| Author | Message | ||
     Barbara Citizen Username: Blh Post Number: 657 Registered: 5-2001  |
Las There's truly a novel in you ... your writing is fab. Barbara | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1103 Registered: 10-2003 |
las---you look so much better today than you did then....I only know you for the last 8 months...and I see a very big difference in you today from then. Keep up the good work and keep the faith... Thanks for sharing!!! Heart- B PS- good song Greene...it makes a statement or two!!! :-) | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2913 Registered: 9-2003  |
I can see you writing a novel in an almost southern style, dripping with sarcasem, real heart and personality the way a lot of southern women novelists do. Great story line, characters, drama...you've got it in you, kiddo. | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 6417 Registered: 5-2001  |
Las - You are HOT.... | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 23406 Registered: 6-2001  |
HOT HOT!! | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 2504 Registered: 11-2001  |
Caliente! | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 489 Registered: 3-2006  |
tres chaud! | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1982 Registered: 10-2003 |
My, my - I head to bed early and miss all the excitement! | ||
| buzzsaw Citizen Username: Buzzsaw  Post Number: 5187 Registered: 5-2001  |
bourbon ! | ||
| Soparents Citizen Username: Soparents Post Number: 1683 Registered: 5-2005  |
We finally meet! I look forward to having a drink with you sometime, not me at one table and you at another! and yes, you do have nice eyes  | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 2514 Registered: 11-2001 |
Soparents -- it was also nice to meet you.  Come join the raucousness (is that a word?) sometime. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 1984 Registered: 10-2003 |
SOP, I'm sorry to have hovered over your table for so long. I had it in my mind it would be funny if I could introduce myself just as you put an un-ladylike amount of food in your mouth. But you are indeed a lady, hence only dainty forkfuls for you! (ps: Your SOPpettes are so well-behaved - I was duly impressed!) Ess, after last night I believe racousness is now a word. | ||
| Soparents Citizen Username: Soparents Post Number: 1689 Registered: 5-2005 |
Believe me las, your timing only probably sucked as you DIDN'T see me shovel a load of nachos into my mouth... !!!!!!!! I actually succeeded in missing my mouth entirely about 5 mins before you came and ending up with nachoed boobs... and no, you didn't hover, I was really pleased to meet you. Maybe next time we can shovel nachos together?? | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 2002 Registered: 10-2003 |
For the life of me I'll never know how a person can share a bed with someone for fourteen years then dump them without a word. Does he ever wonder what would happen to me if I had a calamity or needed advice? Does he hate me so much that he just considers me dead? Is he afraid to see me in person like I am of him? These things come up that were part of our marriage and part of our life and part of the terms and it would be nicer than hell to have an inkling as to his thoughts on the matter so I'd know how to proceed. Does he have any concept that he not only destroyed our marriage and sold our house and stole my belongings but destroyed my education and the plans that I had? Decisions re school used to be so impossible because each time it was time to register we had to establish if he was going to LA or if we were going to LA and where would I be in time for next term. And no I don't miss him because he is a dead weiner and I don't miss his smell because I smell someone new who happens to think I am beautiful and him's cats are now my cats and don't have recollection of the dead gay man who used to scoop their boxes in an effort to bond with them because they have brains the sizes of ping pong balls and I am all they know. But school stuff is looming and because his name is on that stupid Agreement he has some final say over my education trust so he therefore still has some relevance to me. One minute I am sailing along, the next... c r a s h | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 568 Registered: 3-2006 |
And no I don't miss him because he is a dead weiner and I don't miss his smell Joan received some good advice for relieving the smell of a dead raccoon-dead weiner has to be similar--you might want to check that thread---but this still STINKS! First of all ,you are STILL sailing along,don't forget that! And if there is some ball-up with the education agreement that is going to muck up your very well thought out plans, then, the first part of your new education has to do with problem solving. We will put our very smart, very creative, very shrewd collective heads together to get not only what you want, but what you need. This is scary and confidence shaking,but it is only a bump. This is still going to be smooth sailing. When you have so many people who love you and want to help you----how can it be anything but? the very "furloughed" Calli besides, the only crashing you should be thinking about this summer, is that done to PARTIES! | ||
| MeAndTheBoys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 4173 Registered: 12-2004  |
Some day, in the not too distant future, there will come a time when you no longer need to have any connection to the dead weiner whatsoever. As Calli says, this is just another pothole in an otherwise smooth road that leads directly away from him. You'll get through this too. You've proved you can get up, brush off and move forward. | ||
| Soparents Supporter Username: Soparents Post Number: 1910 Registered: 5-2005 |
las, You can help Joan with her raccoon - just send your ex up into her loft and that carcass of a dead and stinky rockie will jump up and get out itself - it couldn't stand the competition.. You are not crashing.. LOOK at how far you've come. Calli is right, your first educational target is to sort this out, and sort it out you will. This has been your dream that through someone elses pigheadedness or whatver, you have never managed to achieve and now you can! He has no relevance to you, not now and not ever. He is irrelevant. So his name is on a piece of paper. That can get dealt with, but please see that you are so much stronger, so much more in control (yes you are, come on, admit it!) so much more aware, and so much more loved!!!! You can do this las, it may take some work and maybe a brainstorming session or two with ALL THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU, but you can do it. Can I go and buy you your pencils and pencil case for your first day????? How about a barbie lunch box??? | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 2003 Registered: 10-2003 |
