| Author | Message | ||
     sac Supporter Username: Sac Post Number: 3708 Registered: 5-2001 |
ditto - to cyn and GT and anyone else who needs them. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 9004 Registered: 5-2001  |
Cyn- I feel sorry for the billing person after you are done with her. This is my only complaint about SMG. That and the idiot in podiatry. I gave the ombudsman an earful after a problem with sending records for an outside consult. The podiatrist ended up coming in on his day off and apologizing to TS. Have you considered calling the NJ Department of Insurance or Office of Managed Care (can't remember which one). Dump it on them. Can't the doc give Curt some Mycelex (?) tablets? TS has taken them before because asthma inhalers can also cause thrush. Yum, yum. Well, I'm going to OH alone. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing. I'm coming home Saturday. I feel a little like I'm running out, but I need to be home to unwind my brain. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3067 Registered: 9-2003  |
I hear you on the going alone. On one hand, going alone means only having to see to your own feelings en route, and not also your partner, brothers etc. Sometimes that's easier (for me anyway; sometimes helpful others are an energy suck though they don't mean to be). But still. Hope there's drinks on the plane. On other fronts. Good news! The ombudsman gave me the mgr and •••'t mgr names. When I called back, I got a helpful young man who let me know they were not that minute available. In the course of taking minimal info from me, he suggested that he could help. Chat-chat. Anyway, while I was in meetings from 12 to 3, he called back and left me an extended voice-mail telling me what he'd done to resolve, and acknowleging the internal nature of the issue (between them and the insurance carrier). Extensive, detail, action plan, no more dunning letters. So, I called back to thank him and got the idjit woman again -- who started to force march me through a bunch of stuff. Sez I: "Just have Warren call me." And hung up. Called the ombuds lady to tell her the outcome; she'd been looking into resolution, too. So, sometimes things get worked out but what a lot of energy it takes. In this case, the insurance company is FINE. It's medical billing in the HMO that sux. Curt goes to the doc tomorrow, and it may be that he will prescribe same. | ||
| BGS Supporter Username: Bgs Post Number: 1248 Registered: 10-2003 |
Cyn- hope that todays doctor visit was good...B | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 9027 Registered: 5-2001 |
10:30a Mom: I told GMF that you are coming in on Friday, but that you are having dinner with your father on Friday night and leaving Saturday morning, so you won't have time to see anyone. Me: Thanks, Mom. That kind of throws my plan to call her tomorrow afternoon and tell her that I've decided to take you to the doctor at the last minute & don't know what flights I'm catching. Mom: Sorry. But I told you that I'm being totally honest from now on. She'll just have to deal with it. Me: Yeah, but you were honest with my thing. Now she's gonna nag me for 3 days. Mom: Harrumph. ************************************ 1:05p Mom: Aiiii!!!!! Eeeeeeeck! Me: What happened? Mom: There's a mouse in the house! The cat brought a mouse in and when I grabbed her, she dropped the mouse and it ran upstairs. Me: Mom, where's the mouse now? Mom: In the guest room. The cat was trying to get under the dresser but I shooed her out and closed the door. Me: Mom, let the cat back into the guest room so that she can keep it cornered. Mom: No! I'm not going near there. Me: very patiently Mom, if you leave the mouse in there, you don't know where it will go. In the bed, closet, under something, under the door. It will stay where the cat corners it. Let her in until someone can come get it. Mom: Kim's coming at 5p. Me: You will have no idea where it is by then. Let the cat in the bedroom. Mom: Then you can get it when you come in Friday morning. giggle That's where you sleep, anyway. Me: No, I'm sleeping in your bedroom and you are sleeping in the friggin' guest room if you don't get the mouse. Look, do this - take a deep plastic bucket, put a glob of peanut butter in the bottom and put a piece of cardboard or something to make a ramp. The mouse will climb up, fall in and it will stay trapped until Kim gets there. But you have to do it soon, before it escapes. Please let the cat into the room while you gather the supplies. Mom: I already went in there with a bucket and cardboard. It didn't work. Me: This isn't NASCAR. You can't flag it in. Get the peanut butter and make the trap. **************** I called back a few moments ago; she's on the other line. I'm not liking her very much right now.  | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3075 Registered: 9-2003 |
