| Author | Message | ||
     greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8474 Registered: 5-2001  |
Good Lord, RN. My monitor is starting to go & I swear I just thought I read "liquid cocaine" instead of "lidocaine". Same thing but better, anyway.  | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2976 Registered: 9-2003  |
He has magic mouthwash, and also (I think) the fancy stuff greenetree references. They do help. Sorta hoping he'll be ok'ed for the dentist, too. Really, the last 4 days was when this kicked in a big way... I suspect he'd prefer liquid cocaine, tho...! | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1159 Registered: 10-2003 |
Cyn- geez- I have been reading this daily looking for messages from you and Greenetree for your specific concerns and I am so sorry to hear your bad...hope this suffering is short term... B | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2978 Registered: 9-2003 |
Well, luckily he was a bit better when I'd got home from work at 2. Took him to the oncologist, who looked under his tongue, etc. and said "YIKES!" All raw, etc. But, better than yesterday. If it's not all healed up by next Wednesday when he's to start his next biweekly cycle, they'll postpone. I'm hoping it will be. The good news is that his CA or CEA or whatever is down to 8, which is 2 points down from last labs. Seems to drop 2 points per cycle, so while that is not the definitive thing -- a combo of the CAT, PET etc. next month or so will be -- that is very good indeed. Many jokes were made about painkillers, and greenetree's liquid cocaine remark. Jokes about sex, or at least lots of really fast talk about sex, etc. This oncologist has grown on me a lot I realize. I would recommend him. He is a bit snarky, but our relationship has, er, blossomed over time. Thanks for all the good wishes and recipe ideas, gang. One's brain and memory do rather deteriorate through this. We got big milkshakes on the way home, and that was pretty nice, too! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8503 Registered: 5-2001 |
The hardest part of all the time I spent in OH last year trying to get Mom to eat & fatten up was my inability to let her do things like drink milkshakes alone. I put on lots of weight during that time! Glad things are going well. I remember the first time I met Mom's onco was asking "are you the same Joe Onco who used to to clinical trials at Case?" He looked at me, puzzled, and said "yes." Good, I replied. I did a Medline search on you. I'm biased towards researchers. I think it took him awhile to warm up to me after that. I don't see talking about sex with him. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2980 Registered: 9-2003 |
Curt's guy is not naturally the sort ot make those kinds of jokes. He is not crunchy/social workery (thank God) nor is he a great and easy communicator. I do think he's a very good scientist type, and now our relationship is good. I think it's time and what we've been through together. Also, similar age and talking about 70's things, books. We don't talk/talk about sex! It was jokes, really bad jokes. I still find it interesting that the onco was in the Peace Corp as he doesn't look the type. More Ivy League, upper middle class, refined Jewish dude (this comes up because of his kids activities, synagog etc.). I can't imagine him with long hair, or smoking dope or listening to Led Zepplin -- which is some how my idea of 60's/70's peace corp people. I can't even imagine him on a kibbutz and farming and so on. Yeah, I've put on weight. Somebody has to (heh-heh). There's a think army guys do when they're shorttimers. Curt had made this map/calendar thing when in Viet Nam marking off his last 30 days. When he hit 9 he bcame a "Single Digit Midget." I was joking with him that that's what he is now. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2984 Registered: 9-2003 |
Oh,lest anyone think I meant he was dying, I meant because his CEA level is below 10! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8674 Registered: 5-2001 |
Happy Birthday, Mom!!!!!  | ||
| LilLB Citizen Username: Lillb Post Number: 2130 Registered: 10-2002  |
Happy Birthday GT's Mom!!!!! | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2996 Registered: 9-2003 |
Happy, happy birthday! May you get the dinner you want at the place of your choosing, with the dessert of your choice! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8676 Registered: 5-2001 |
 Poptart ordered the cake, so that remains to be seen. But, I'll take her wherever she wants to go on Friday. Last year, she had just gotten home from 3 weeks of being fed via IV. So, we had the ice cream cake on her B-day, but postponed her B-day lobster dinner until October. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2997 Registered: 9-2003 |
Oh, and with the company you prefer. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8678 Registered: 5-2001 |
Oh. Well. Glitch. GMF is coming with us to dinner, but not on our trip to Amish Country on Saturday! | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3002 Registered: 9-2003 |