Gosh. Kind of makes me wish I married you all instead. I don't crash or melt often these days, but this school thing is huge. So when I re-read that Agreement I reacall the fog I was in when I said back then, 'Yeah, whatever, just make it go away.' It was all so painful and so raw, that I was violated in so many ways by this man I still loved, and that I lay down for him to do it repeatedly. Now I look back and I get angry that I am now held to this agreement that has so little relevance to my reality, no freedom for change, no consideration for the way my life is moving, just an agreement between two attorneys and a prick who dumped my on my birthday without so much as a word. Sometimes I want to get him in a room so I can ask him what the hell he was thinking - he can convince himself to hate me but what about this work I want to do that will help so many? Sometimes I recall his shame over the way he broke up with his college girlfriend and I want to contact her (she did graduate Columbia in 1986 I believe - oh what a small, small world) to find out what she knew about him that I never knew. I think I have crashed. And I am at work and it's just the morning and I can't have a drink until lunch. | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 569 Registered: 3-2006 |
he can convince himself to hate me but what about this work I want to do that will help so many? Oh, Las, can't you see? He doesn't hate you...he hates himself, and always has, so sad---pitiful really. As far as being held to the agreement, that is a discussion for another day (and maybe off this board) Additional insight---20 years old---won't provide you with any satisfactory answers. Let that be. The only relevance she has to you now, is that, for however long, he deluded her as he deluded himself, and he then repeated the pattern with you. But he is gone now, you are into fun with numbers and your life is so completely different, right down to your dreams. And in this instance, "different" equates to "better". Money is just something that greases the wheels of life. But the wheels still turn, with or without the grease.(and not that everyone couldn't use a little "lube job" now and then)so the agreement is just a part of the new plan, not the plan itself. And darling Las, don't think about self-medicating at this hour with anything but }laughter---and I hope we,your friends, have all made you smile! C | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 2004 Registered: 10-2003 |
And now it comes back it just comes flooding into my brain the way it hurt so much during settlement talks. As it turns out I was not in a fog I was pained and in agony and hurt too much to think and I'd tell my attorney I just don't care do whatever you you want and she'd she'd tell me or write it isn't that way I have to make a consent. I can't, I would tell her, it hurts me too much, just agree to whatever you can make it stop. And she'd remind me she couldn't advise me to do that it was not ethical to allow me to just give up. And his lawyer crapped chickens when my outstanding car loan came to $195.15 more than my numbers had guessed, and he told my attorney her client should have been paying her bills all this time. I was. I just sucked at math is all. If him knew he was running away from home he shouldn't have been party to my purchasing a new car before his departure. And his lawyer threatened the whole deal was off when my student loan payoff letter was $95.39 more than I had estimated and when she told me this the pressure would rise and the tears would come forth and my vision would blur and every day I would sit at my desk and stare at my screen and swallow it down because I was at work and even though everyone thought I was crying I didn't want them to really know for sure. I hate having memories of things of the past that hurt me so much as this did. It's not fair that he stole so much of my life and so much of the things that were mine but left me with memories and left me with pain and decisions that I can't seem to make. I hope that he hurts and I hope he's a failure and I hope if he works again in his life he stays at MTV because that's where not-successful wannabe writers work. If he were meant to be a success he'd have been one by now. Some day I am going to put it in writing, all of the things that he did, and send it to everyone he ever met so they know he's a detriment to the world at large and if he ever gets another kitten or three I'm going to report him because he already abandoned the first three he got. And his wife. And it all comes down to my education. It always comes down to my education. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 2005 Registered: 10-2003 |
Ah, Calli...thank you. | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 570 Registered: 3-2006 |
And---if you want me to, I can put a BIG DNA(Do Not Adopt) on a Board that reaches most major animal shelters and rescue groups in NJ. Contact me with the specifics. "C" is for "cat" | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 2573 Registered: 11-2001 |
Las, you know he is a failure. You know he was a failure long before he ran out. It was just one other problem he couldn't handle. When he saw you so intently pursuing higher goals, of course he snapped. He was consumed with jealousy and failure and was blinded. Your education will happen. Maybe today you don't see how, but it will. If you want it, it will happen. | ||
| Soparents Supporter Username: Soparents Post Number: 1912 Registered: 5-2005 |
las, you say you hope he hurts and you hope he's a failure...don't waste any more thoughts on this insect. I don't care if he hurts or not, he's not worth my thoughts and definately not yours. I am sure he is, and will continue to be a failure, and you can add to the list of his failures, you. He failed you - do you see that? You have the world at your feet, each and every opportunity out there is yours for the taking. Now you choose what you want in your life and who you want in your life and by the sound of things you are slowly make progress towards understanding all this. It's very hard to look forward all the time when you are going through something they way you have (I have been there but to a lesser degree) and at times when you just can't do it all alone, you know there will always be people who will pick you up and carry you through. You are loved, you are appreciated, you are wanted, and you are and always will be a success... | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 2007 Registered: 10-2003 |