greenetree, I think you should get a biker/bounty hunter outfit for the cat. Maybe some prison stripes or a sort of rapper/thug dude outfit for the mouse. Would create hours of enjoyment watching them! Then, an soundtrack... Glad yer mom is being herself! BGS, doc said the CEA rise was to be expected. He doesn't seem alarmed. Curt doesn't have thrush, but they may tweak the amount of 5FU in the mix. Mouth was better today. Next week, I'll be going with him as he starts the latest 3 day round o' fun. He can still drive okey-doke, but I'll be off work and like to show my face at the new location, see my nursey buddies and so on. Meanwhile, my buddy Warren-in-accounting at the doctor group/HMO called to me they are sorting this out, and that I can always call him directly by name if I get another bill mess. They've been meeting on this as apparently my call to the Om-buds-lady actually generated some heat. Guess my most badasss self did the trick! I actually said some things I am embarrassed about, like "Look, I'm a Vice President at an insurance company. I have an MBA, and I know how to use it. What you suggest is ABSURD!!!" While I can be a jerk in real life, I am not a person who thinks an MBA means much about a person, or credentials, and my title actually equates to remarkably few dollars. But! Any port in a storm. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 9031 Registered: 5-2001 |
That's not jerky at all. Like you said, use what you can. I've been known to quote statistics at people in animated staccato voice. Last week, I was telling off a guy from a collection agency that has been hassassing Mom. By the time I was finished, he was stammering. A cow-orker came into my cube and asked if I could teach her to talk to people like that.  I forgot that SMG was moving. Is the oncology center in the new location as well? How convenient. Glad to hear that things are rolling along. BTW - I was cleaning off my desk last night and came across the bottles of Aveeno that I'd gotten for Curt & proceeded to forget about. I have to get them to you. Mom just called. She never put the cat in the bedroom and she made a ramp to go in & out of the bucket. I told her that the exit ramp defeats the purpose. I do not understand how this woman is so accomplished and raised four relatively intelligent, professional, non-felon children and can't manage to catch a mouse. | ||
| Calliope Citizen Username: Calliope Post Number: 958 Registered: 3-2006  |
I do not understand how this woman is so accomplished and raised four relatively intelligent, professional, non-felon children and can't manage to catch a mouse. Because she doesn't want to---  Calli maybe it is the karmic wheel turning | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 9047 Registered: 5-2001 |
I'm home. I avoided checking in on MOL while I was at Mom's because I just didn't want to deal. I've got lots of stuff to post, but am just not up to it. I found myself picking a fight with TS tonight. I realize that I've done this at the end of some of the hardest visits. It allows me to get a good cry in. I must stop this behavior. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3081 Registered: 9-2003 |
You can fight with me if you want. I'm ashamed to say I get pugnacious when stressed, too. Really, if you want someone just a tad distant to vent on (live or otherwise)... | ||
| Soparents Supporter Username: Soparents Post Number: 2712 Registered: 5-2005  |
greenetree, Another place to scream/shout/pummel etc. I am here whenever you want to vent. SOP | ||
| Wendy Supporter Username: Wendy Post Number: 3014 Registered: 5-2001 |
Yo, your friendly masochist volunteering as well. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 2189 Registered: 10-2003  |
Since you seem so to have enough victims, I can safely inform you I am available to eat, drink and lounge around your yard for the afternoon.  | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 9060 Registered: 5-2001 |
So, where were you, Las? All, while I thank you for the kind offer, it may be too much work. I have no ingrained, subconcious way to push your buttons. But, all is well now. Brief update: No, I did not see GMF, who is 'injured' at my neglect. Screw her. The liver lesions have expanded and there are more of them. The last time I spoke to the doctor, she'd done all the regimens possible. But, when we got to the appointment, the doc came up with one more. It really perked up her mood that there is yet another thing to try. I was happy, but realize that it is pretty much more for her spirits than anything else. This chemo is a little stronger and I'm not sure that it won't wipe her out. They are giving it in tiny doses. She told the doc that she can't die yet because she has to finish teaching her students a few more things. He sits in the room and jokes with us; he looks whipped when he talks to her. You can tell it upsets him. But, she still looks fabulous. Quite the fashion plate. I look around the chemo room at people in sweats and head scarves. Not my mom. One of the nurses told me that every time she comes in, even when she doesn't see the doc, he looks at