Speaking of birthdays...next Thursday, August 3rd, is Curt's 56th. We have about 9 relatives coming this Saturday for a barbeque. He's really looking forward to this. Curt's mouth is mostly healed up, stomach way better. Still, he wants to get a break on this week's chemo to insure he's perky for the company. I'm OK with it if it doesn't somehow whack out the life cycle of the little cancer buzzards, and Curt agrees. I'm sure doc will advise him. He was downright energetic yesterday, perhaps because nothing was hurting. Plus, taking Effexor now instead of Paxil. | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1169 Registered: 10-2003 |
Happy Birthday GT's Mom!! Hope that it is wonderful and that you have a great weekend with your daughter and her S. Cyn- good news about Curt's mouth...hope that he feels good and enjoys your company. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3026 Registered: 9-2003 |
Update on the relative visit. It worked out pretty well. The ones from the Gettysburg area, Curt's two cousins (one with his little girl, about 3 yrs old) and his aunt were great to see. Wise acres, fun. Haven't seen them in about 6 years, largely due to distances and life changes. His aunt is an 80+ year old pistol, a bit wandering in memory but otherwise quite fun. Her husband died of the family cancer but as a 70+ year old man. The female cousin, about my age, was my type precisely, snarky and nobody's fool. She's a never married world traveller. Many boyfriends over the ages, but we all opine that her father's romeo tendencies left her a little leary of marriage. What's more, Wendy (great name you Wendys), is exactly like me in tidyness. She knew her mother would be itching to get back home by dark, and at the end of the food proceedings (5:00 ish) did about 75% of the cleanup, and exactly as I would. I love her forever. We were able to work together in my small kitchen, and outside, each having the same ethic of what to toss (most of the leftovers, and I had bought paper products extensively to make this barbeque effortless -- especially as I lack a dishwasher). Thank you, Wendy, forever. Come and visit for a week and my house will be spotless. Food worked out, nothing fancy, but effective. Good burgers with a variety of cheeses, Jersey tomatoes, red onions, lettuce and such. Hebrew National dogs, ditto on the toppings. Tried to stick to the ethic that says it's the company more than the food given how much I have to deal with, so bought the potato salad, mac salad, fresh corn on the cob, gourmet salsa, chips, nice cheeses, crackers, veg. Really, did not home make a thing. Carrot cake from Whole Foods and some mini cupcakes for those who don't care for it. I have become a person who is all about purchased good food and platters, good disposables, when hosting a party of over 8 people. A big trash bag and cleanup is easy. Curt's sister is suffering a bit from the fact that her son will be going to regular school, more or less, this fall at his own request. It's a "christian academy" that I know is a lot like a Catholic school in the back to basics thing. So, nothing too crazy in the indoctrination front, academics etc. IT will be good. The boy (entering 6th) has clearly had it with being at home. Curt's sister is, I think (and as always) about half mildly depressed and half suffering from her MS. It's not profound, but she's not been eager to do the appropriate phys therapy etc. Her husband (Butterball) is a bore and odd, but I do feel for him in this. He works 2 jobs and is about 60. I don't think by nature he's got much time or knowlege of how to get her to do the necessary. We're all hoping that she lives up to her resolve to get more serious on the PT etc. She has promised her son, and that may help -- but she's dealing with about 40 years of woe-is-me-ness and Eyore-ness os we'll see. It wasn't a treat exactly to see her, I'm afraid, mostly because she kept wanting to get me in corners and talk about all the familyl members who've died of cancer, and Curt's cancer and so on, and not in a terribly hopeful way. Meanwhile, he's out back manning the grill, laughing and having fun. I largely steered clear as, given his present progress, the last thing I want is to talk about death. Ironically, she seems to have dodged that particular bullet. At 57, it is most likely she would have had a round with cancer by now if she were to be subject to it. She gets colonoscopies and related, but won't do the genetic test though Butterball has reminded her that she could if she wanted to put paid to that. The other 2 cousins are thus far ok, too. All seem remarkably uneducated about their family genes, though all are smart and educated types. I begin to think its just a family attitude. They do the tests and what not, but didn't know what their lovely legacy is called, or the fact that it's not just colon cancer ordinaire. When they ask, I tell them what I've learned and they seemed interested. Maybe it's me. I've always been "the bear who went over the mountain" and the sort to try to master my circumstance. I'm the last person to believe old wives' tales, family imperatives, etc. I kinda hate that stuff as a rule, clannish pride and clan-defined personalities and ways of being. I guess it's because none of the clans I'm a member of had an image or future that I wanted! So, a happy pre-birthday boy. We're plannig (!) to go out to Gettysburg this October to visit. | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1199 Registered: 10-2003 |
