with each using their core skills! | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2945 Registered: 9-2003 |
I'd think so, except I would think that if the murderer had dependents, maybe they'd lose out? Yep, check er out. Just took the Man to chemo, and am "working at home." He was tired, it's rainy. His CA marker is down 2 more points, which is good. No more gutt prob (CAT scan blank, must have had an inflammation). Good yucks with the onco. He was in the Peace Corp in his you. Came up because he had an Indian iresident velcroed to him. We were talking about how disgusted we are with the bombings, and generally terrorist stuff. Sitting as we were in a chemo place, it's hard to get it up for hot headed young men and women, religious nuts, etc. Old men sabre rattling. All especially when civilians and children are getting hurt. I'm not the "Be About Peace" lawn sign type, but the older I get the more weary I am of all forms of battle, and all rationales for same. And I largely loathe extreme religion, however well intended, regardless of type. Come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody get together and love one another right now... (Or I'll punch yer f--king lights out!) | ||
| Wendy Supporter Username: Wendy Post Number: 2717 Registered: 5-2001 |
 Whether you're in hiding or not, the above example of your humor reminded me why I must impose on you more when I next see you on the train. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2948 Registered: 9-2003 |
My apologies for being a hider. I kinda did it without realizing.. Yep, we really got animated, the two docs, Curt and me on this. Dr was recalling Sept 11, and some of the reactions of his patients who were busy getting chemo that day, watching the TV. All the reactions everyone else had, along with a certain extra given what they were going through. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8361 Registered: 5-2001 |
I told Mom that she needs to outlive her cats. Yesterday's conversation shed a whole new light on just what prima donas they are. Oh, did I tell you about Cleo's paws? No, what about them? She has the most delicate feet; she sits with one paw up and kneads in the air when she wants pets. Well, for the longest time, I couldn't figure out why there was always a bit of kitty litter on the roll of paper towels I keep next to the cat box for when I clean it. You figured it out? This morning, she was supervising me scooping (typical) and for some reason, I stayed in the room and watched her get in the box. When she was done peeing and covering, she stood up on the paper towels and wiped each front paw off. Mom, I'm not putting out hand towels for the cats. But she just likes to be clean! | ||
| Soparents Supporter Username: Soparents Post Number: 2108 Registered: 5-2005  |
 greenetree, that's a classic!!!!!!! I know cats like to be clean, but that is one for the books... | ||
| red Citizen Username: Redy67 Post Number: 6397 Registered: 2-2003 |
very cute Start preparing, next she'll be asking bon bons | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8426 Registered: 5-2001 |
5 minutes ago: Ring.... ring...ring....(actually, it's "When the Saints Go Marching In"; that's my cell phone ring tone for Mom. Yeah, I know, I'm warped.) I'm cleaning. Do you want your report card from freshman year of HS? What did I get? C, C, D, B, C, A, B. Oh. What did I get the A in? Chorus. What did I get the D in? French (I'd only been taking it since 4th grade) How about the others? What were the Bs? Art and History. The Cs? Algebra, Health and English. Huh. I must have cut class a lot in English. But it's funny that I got a C in Health, don't you think? Yeah, a riot. When you come in next week, I'm giving you & TS your anniversary gift. Mom, that's in November. Can we at least wait until you are on your death bed? You may actually still be around to give it to us. It's only 4 months early. And it's not that. It's just heavy and will cost a lot to mail. ***************************** Now, how can you argue with that? | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 3423 Registered: 9-2003 |
The kicker will be if it's in a QVC Box....... | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2966 Registered: 9-2003 |
Matching Laz-Z-Girl loungers? With heat and vibration? | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2971 Registered: 9-2003 |