here, shakes his head and just says "That Greenemom. She's amazing." There was a woman hooked up in the next chair when my mom sat down. The nurse told mom that it was the woman's first day, introduced them and asked mom to give her pointers. They started chatting away. I finally talked her into getting a disabled parking placard "just in case." So, I ran to DMV while she was finishing chemo (15 minutes, in & out of DMV, what a trip). When I came back, the new woman was leaving with her husband. She saw me, got out of her car and came over to where I was parking. "Your mom is so great," she says. "I hope that I can see her every week. She made me feel so much better." When I walked into the clinic, they were ready to close up for the day & all the nurses were sitting around with mom, chatting and laughing. We went to get a wedding gift for some random cousin after. I had dinner alone with my dad; she was too wiped out. Saturday, I sat in the garden and held my tongue, watching her climb in & out of the flower beds, pruning, staking and stripping. I let her do what she can; she asks for help. We had several more chats about death & dying. She feels a lot better because Ceaser (the cat) let me pick him up. He apparently no longer associates me just with the evil vet. I spoke with Babybro this morning. Told him that she is getting more fatigued and weaker. He says maybe he'll just go in & take the kids later. I told him that she's really worried that she'll never see the twins again. I don't want to dissuade him from going, but I want him to take the kids. I offered to go with him if his wife can't get away from the office. As long as he doesn't expect me to change poopy diapers. Maybe I should have my niece and nephew hang out with JB's son? So, the OH DMV procedure for getting a disabled parking placard: Take prescription to DMV. Fill out form which basically asks for name of placard holder and social security number. Don't have ss# on you? Thye'll give you the phone to make a local call. They ask you how many you want. Pay $3 and walk out with placard and registration card for patient to show that the placard goes with the person, not the car. It expires in 5 years. At first mom protested. "You don't have to use it," I say. "Keep it for the days when you are very tired and there is no nearby parking." I'm not going to use it, says the proud patient. Yeah. Right. The first rainy day when you go to the grocery store and there are no non-disabled spots near the door, you're gonna cave, says I. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3092 Registered: 9-2003 |
Good for her. I had been wondering. I thought maybe you could bring her east and she could help me get my yard in shape. I'm glad there's another thing to try, however weeny the dose. And I'm glad your brother will bring the twins, diapers or no (I take it he doesn't think it's weird). I don't have anything to say except I'm not willing to give her up yet. I'm sure it's partly the knowing her at a distance, and respect for her attitude. I'm also sure it's tied to my feelings about Curt and his future. If her attitude counts for anything in the cosmic spirtu-chemo mix, she won't go anywhere anytime soon. It sounds like it was a good visit -- can't tell how much it wiped you out or not. I'm glad you gave an update as I was wondering (while swearing and trying to figure out which size storm window was missing exactly, and how to measure and so on and so forth...) | ||
| Bob K Supporter Username: Bobk Post Number: 12449 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greentree, it looks like your Mom is handling the whole thing better than the rest of you are. I hate to sound like some rag-tag, •••• assed minister (or rabbi), but your Mom is going through the last of the great life experiences and seems to be handling it extremely well. I admire her grace and courage greatly. I only hope when my time comes, hopefully not for at least fifty years, I can handle things as well as she is doing. Get the grandkids out there one way or another as soon as possible, both for your Mom and for the kids. A co-worker, many years ago, had the same adversion to dirty diapers you appear to have. He found that lighting up a cigar solved the problem. Give it a try. ;) | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3094 Registered: 9-2003 |
On poop: having cleaned same associated with my aging parents, our dog, our cat, our kid and the odd ostomy bag issue, I find that a Halls Mentholyptus and/or Vick's around the nostrils is helpful. I do often joke that when I write my self-published autobio one day it will be called "My Life in Shyt." | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 9065 Registered: 5-2001 |