Cyn- Am glad that Curt had the chance to be the man of the house and do the grill thing and enjoy the relatives...It probably did him worlds of good! Good for you for not trying to kill yourself either...your menu sounds wonderful and I cannot imagine anyone complaining about anything that you served. You are a super woman in my eyes and you have stamina that I cannot even imagine having. Take care! B | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8772 Registered: 5-2001 |
Sounds like a great weekend. I can imagine that you feel pretty good right about now. Just got back from O-HI-O. Left at 11:30a & walked in half an hour ago. Grueling trip, involving a hunt for the Holy Grail (fresh-picked this morning OH corn), a surprise trip to the United 93 memorial in Shanksville, PA, and lots of 78 construction. Interesting weekend; will tell more tomorrow. Must go to bed so that I can get up and go to the Bad Place tomorrow.  | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8814 Registered: 5-2001 |
It was a very bittersweet visit. We did lots of stuff; one of Mom's closest friends whom she hasn't seen in three years was there, too. The friend has a hard time getting time off from work, lives in FL and every time she arranged time off last year, Mom was in the hospital. Apparently, they both agreed that the visit should be when Mom was home. So, Friday night, out to dinner with Friend & GMF. That was pleasant enough. GMF called me every night last week to tell me how excited she is that I'm visiting, she hopes that I'll make more time for her than just dinner, blah, blah. Oh, she fell on the stairs a couple weeks ago. Just when I'm feeling a bit like maybe I should pay attention to her (you can take the god out of the girl, but you can't take the Jew out.....), TS reminds me of GMF's Greatest Hits over the last year. So, the guilt was quite fleeting. Saturday, we did Amish Country with Mom, Friend, BF & us. It was nice. Very hot. Mom is slowing waaaaaay down. We spent a couple hours, mostly driving but stopped in a couple stores and then had lunch in an Amish restaurant. I can't believe that I grew up eating all that heavy food. Stopped at BF's lake house after Amish (same area). We visited for about an hour and then Mom was tired & we headed home. It's jsut hard to see her taking an arm to stay steady or getting so tired so easily. But wonderful to see her out doing things. When we left BF's house and again when we took Friend to the airport Sunday, both women clung to me and cried. I got tears in my eyes when they did that, but pulled myself together before Mom saw me. I can't afford to get emotional about this right now. I have to stay on my game because the coming months are going to require every once of strength that I have. I'd told GMF that we were leaving early Monday so that I wouldn't have to deal with her. For some reason, Mom gets nervous lying to her, so when she called to see if we "got off" OK, I told mom to tell her that I was sleeping; I was sick and TS didn't want to make the drive with me not feeling well. She got pissy with Mom for not calling her right away to let her know. Why? Mom asked. She doesn't feel welll; it's not like you were going to see her, anyway. "As the grandmother, I have a right to know these things." Yeah. Whatever. I didn't want to spend the money on gas driving over to GMF's house because I have to save it to take care of her after her daughter dies (remember that one?). Sunday I fixed the garden. The saddest thing to me was to see the garden a bit neglected. I'm sure that some of it is the heat. But it's also the energy required to maintain it. I deadheaded, fertilized, planted 10 kinds of exotic herbs that I'd had sent to her house. BTW - anyone ever hear of "curry plant", for example? Smells just like curry! We all went swimming, Mom too. We went to the grocerty store. Mom got all this stuff that "she" was going to cook, but TS did it. They've been doing that for a year. Mom helps peel something. Monday morning, I moved all her furniture out of the storage facility that it's been in for 20 years. It was crated up, so she couldn't get to it. I had it put in a self-storage down the street from her. Took her down and showed her how to work the lock. She picked out a bunch of furniture that she wants to put in her house; she'll have someone swap it out for stuff currently in the house. I guess these are favorite pieces that she couldn't bear to part with. She'll get to use them now & change furniture whenever she wants. There's a weird dynamic with my brothers. She's getting more sensitive and they are getting more scared. Poptart is bringing in his family next weekend and she said to me that it would probably be better if they stayed with our Dad. TS & I both noticed that she can't get her bearings with lots of commotion around her. I know it's bad if she thinks it's better if her grandkids stay somewhere else. They'll see her everyday, but still. She's still teaching her class. I am working on Baby Bro to take the twins; she's afraid that she'll never see them again. His wife is not able to get away from work any time soon. I told him that I would go with him (two 3-y/os is too much to deal with alone). I figure that I'll wait until we're on the plane to tell him that I don't do poopy diapers. If he hasn't house broken them by now, it sure ain't my problem. Yuck. Next CAT in a week and a half. We're all nervous. I feel like I should be there for it. I don't want to. | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 818 Registered: 3-2006  |