Meltdown over. (3.5 hours...getting better!) No desire to see him, speak with him, know about him, blacklist him from cat fostering, or even mail a list of his sins against my humanity to the networks. Worked on some strategy with my attorney, am a bit hungover from the mood, moving forward. Until the next education crisis comes my way, him is I R R E L E V A N T once again. Thanks all. Thank you very, very much. | ||
| Virtual It Girl Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 4698 Registered: 5-2001 |
Las, I think I may have told you about my mom's first husband. (My "father.") He basically abandoned a young wife, toddler and infant. There have been times where I felt like you did above. Wanting to ruin his life. I wanted to send him letters about my beautiful life and family. Then I realized it would do no good. I didn't want a relationship. Just wanted to get even somehow. Sometimes those thoughts still enter my mind. Will there be any money when he dies? Something rightfully mine? Then I think about the gifts I have that I created myself. You know moving on is the best revenge. | ||
| red Citizen Username: Redy67 Post Number: 6249 Registered: 2-2003  |
Well said VIG.... | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 2008 Registered: 10-2003 |
And wouldn't you know it: I saw him today. Because he didn't impact my day enough. I still can't understand how a grown man can run away from home and not go anywhere. | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 576 Registered: 3-2006 |
Another ghost sighting? Las,aren't you wearing that poultice of eye of newt,sage, lavender and MINT I compunded for you? You have to stop conjuring him up! Use your powers for good not evil!!! Calli | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 2012 Registered: 10-2003 |
SOP, Calli, Ess, VIG, Me, Red: I was a wretch of a wreck yesterday - I managed to allow myself to spiral out of control. I haven't spent a day crying at my monitor in a hundred years. Thank you once again for your very kind, very supportive words. You have no idea how much it means to me. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 2537 Registered: 8-2003  |
You held up well last night, no one would have guessed you felt like a wretch of a wreck. I hope you are feeling better today | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 587 Registered: 3-2006 |
 | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1114 Registered: 10-2003 |
las---chin up kiddo....heart- b | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 2539 Registered: 8-2003 |
it should also be noted that you LOOKED great last night, absolutely adorable in your baseball cap | ||
| ess Citizen Username: Ess Post Number: 2582 Registered: 11-2001 |
Yes, what Pippi said. Adorable, and fun to be with, despite your best efforts to the contrary. You are doing great, even when you think you spiral. Bad days are allowed, occasionally. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 23493 Registered: 6-2001 |
Las, I swear I hadn't read this when I saw you last night. You know how I feel about the cockroach: SQUASH!! You are an amazing person and have helped me more than you'll probably ever realize. VIG said it best (about wanting to know, damnit!) - it's not worth the energy of wondering. Some people are just empty shells and you and me happened to be unfortunate enough to attach ourselves to such people. People like us (cue Talking Heads People Like Us) can be generous at times and give away too much. We had similar situations last spring but obviously the circumstances were quite different. You are wonderful and I can't wait until you realize that too. Because then you'll start to trust again. Thanks for being my friend. It was really great seeing you (looking HOT HOT HOT!!!) last night, and Ess, Pippi & VIG are right. Again!  | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 2021 Registered: 10-2003 |
It was the meltdown, Bets. In general I don't want to know. I am just not stuck on it. The thoughts and the visions are fading as my mood improves, and as I come back to me him'll be a pain of the past. Until the next school issue arises. But when that issue hits I'll have the memory of the past couple of days to remind me to stay in control of my thoughts. I still don't know what you think I did for you, Betsy, but what you did for me... VIG, I do the same thing about my own father once in a while, wishing he knew a thing or two about me, then I realize there is no relevance. My Ernie is eating an avocado. I only want him to be happy. I still haven't forgotten my pledge to marry him. He's a loyal guy and he really does look out for me. My Ernie the mackerel tabby, and my friends, will always be here. And at this moment on this day I know that. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 23500 Registered: 6-2001 |
Okay, you got me, I'll tell you! Geez! You are tough! There was literally a kitten on my steps this morning as I left for the beach. Fluff-ball maybe 6-8 weeks old, most probably left homeless and motherless from the razing of my neighbors' houses across the street. He ran away when he saw me, but I left some water and tuna about 2 steps up from where I found him. He was 3 steps up from there when I got home but kicked my $$@ when I tried to catch him: I'm kit-bit! We're two stages along (I've fed him twice and he's only bit me once), but I plan to get him into a have-a-heart by Sunday. It may be a her, it may be a him, Minnie or Mini, but this will be the junior cat in our family. I haven't had an actual kitten in 20+ years; they're no trouble, are they? | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 2025 Registered: 10-2003 |
No trouble at all, Bets!  From his step ascention it would seem he's moving himself in with you and you shouldn't have to do anything but show him the master suite. | ||
| red Citizen Username: Redy67 Post Number: 6263 Registered: 2-2003 |
las, great to see you today. You looked so amazing! |