Bob - she & I talked about it being easier for her than for those "left behind." She is afraid of only two things: 1) not getting everything on her 'to-do' list done and 2) suffering. I told her that everyone should die with at least one thing left on their 'to-do' list. Who wants to run out of things to do and hang around with their thumb up their •••? On suffering - I promised her that we won't let that happen, even if we have to hit her over the head with a sledge hammer. Won't that hurt? she asks. Not if we do it right the first time, I reply. I do not disagree in the least on her elegance and dignity. I think that I'm handling it pretty well, all things considered. I worry about being there when she needs lots of care; I fear it. I worry that, when she's gone, my rock-solid shoulders will completely and utterly fall apart. I, too, hope for another 50 years (or as long as I'm sane and continent). I don't know that I will live up to her aplomb. As Cyn says, knowing her, this could be a very premature discussion. I've already told Normal Bro that he's coming to OH with me for the holidays, since we have no idea what Poptart & Baby will do. I'm trying on the poopy-diaper thing. I just don't think that I should have to wipe the •••• out of a 3 & change year-olds butt. And there are two of them. Obviously, the risk/benefit analysis on house-breaking the kids is still weighing in on the side of "risk" with my brother. | ||
| Bob K Supporter Username: Bobk Post Number: 12451 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greentree, having been through this with my Mother and Father-in-Law I have one word for when things become really painful, drugs. That will save you the problem of having to explain to an Ohio judge about the sledge hammer. Seriously, the doctors will keep her comfortable when things get unbearable for her. Cyn, your approach shows that you were either a cop at one time or are a real fan of CSI. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 9067 Registered: 5-2001 |
You learn Cyn's trick on Law & Order: Criminal Intent, too. I'm working on a pain compound at work right now. I've already roped in one of the project physicians to be my personal consultant when/if needed. Mom's oncologist just loves when I call my own specialists. Seriously, at first he didn't know what to think but now he knows that I am not questioning his judgement. He was actually very interested in my discussion with the head of neuroradiation at the Cleveland Clinic a few months ago. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3095 Registered: 9-2003 |
I read a LOT of detective novels. And, I've had to deal with a lot of unsavory bodily fluids/substances. Not good with deep wounds, but most else. Stupid medical establishment kinda makes you care for things that you really thing a professional should (and they're only too happy to show you how...). | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 9068 Registered: 5-2001 |
BTW - do you put the Hall's up your nose? If so, do you break one in half or put a whole one in each side? Or do you just suck on it? Does it need to be remvoed ala Jersey Boy's Rhinestone method? | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3096 Registered: 9-2003 |
You put the Halls in your mouth (2 ultra menthol, not the citrus type). Let them simmer in there for a minute till tongue is numb. Then breath slowly and regularly through your nose, which has the Vicks on the nostrils. For really nasty situations, wear safety glasses to keep fumes from irritating the eyes. You may also squirt the area (if not on the human or animal) with 409 original to suppress fumes momentarily. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 9070 Registered: 5-2001 |
Ugh. Allow me to channel Baby Bro for a moment: isn't there someone that we can pay to do that? | ||
| joy Citizen Username: Joy Post Number: 580 Registered: 5-2001  |
vicks vapor rub just inside of the nostrils works too. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3099 Registered: 9-2003 |
Hey, for those who are wondering: As of today, the onco doc thinks Curt's doing OK. No CEA report till next week. I was mistaken in thinking he had that run each time labs were run. Ones done today will be known early next week. Much chaos, bedlam etc. at the newly relocated Summit Medical Group, which added to the fuss. I still love our doctors, and their nurses, but this move was really poorly planned and communicated. I was a byotch on wheels this afternoon till I did my legitimate complaint registration. I did bring a dozen donuts to the chemo room as there was no drug rep spread AND the cafeteria is not yet open (no one knows when) and One Diamond Hill Road is basically in the middle of nowhere foodwise. It did sorta make me think we should've originally moved to Berkeley Heights as the area is much more like our old home locale. Would've been less shocking, though poor train service. I'm completely over it now (till I go with him tomorrow a.m.) having distracted myself watching the remake of Poseidon Adventure. Mucho action and adrenaline. Yes, this week I'm on "vacation." Yesterday, the kid and I went to the Cloisters (which I still love), the Metropolitan Museum and a couple of teenage girly stores down by NYU that specialize in $1.99 earrings and the like. Anyway, so far so good. But, if you're a patient of SMG, do check the morning before you go to the new facility. Your doc may not be there. And then again, s/he might. Adds a certain je ne sais quoi to the healthcare experience. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 9119 Registered: 5-2001 |