It's just hard to see her taking an arm to stay steady or getting so tired so easily. But wonderful to see her out doing things. greenetree, ...and that is the bitter with the sweet. Hang in---you are doing all the right things. Cross the CAT bridge when you come to it,and for now take all the support you need (and even that you don't need right now)and know that you and your mom have not yet had all the great times together. There will be time for that. I am keeping good thoughts for your whole family. Calli | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3037 Registered: 9-2003 |
Man oh man. I get why your brothers are acting scared -- she's not being altogether her usual feisty self (the sensitive part). Good to hear she's teaching her class and some of that usual stuff. I don't know what to say except this must be really, really tough. Good for you you're being there for it. And TS, too. It's a great partner who will be part of this stuff with a person. They don't always. Understandable that you don't want to be there. Which bro's gonna? Good vibes at you...and, hey, most 3 year olds are not still makin' in their pants so hopefully that's a moot point. Also, why does the move Throw Momma from the Train keep coming to mind when you talk about GMF? | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3046 Registered: 9-2003 |
"The unexamined life is not worth living..." - Socrates Thinking about this and wanting to decline the offer. When I examine my life I largely get bummed out. Filling out the medical group's survey prior to my annual medical exam (a year overdue). Went already for the blood work, the EKG etc. I know I'll be given forms to schedule mammogram (still sounds to me like I should get candy, or a song, with it) and a colonoscopy. Hoping, of course, that the only news will be the need to quit smoking and lose weight as we have quite enough medical imperatives in my household. As we all know by now, I'm a caregiver, a sole breadwinner, a mother, etc. I'm also a 52 year old woman who's entitled to be going through menopause and the usual signposts of my age. Looking back, and reconsidering. Looking forward, and wondering. Not all of me has to do with being a caregiver, though a lot of my looking forward seems hopelessly framed by that. Once or twice I've commented on my fears relative to how I'll put my kid through college. Yes, at bottom I know that loans and scholarships will make it so. But what, oh what can one do about the utterly stuck feeling that medical conditions and money give me on a bad day? I know I'll get past this, but I must say it is exceedingly hard (right now it feels impossible) to start a self-improvement plan of any sort. I'm not a person who likes to fail, generally, or is easy with it. I mostly don't start any kind of project without first planning it and thinking it through. I consider the probably obstacles, the dependencies, the factors that will contribute to success or failure. I've succeeded at weight loss before, but never under these circumstances, and I just don't want to try. For me, it's all about exercise of the right sort. Gym based. Intense. Sweaty. I hate "walking" programs, and little lady-like forays. Also, my motivation in the past has been largely image-based: I want to look good/be smaller so I can wear cooler clothes and attract admiring attention. Well, right now I am not in the market for the attention, I can't afford the cooler clothes and my husband is largely interested in staying alive, not going out dancing with a hot babe. Too, every time I start something these days, World of Cancer comes and puts the kibosh on it with renewed, urgent needs, anxiety producing requirements, hard decisions and triage. I hate when that happens. And this relates intimately to the other thing I wish I felt up to tackling right now: smoking. That said, in my particular little world right now, smoking and eating fat and carbohydrates are about all I do that's even remotely "fun." Yes, every night I read detec novels for about an hour. And I watch movies. So, I'm thinking about seeing the doctor, and feeling glad that she knows what gives with my life. I'm glad that she never says anything idiotic, or impossible to achieve at present without hurting something else more urgent. She never says "make time for yourself" (a directive I hate; I am a perfectly selfish person who, nevertheless, must look at a list of urgent priorities and act accordingly) because she knows that I take as much as I can. Thus far she's wisely prescribed blood pressure medicine for my high-normal bp because doing the "natural" things I should do to control it are just not feasible right now. Equally, I can't "slow down and smell the roses." I can't move out of state to save money without totalling upsetting my kid, my husband's medical regime. I can't easily -- and don't want to, and it wouldn't be wise -- change jobs for more money as with it would come more hours. What I really want: 1. A blob of money to get out of some of the debt, which I am *just* managing. 2. A magic shot (yeah, I read the article) that will permanently irradicate the will and desire to smoke -- in me and in my husband. 3. Another shot to magically make the 40lbs I've put on in the last 8 years go away. Oh, and a magic shot to make my husband's cancer permantly go away. | ||