At this end, the chemo has kicked in big time. Big mouth sores, fatigue. The heat didn't help. Everything other than chicken noodle soup, ice cream and mac and cheese is a drag. Plus, he's got a tooth issue. I'll take him to his weekly with the onco tomorrow, and see if he can even see the dentist. This is the part I dreaded, that we've been luck with thus far. Big fatigue, mouth sores, food issues. His car is in the shop, which is just as well. On happier topics: I've rediscoverd my mini chopper. He was pretty woebegone, and so I made (wish I'd thought of this last summer): Salmon puree! Last night's salmon he couldn't eat, pureed with mayo. Delish! Whipped potatoes with sour cream! Lots. Banana pudding (mush an old banana, mix with purchased vanilla pudding) Plus we talked about how he could eat whipped cream cheese off a spoon, etc. Ir realized I could puree just about anything. May try filet this weekend. He has requested hot dogs and beans! I did suggest rolling a stick of butter in sugar and cinnamon... | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8464 Registered: 5-2001 |
These are the times when it's difficult to remember that this is making him "better", huh? Can Curt do spicy right now? GMF is good for one thing: her salmon pate recipe. It's canned salmon (but fresh is even better), cream cheese, horse radish, spices, onion, lemon juice and liquid smoke (available at Shopwrong). Mini-chop it to mush & quite yummy. When he's up to it, it's great on slices of rye bread. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2972 Registered: 9-2003 |
Nope to spice. He can handle salt, and sugard, but spice is exactly a bad thing. His tongue is as if flayed (his description). Cottage cheese (small curd, creamy) he can handle. Chewing is awful, partly due to tongue partly the tooth issue. I just got up and talked to him. He wants to see if he can get a week delay on next chemo. Depending on the CA levels, doc may say yes. Also, next Saturday, a bunch of relatives are coming due to his birthday. I kind of hope he can get a week off, just one week delay, but we shall see. He's not suddenly like last Summer, but the mouth sores are killing him (along with the fatigue). That's why I got a bunch of individually packaged, easy to eat things cuz I knew he'd be more likely to eat. Along with Boost, in strawberry. *sigh* He can't do bread/toast/crackers as they moving it around his mouth and chewing is awful. I was dreading this part. | ||
| doulamomma Citizen Username: Doulamomma Post Number: 1614 Registered: 3-2002 |
how about that wonderful greek yogurt with good honey (which can be bought in single serve kits)? could be blended with blueberries & walnuts or whatever for some more healthy stuff there are homeopathic remedies for mouth sores I think...though I'm sure he's on plenty of drugs & adding one more may be more than anyone can take...still, I'm happy to look if there is interest | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8469 Registered: 5-2001 |
Did the dentist/onco recommend Glyoxide to help heal his mouth a bit? I don't recall that it hurts or stings. It's a mild peroxide-based solution that you swish around the mouth for a few minutes and spit out. The really cool thing about it is that it gets kind of foamy, so he can entertain Cyndaughter by pretending he has rabies. If he is having trouble with rich foods, Carvel makes a yummy ice-cream cake that will be easier on the tummy than Cold Stone (I'm thinking ahead to the B-day). Wait. What am I talking about? The man is eating sour cream and whipped cheese. Never mind. Me to Poptart (who will be at Mom's with his 7.5 y/o son, Z, and Normal on Mom's B-day next Tuesday): Mom's favorite ice cream is the place up the street, so get her cake there. Our family tradition is ice-cream B-day cakes Oh. I didn't think about that. Z would have reminded you. That's true. Do they make mint chocolate chip? I don't know. But since it's mom's b-day, I'm thinking you should get her favorite flavor, not yours. But Z doesn't like mocha chip. He'll live. Get it half & half. I'll order the cake for you. No, send me the phone number. I'll order it. I don't trust you. I don't trust you either. Get the flavor mom wants. Send me the number. I'll take care of it. If it involved anything but food, he'd be thrilled to have me do it for him OK, but you better get something she likes. | ||
| heart rn Citizen Username: Heart_rn Post Number: 182 Registered: 2-2003  |
Years ago when I was in the chemo club my doctor prescribed something called "magic mouthwash". It really helped with the mouth sores and swallowing. It is a combo of maalox, liquid benadryl, and lidocaine (if my memory serves me). Usually pharmacists will know what you are talking about by just callling it magic mouthwash. Good Luck | ||
| eliz Supporter Username: Eliz Post Number: 1588 Registered: 5-2001 |
Another super easy (high fat) thing to try - 1 cup of full fat greek yogurt and 1 cup of heavy cream - whisk together for a few minutes until thick. Scrape into a shallow serving bowl about 8inches in diameter - sprinkle enough brown sugar to cover the top (1/4 to 1/3 cup). Cover with plastic wrap and refrig for 12 to 24 hours. It makes a kind of pseudo uncooked creme brulee. It is delicious and you and Cyngirl can have with blueberries but it is yummy just by the spoonful for Curt. |