Thanks for the warning. I have my first scheduled Berkely Heights appointment in September sometime. Hopefully, it will be a bit better by then. I will make sure to pay careful attention to the surrounding landscape, as it will give me a window into the soul of the Cynicals. Mom called this morning. Wanted to know where her parking placard is. It's in the glove compartment. No, it isn't. You asked me where it was and I gave it to you. No, I asked you where it was, you told me where it was and I said "fine." We did this for a few minutes and then I told her that I'd call her right back, since cell signal is poor at my desk. I spend the next hour calling the house and her cell. I call someone to check on her (they'll go by in a couple hours when they are nearby). She finally answers. Why didn't you answer the phone? I told you that I was calling right back. Did you find the placard? She did. Is it raining? Are you not feeling well? Oh shut up. Hey, I'm not the one who said I wouldn't use it unless the weather was bad or I didn't feel well. So, where did you go? Walmart. Ah. Normal was right. He said you'd cave in one day. It isn't one day; I've had it since Friday and it's the first time that I used it. Mom, it's the first day you've driven since you got it. That's one day. Later today, we're on the phone. TS calls, I put mom on hold. When I pick her back up I hear: *&^*@ I'm tired of this. Dammit. I'm not feeding you anymore. I'm sick and tired of this ••••. Who ya talking to, Mom? Ceasar, he puked up his food again. And this is the cat you want me to take? You're used to it, you had a puker. Yes, and even tho I miss her every day and sobbed like a baby when she died, I am happy that I don't clean up puke anymore. But I'm glad to hear you sounding like your old self. *&%6 off. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3102 Registered: 9-2003 |
Soul of the Cynicals: The stretch after Ashland (in Summit) when it starts to turn into Mountain Avenue while en route to Berkely Heights. Housing stock largely from the 50's and forward, yards 1/4 acre minimum. Trees, grass. Space between towns. Office parks. Boring, bucolic suburbia. A sort of Sears take on middle class U.S. reality that can be unifying. That's what was funny, in a way. My neighbors were a diverse lot, religiously, sexually, racially but less so with regard to public values (as separate from political party). All God's children went to Sears or Home Depot and did their yards themselves, painted their own houses for the most part. I do miss that. I'm too old for too much community friction. Sometimes in Maplewood politics and institutions. I feel like the grownups are missing and its college time all over again, where every freakin' thing is fighting words. WHEW!! Where'd that come from? I think I'm tired. I think I have metro NYC culture fatigue...threads about NJ driving, Sharpe James, etc. reminded me. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3106 Registered: 9-2003 |
I'm sure it was on schedule for today anyway, but I am happy to report that Summit Medical Group installed the most of the interior signage for the "Bensley Pavillion" (that's where Oncology, Imaging, Urgent Care and some other specialties are). The HVAC was better today, and a couple more bathrooms seem to be functional. As we were leaving, one of the road signs was being installed. Basically, 3 of my complaints (out 12) have been addressed. | ||
| Soparents Supporter Username: Soparents Post Number: 2776 Registered: 5-2005 |
Thanks for the update Cynicalgirl, I am due there in 45 mins - will look out for the signs! | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3138 Registered: 9-2003 |
The good news: Curt's CEA level is back down to 12, so chemo is working. The bad news: someone ran into him while he was on his way home. Guy made an illegal left turn coming out of the Bed Bath and Beyond parking lot in Millburn/Summit. Curt swerved to try to avoid him, but the guy got his driver side rear door and bent the frame. I sweartagod there needs to be better signage there. Just last week on our way home we had a near miss with a lady in a minivan who did the same durned thing. The good news: no one was hurt, especially Curt. The guy has insurance. The bad news: we only have liability on the Chevy due to its age so any repairs/rental will need to wait until I can get the case number from the Summit police tomorrow. The good news: my migraine-ish headache is passing. I brought 3 choc chip cookies today. The bad news: It's only 12:20, and not 5:00. I feel like Job. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 9289 Registered: 5-2001 |