| Wendy Supporter Username: Wendy Post Number: 2906 Registered: 5-2001 |
My dear Cynicalgirl, how well you lay out your heart and soul for us all to read. For that I am ever thankful. If I had blobs to spare or a way to get those shots, it would be my pleasure to gift them to you and yours. Keep the faith baby. With a self-honesty as displayed, I have no doubts you will. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8901 Registered: 5-2001 |
I feel ya. I was talking with a friend last night about how these things make you examine your life (shut up, Socrates) and realize that time is short. I start thinking about all the changes that I'd like to make and eliminating things that don't particularly make me happy. But, the big joke is that we are in limbo. Can't make any major decisions, plans, etc. This is not the time for change. And when will it be? You want what you can never have. That this is all "over" and no one dies. Things go back to normal. The Way They Were. But, you will be forever vigilant about Curt and my mom is not going to beat this. Even weirder is how this has become "the norm". My brothers have chosen to ignore things; my mom is getting very cranky and exhibiting more signs of the genetic effect of her maternal DNA. Friends are still helpful but go on with their lives; we don't want to be here. Why should the people who have a choice? There are more pleasant things to think about. A week at the beach with the grandkids, war in the middle east, weddings, gas prices. You know people care but you can't help feeling just a little bit abandoned. We've gotten "comfortable" with this norm; it can go on indefinitely. Only it can't, because something's gotta give. And everyone's afraid of that. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3047 Registered: 9-2003 |
Thanks for your responses, ladies. I thing for me is that I am in this groove (and godalmighty it's been over a year and a half!!!) and it's more like a rut. I'm not sure comfortable is the word I'd use; more like "inured." Plus, as greenetree points out, every one rightly gets sick of you and of It. It seems to me similar to the thing where society allows you a certain amount of time to grieve, and then you're supposed to be over it. Except, we're still living it. I was exceedingly mean this past weekend, from Friday night on. Truthfully, I think a little of it was menopausal hormone jazz and hot flashes. And, normal person work frustration. And the fact that my kid has ruined not 1 but 2 cell phones last week in the washer (and they are necessary, more for safety than gabbing, so I need to find a way to replace at least 1). But some of it was my "understandable" frustration with the fact that I'm surrounded at work by people making vacation plans, etc. I can't vocally be Tyhoid Mary or the Sad Person at the Table. That's bad workwise. But right now, I resent the hell out of everyone who's life is pleasanter than mine -- sometimes. I identify with bombed out families in the middle east trying to survive under rubble, not people wondering about restaurants in Tuscany. Or even South Orange, some days. It's the inertia, the inertia. I do not want my husband to die. I do not want this to get worse. But sometimes I wish it would all get better, or I could see when better might happen. And then, alas and alack, most generally something bad happens that causes me to kick myself for being sorry about stasis. This shyt is very hard on your head! Let's hope I'm not being prescient here. Oh, and my kid's being homesick at camp (a first). Got a call last night. Personally, I think it's mostly that she can't fall into her readily stimulated rut with AIM, computer, tv and usual friends. Plus, she's in the older kids' camp this year (which she wanted, along with 2 other MMS girls). I know her too well. If I really thought she was recalcitrantly sad and blue I'd feel differently. Wish to hell I was at camp! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8905 Registered: 5-2001 |
Oh- I did book the ticket for the CAT results. Mom & Poptart are going at it. She gets hurt when he visits because he doesn't talk to her. Stays on the phone. Business calls. He was there this weekend (stopped in after a business trip). She is ranting about him leaving crumbs and messing up her house. He is coming in with the whole gang this weekend. Wife, two dogs (one not housebroken) and 3 kids. Her place is too small. Mom told him that they had to stay at Dad's. He can't because Dad won't let him have the dogs there (and Mom should?). So they will stay at a pet-friendly hotel. He asked Mom to go to the lake on Thursday; she said "no". That's the day of her class. He wants to do something else with the kids on Friday. She said "fine, I'll get someone else to take me to chemo." Poptart is very sympathetic but not empathetic; he's always been this way. The universe revolves around his kids. His perspective is that Mom should spend every possible moment with her grandkids & doesn't understand why anything else is more important or schedules can't be changed. I'll