Uh, how horrible. I'm so sorry. Look at the bright side; the guy's insurance should pay for your rental car while yours is in the shop, no? I'm assuming that he's 100% at fault. Glad no one was hurt. There's something in the water with illegal left turns. A couple weeks ago, I went to pick up a friend whose car had just been totalled by a guy truning left in front of him. No one was hurt there, either. I have GMF agita to share when I've got more time. Poptart is bringing the kids to see mom this weekend; Normal's girlfriend got caught in a "Greenemom Trap". He and I tried to warn her, but she didn't listen. It's understandable; it took TS 3 or 4 years to listen to me about avoiding them. | ||
| doulamomma Citizen Username: Doulamomma Post Number: 1795 Registered: 3-2002 |
Too bad for Normal's girlfirend, but good news for everyone else? Maybe the distraction will work to others' advantage! glad Curt wasn't hurt, Cynical | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3140 Registered: 9-2003 |
It was an illegal RIGHT turn the guy made (into one-way traffic). My brain is fried (budget work at work! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 9290 Registered: 5-2001 |
I know that turn; even better. The guy has no chance in hell of trying to find any loophole to blame any part of it on Curt. Oh, that's nice about the CEA level, too. No, Doula, unfortunately, this will involve a UN Summit. No one will be angry or have a fight. There will just be many, many discussions about The Desk. HA! I just realized - it always comes down to a desk..... I wonder if Mem & Mom have been talking? | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3141 Registered: 9-2003 |
Actually, the perp and the cop were both very nice, per Curt. The perp didn't speak fabulous English, but was very apologetic and Curt ended up doing most of the talking to the cop. The cop was very nice and sympathetic, and didn't give Curt a hard time about the fact that his insurance card was home. He liked the 55 Chevy, a lot. Curt felt bad for the perp as he was nice, and drives a 60's Mercedes. No doubt the heaviness of both cars made for less harm to the people inside. Neither had airbags, but both a sturdy cars. The cop was utterly clear that it was the other guy's fault. 'Course the proof will be in the pudding (how the guy's insurance, Allstate, handles. They already called but kid took the message as Curt was having a nap. Seeing his car makes Curt sad, but we'll see how this goes. He identifies with his car, and his old cat, and when either is hurt, he hurts. Me, I had TWO Tanqueray g&t's and we all ate Ikea meatballs, redskins and gravy. No vegetables tonight unless you count the lime in the g&t. Just another day in paradise! Yeah, CEA level is the main news, fer sure... | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 9297 Registered: 5-2001 |
Meatballs from IKEA? Did you have to assemble them yourself with nothing but a diagram? | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 9301 Registered: 5-2001 |
I will have to share the Greenemom Trap story another time. I had pretty much calmed down, but then the •••-hole mofo guests of my neighbor's just set me off again. So I'll tell you about tonight's conversation with GMF. Background: My dad & his wife have been married for 29 years. It is not unexpected that when my parents divorced, mom's parents were not happy with my dad. OK. He remarried a year later. My mom & stepmom have very similar personalities in some senses, but are essentially very different people and came from very different backgrounds. My father is very happy with his life; they are a good match. He and my mother were not. My dad & stepmom have been lifesavers and very dear friends and support to my mom thru all of this. Until mom got sick and we told GMF to behave or don't come to family events, she refused to speak to my father. Would cross the street if she saw either of them in public. Made nasty remarks about my stepmom, coupled with innuendos of trailer-park references. I always let it roll off my back. So. You may recall that when I was there last week, Mom had told GMF (against my wishes) that I would be in town. I told her that I would not be able to see her, since it was a short trip and I hadn't seen my dad in months, so I'd be having dinner with him. True; he & I went out alone for dinner the one night I was there and it was really great. Anyway, Poptart & family are coming to town for Labor Day and Normal had a deposition in Cleveland today & tomorrow so he said that he'd come in on Friday and take Mom to chemo, then head back to Chicago. I knew someone would pay for my not seeing her last time I was there and it was Normal. He called her last night to see when they could get together. She has a doctor appointment on Friday and was trying to get him to take her. He, of course, said "no." So, she lays into him about not sitting around waiting for anyone to come see her, how she shouldn't have to come over to Mom's (as if no one picks her and and takes her home) to watch the great-grandkids swim because they don't even pay attention to her, blah, blah. He calls me and says "What the fcuk?" I explain that he is paying for my transgressions and apologize. I use a couple choice adjectives and he admonishes me. She's old, she's scared, she has to get a shot in her eye on Friday (ewwwwww) and it would be nice if someone could take her. I consider feeling bad, but conclude that there is nothing wrong with him being a better person than I and go on about my business. Tonight, I call her on the way home to tell her that I did some checking into the medication she is getting and not to worry. I won't bore you with all the details. But, she started telling me how she isn't going to wait for us to decide to visit her anymore. Good, I say. I've been telling you that for years. Her favorite trick has always been to call a gazillion times and try to schedule as much time as possible. We've always said things like "have to make plans with dad, too; need to see this person, that person" and she threatens to make plans. I always say "Go ahead, if it works out, great. If not, I'll see you next trip." You probably don't remember last summer, during one of Mom's hospitalizations, when I was there all week and she played games/threatened whenever I tried to make dinner plans with her. So I did not go by to see her at all that trip. Do not play a bluff you are not prepared to live with because I do not respond to games like that. She doesn't do it to me anymore. Between that and the time I called 911 when she played dead (remember that?), she's learned. With me, anyway. But, I digress. So, she's yammering on about no one paying attention to her. At one point, she says "...can't stop by for 5 minutes when they are right around the corner visiting their stepmother." Dad literally lives 3 blocks from her. Then, she starts ramping up, talking about money hungry (huh?) unsophisticated people. I warn her: GMF, you are talking about my stepmother. Stop. She does not listen. Goes on and on. Phrases like "I've been a victim", "you wouldn't have had a roof over your head if I had't sold...". On and on. I warn her again. GMF, this is my family. I do not want to hear it. I won't tolerate you talking about my father and my stepmother like that. On and on: I'm your grandmother; she's nothing. I give a final warning. Too late; Mt. GMF is gonna blow. She can't stop herself. "My cleaning woman is more intelligent." (Which is pretty clever; she managed to insult two people in one sentence.) I lose it and pretty much tell her off; I haven't spoken to her like that in, well, 45 years. And I've been pretty blunt, at times; some would say downright disrespectful. She starts back pedaling; I am wonderful, I am her angel, it's just so hard for her. I tell her I don't care; I am disappointed that she talks about my family like that, even after I asked her to stop. I didn't say anything about your mother. No, you talked about Dad and Stepmom. I didn't say anything about your father. Yes, you did. But you were downright nasty about Stepmom. And whether you like it or not, she is my family, too. Oh, I hope that your being disappointed doesn't mean that you don't love me anymore. One has nothing to do with the other. I have to go; I'm home now and I've got to feed that cats. She was still talking when I hung up. *************************** You know the expression "blood runs cold?" I actually had a physical reaction to this woman. Not only did my blood pressure shoot up (I took it), but I literally felt my heart freeze. Like if she ran in front of my car at that moment, I wouldn't bother braking. I tell TS, "When she calls, and she will, don't answer the phone." It took her 10 minutes and she left a message: I know that I'm a bitter old lady; don't be mad. I know that I talk too much, blah, blah. Whatever. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 3143 Registered: 9-2003 |
Yep, a little universal Ikea tool is the key to making the meatballs, too. ***** On your "blood running cold" experience. Good for you, and your blood. It was about time from the sounds of it. Your body'd finally had enough unjust, inappropriate crap from the old bag. It was exactly that visceral reaction to crap my great aunt/godmother's spew about my dad that caused me to virtually sever ties with her and my uncle. Something sub-conscious, something physical rose up in me and I could no longer take it. As with you, I finally learned what the phrase "my blood ran cold" meant. And my reaction to her has never been the same -- like something calloused over just a tad. | ||
| MeAndTheBoys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 4467 Registered: 12-2004  |
Ain't family fun? Had that reaction to my very own mother after an incident some years back. Really helped me to put her and our relationship in a personally newer and healthier perspective. One question, and I know there's an explaination in this thread somewhere, but what does GMF stand for? Jeez Cyn, you're up early! |