bet 10 to 1 that she got sensitive and did not remind or ask him about chemo. It's fear; she doesn't want to let him know that she doesn't feel well, can't do a day at the lake or have all those people around in her little house. So, old habits kick in. She gets angry at his "selfishness." Yes, he is seflish sometimes. But it is sefishness born of oblivion. He has a lot more patience with her than she realizes. They are too much alike. She rails on at me that Baby Bro has no intention of bringing the twins to see her. She may be right. But, she insists that it's because it's "not convenient". I keep telling her that it's because he's scared. Truth is, it's both. In this latest phase, Mom is finding fault with and is angry at, my brothers. She asks me things like "Am I wrong?" I refuse to answer. I let her vent. I have stopped trying to empathize or correct. So, yes, I am going to the CAT result. A friend would take her, but somehow I feel like I should do it. BTW - these 3 y/os do still wear diapers. They have decided that they don't want to use the potty, the nanny doesn't train them and the parents (whose job it is) don't. I tell my brother that the kids are going to get beat up in 7th grade when they are still shitting in their pants. | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 886 Registered: 3-2006 |
Wish to hell I was at camp! You are--but it is not lanyard-making,swimming,nature walking type camp---it is Ranger Camp where you have to fight for your survival everyday, become adept at obstacle courses and being tossed out of planes on demand. You have earned your Ranger stripes. I want to reach out to you, but really have no words.I could give you a lot of platitudes, Cyn, (Goodness knows I have heard enough of them---"one day at a time" "whatever doesn't kill you...") and I know, from first hand experience, it is all a huge heap of Happy Horse Manure. But life will change, you will get a breather and it will improve , eventually. And you will have had a gift that you can't quite comprehend right now. Until then just know that writing here is cathartic, you are reaching lives you never dreamed of, and will never know,and this is a lot more important than deciding which vineyard to visit in Tuscany. C | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3048 Registered: 9-2003 |
Those kids would be better off in high quality daycare. My kid learned effortlessly in same, and peer pressure/structure did it (along with not trying too early). I'm talking 2-3 weeks. There are some ways in which daycare can be better than babysi...OOPS!...nannies. I'm glad for you/her that you're going to the CAT in lieu of Neighbor X. Sounds like she's venting and distancing both. BTW, what are their wives like, the brothers? Sometimes husbands are hopeless pawns of their wives in these regards...and if the wives' are a tad selfish, well... Thanks, Calliope. Yep, I vent. Vento ergo sum? Don't remember my Latin much but venting helps (even nasty venting, when Lewis Black jus' takes a-holt of my soul.) | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8912 Registered: 5-2001 |
Just e-mailed Poptart about something and he replied that they might not be going to OH. Sigh. This is depressing. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3051 Registered: 9-2003 |
Oh, that sucks. Curious: would it be best if he went by himself (were he going) to Ohio, or is the entourage approach best for your mom? Sounds a bit like he's insulating himself with great pillows of business calls and his family and dogs. And, I'm taking it, that will be his rationale for why you should do it on your own? Am I nuts to think it would be cool if it were just you and your brothers for once? Maybe that's me. I liked time my sister and I spent with our parents, without my wonderful yet cruise-directorish b-i-l... | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3054 Registered: 9-2003 |
Well, fresh from my GP I'm pleased to report that I am fat and happy. Also, relatively healthy given my life, my overweight and my Bad Habit. My cholesterol and blood sugar etc. are good, my blood pressure well in line, my bone density superior (duh, I'm an overweight tall, Russian-gened big boned woman who used do weight-bearing exercise). On to the mammogram and the colonoscopy I put off last year. Yes, I get a minor league version of migraines (that was what the weird light vision things was about) but not to where I need medicine. Must all be genetic. I do eat pretty welll, though too much and I certainly don't restrict fats (particularly dairy fats) the way one might. So, all I need to do is take up some exercise (considering starting walking to/from the train this September) and quit smoking. It's going on The List. Curt, so far, is tolerating the chemo. He's got the cold sensitivity thing but he hasn't lost weight (holding at 118 -- I'm not telling you or him what I weigh but it's a LOT more than that). Slept like all afternoon when he came home, and then from 6:30 to 10. I asked Dr. Klein if she could do a Frankensteinian lipo transplant from me to him but no es possibile.. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8942 Registered: 5-2001 |
Curt's doc & Mom's doc must be in cahoots. He won't do the fat-transplant, either. You'd think with all the publicity about the importance of organ donation, it would be an honor for them to do it. Congrats on making the Dean's List. I have to schedule my mammo; last year, I was called back in for a redo, which made me a wreck. I have to schedule a colonoscopy.... high risk so I get to start early! I scheduled the 3-year overdue GYN for September - ugh. Now I just have to schedule the good old vanilla physical. Somehow, I was hoping to lose 20 pounds before that happened. It's supposed to be beautiful this weekend - hope the Cyn family gets to spend some times outdoors. Oh, Poptart did cancel, but he called Mom and asked if it was OK for them all to visit on Labor Day. Someone said something somewhere. Or, maybe he actually thought about it and had some epiphany. Nah. Not likely. Just glad he's going. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3055 Registered: 9-2003 |
I remember you and the mammogram. I had that when I first got one up here. Differences in equipment or some such. Yesterday, when my GP did the breast exam thing she noted that it felt like "marshmallows" not "tapioca," which is a good thing. Sez women who's breast tissue felt more like tapioca made it harder to detect worrisome lumps. Who knew? Not tied to fat either. I've never much like marshmallow as a food substance, but I'll take it as a positive physical sign. Good for you you're getting after this stuff! We (doc and I) put off certain minor league crap just because it's more cosmetic than not (a toenail fungus thing). My family risks are (and mostly lie with my mother's gene pool): adult onset diabetes (weight related), schizophrenia (would've happened by now), high blood pressure (life style related). My father died comparatively too young (79) largely due to stress of taking care of my wheelchair-bound schizophrenic mother. I say this because he and his brother were remarkably similar in all ways but that. Uncle Clarence is till kicking in the high 80's, scrawny as ever, and smoking. But his wife isn't a nut. My mother experienced every experimental drug regime of the time to tame her wayward brain, from thorazine to lithium and beyond. Best we ever got was dopey and inert -- which is, on balance, better than virulent, abusive virago, but still nothing much. Living with her was good training for modern corporate life in the metro NY area. However, she did give me good teeth and strong bones -- and a certain stalwartness in the face of the enemy (think WWII Nazi invasion of Russia and how what those people survived). Glad le Poptart came to his senses and up with a new plan. Yesterday, Curt was perky courtesy of Provigil. He made a good, fattening dinner: chicken cordon bleu (home made). I ate up, and so did he. Guess who it sticks to? Kid's at camp, so I hope to enjoy the nice weekend (!). Have some household projects in mind in the tossing/recyling vein. If Curt's perky, he'll be reading the Weber gas grill cookbook looking for stuff to do. Had his eye on Rock Cornish game hens so I imagine that may be on the menu. | ||
| Virtual It Girl Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 4946 Registered: 5-2001 |
I've never much like marshmallow as a food substance, but I'll take it as a positive physical sign. It's great that Curt's cooking! | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3056 Registered: 9-2003 |
ARGH! Curt's 2 weeks off chemo made his CEA level go back up to 15 (was 8.5). Doctor not worried, and in some queer way it confirms the specific efficacy of the chemo Curt's on. Still, I hate this crap. He's there right now getting the pump off (part of how it goes, 3 days of chemo in one week, pump off for a week, resume). It's dopey but the project manager part of me liked seeing those numbers go down. For gastro and colorect cancers, CEA is part of how they diagnose, and also how they monitor recurrence. Needs to go back to around 2 and stay there for a perior of weeks before -- from a CEA perspective -- the doc feels the crap is at bay. Also when it gets around 2 is when they'll do another set of CTs and PET to (hopefully) make sure there are no hotspots indicating tumors elsewhere. So po'es me off. Doc nonplussed and expected it. Curt had wanted the 2 weeks off around his birthday, and due to company. I said OK, but ask the doc whether it will have an adverse effect, over the longer haul on your treatment. This is not considered that, but I still hate this crap. I know, I know. I need to be grateful for how well it's going. And that he's all perky right now. I'd like to go in there with a goddamned vacuum and a can of RAID and clean his body out (totally unscientific but that's how I feel!) | ||
| mjh Supporter Username: Mjh Post Number: 748 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyngirl: I really don't think you "need to be grateful" for a GD thing. Here's something I used to do: Pull weeds from the yard and pretend they were clumps of cancer cells. Out! Out with you! F*** you, you're outta here! It felt good. Weird, yes, and perhaps not for everyone. This was some time ago, so I hope that the current condition of the yard is not reflective of the true state of affairs, or I'm really in trouble! | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3057 Registered: 9-2003 |
I can dig it, mjh. In case it's not clear, I am a physical person when stressed, meaning intense scrubbing, painting, sanding, root pulling etc. I'll put dreadful clothes on and stretch and pull and sweat and get and look ugly and filthy and just revel in it. When he had the Whipple surgery, a gf and I talked about this kinda stuff. Her husband had had something or other, which turned into a year long seige with fleshing eating bacteria. Both of us envisioned oourselves, Sigourney Weaver like, up to our elbows in blood just eliminating the cancer, "root and branch." Somehow, the very bloody violent images were most appealing. Part of me also wanted to watch the surgery, and the last one, to keep an eye on the doctors and to see the Enemy. Be about peace my left tyt. I shoot cancer with both barrels. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 8993 Registered: 5-2001 |
I'm antsy as hell this week. I was thinking about it driving to work this morning and realize that, if the doctor says what I expect him to say on Friday, I will, possibly for the first time in my life, have no answers or anything to say. When I talked to Mom yesterday, she was really crabby. I said "you are always crabby when you get a CAT, but today you're worse." I am? Yes. Well, I don't feel well. Mom, do you need help? You promised you would let me know when you need help. What are you going to do, send someone over to chop celery? She was making tuna salad. You know what I mean. BTW, I'm not telling GMF that I'm coming to town on Friday. I have no intention of seeing her. That's your choice. But I've decided that I'm not going to treat her like a child anymore. She'll have to deal with hearing things that she doesn't like. Mom, we don't treat her like a child to protect her, we do it to make our lives easier. Tick tock, tick tock. I, who confront everything, dead-on, balls-to-the-walls, do not want it to be Friday. I bought hand-wipes because I can't take my hand sanitizer on the plane. Nothing skeeves me out more than being in public and not being able to clean my hands if I use a public bathroom or want to eat something. I'm still trying to figure out why we can't take beverages purchased after security on the plane. If they are afraid of people using bottled water to mix bombs on the plane, they'd have to refrain from serving beverages onboard, no? If one more person makes a pronouncement on the thread about the teenager/chemo as to what this family should absolutely do, I will scream. Since I can't virtually slap anyone, that's all that I'm left with, right? To paraphrase (and steal) one of the best lines in recent movie history: You think you know. But you have no idea....... | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3065 Registered: 9-2003 |
Absolutely agree (pronouncements). I should just stay away from it. There are some folks you can count on, almost like talk radio listeners, do just gas about whatever. I believe they consider it debate or something. I nearly PL'ed you to vent, unadulterated. Your antsy-ness is too understandable, given one thing and another. You going to Ohio solo, or ??? I've had a distraction some of you would enjoy: Wubbulous World of Medical Billing. Suffice it to say that the insurance people were helpful and nice, the oncologist and his office same, the gp same. She who sucks is with the HMO's billing. I'd got one of those multi-page bills that show me owing over $1,000 but a note talking about a referral expiration. I blew it off for 2 weeks, figuring it was like last time and would sort it self out once it fermented a bit. Then yesterday I cam home to a dunning, dire letter from the HMO, so today I got on phone to them. After many calls all 'round, and notes, and using a good hour and a half of my employer's time I ended up in billing. The short version is that the lady on the other end wanted me to set up a conference call between/among HMO billing, the insurance company and myself to sort it out. I WAS LIVID! Got on the phone to the ombudsman (just to vent, and get it on the record). So now I'm a secretary for the HMO? What makes it suckiest is that unless I'm missing something, everyone is saying that it's all about using the wrong provider number on the bill. Meaning, that they used the umbrella HMO provider but not the specific doc's, too. Seems there's been a raft of probs between the HMO and the insurance co in this regard. Seems like billing ought to be reaching out within the pracice, no? Or correcting the bills, or...? ANYTHING BUT ASKING ME TO SET UP A CONFERENCE CALL FOR THEM!!!!! 'course all this would clear up if I'd just rocket down to Tijuana and put Curt on some herbs and elixirs. Or maybe we should just give up and let him die. Quality of life and all that. I'm in a bad mood. Does it, er, show? Curt seems to have thrush, or something a lot like it. Weary this a.m., mouth sore. Follow up tomorrow, labs, blah. The Friday I'll call and see what the CEA is, and hope the heck they're down. Then pick up kid from camp (who has written several letters saying (1) what a good time she's having, and (2) how much she misses us.) Meanwhile he swish-swishes, eat his acidopholus and whatever else he can stand. | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1244 Registered: 10-2003 |
Greenetree...there is nothing to say to make you feel better...I am sorry that you are in this place....prayers continue... B |
