| Author | Message | ||
     Catastrophe Citizen Username: Cat Post Number: 40 Registered: 6-2003  |
It's hard to address envelopes when you don't have opposable thumbs. | ||
| Joan Citizen Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 2706 Registered: 5-2001 |
Catastrophe: The cat agrees with you. That is why he spent most of today searching the white pages on the internet for the telephone numbers for each of his guests. He didn't bother writing them down either (still no quill, no ink, and, as you so correctly pointed out, no thumbs). He just used an auto-dial feature attached to his address book. Then he used the computer's built in telephone to call each of his guests. In case he mistakenly copied down the wrong phone number or just got your answering machine (which accidentally erased the message) the invitation reads as follows: Mmmrooow: Mroo mrooww Mrmrow: Meow-rouh rouhh Mrow meow: Mroww mroow mroww roww meow mrow-ows vrow-roow purr m-mrow mrow mroo PS: He asked me to add that all cats reading this invitation are welcome to come to his party -- as long as they bring presents. | ||
| Joan Citizen Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 2707 Registered: 5-2001 |
The Cat on My Lap's Blog continues: The cat has a dilemma. Despite the lateness of the hour, the sun is still warm, the breeze gentle. He is sitting in front of the open door to the outside. The humans with whom he shares his house are moving in and out of the house distractedly as they haul out boxes, bags and bits of former furniture. The opportunity is perfect except for one thing -- its scavenger night. The cat is worried that if he goes outside now and wanders along the median sniffing all the wonderous odors of the collected ditrius that someone, driver of a passing SUV perhaps, will mistaken for a bit of outcast bulk and scavenge him. So he sits and waits and watches and lets a golden opportunity pass by. He asks his human and feline friends if he has done the wise thing or missed the opportunity of a lifetime? | ||
| Joan Citizen Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 2711 Registered: 5-2001 |
The cat on my lap wishes to thank the wonderful people of Maplewood Avenue and Baker Street who were displaying all those bunches of purple balloons this morning. He assumes they were being displayed in honor of his upcoming birthday celebration. | ||
| Joan Citizen Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 2754 Registered: 5-2001 |
Being the party animal that he is, the cat on my lap has decided to run for the elective office of feline representative to the Joint Animal Congress (JAC) from the 23rd election district in Maplewood. If elected, the cat promises to: • Use eminent domain and/or uttermost persuasion to create and stock a fish pond on every block • Require that each homeowner in Maplewood have at least one soft shady spot and at least one soft sunny spot where a cat can stretch out and take an uninterrupted snooze. • Enact legislation which would eliminate all sounds which are distasteful to a cat’s sensitive ears but grant tax incentives for installing cat-friendly home improvements such as bird feeders, bird baths and wind chimes. • Support the erection of a cell tower in Maplewood provided that the tower includes steps suitable for cat’s paws so the cat, who has a decided Yertle complex, can climb to the top and survey his kingdom in comfort (Oops! Did he say kingdom? I’m sure he meant to say constituency.) • Obtain block grant money to build ramps leading down from all the really tall trees in town. (Think of all the money it would save in Fire Fighter salaries and overtime.) • Rename the Amphitheater Cat Hill. • Require the Human Town Legislature to hire a cat to guard every town-owned building. (He says this could go really far towards eliminating all the rats in local government[buildings].) The cat is open to additional suggestions and would gladly address your questions and concerns in the space provided below. All opinions expressed in this blog entry are strictly the cat's and are not necessarily those of the human who posted this message on the cat's behalf. | ||
| debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 196 Registered: 5-2001 |
Noting that Maplewood cherishes its diversity, I must ask: what's in it for the dogs?  | ||
| Joan Citizen Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 2764 Registered: 5-2001 |
The cat on my lap thinks Maplewood is great place to live. He pledges to do whatever he can to keep the town from going to the dogs. | ||
| Joan Citizen Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 2765 Registered: 5-2001 |
Debby: I must apologize for the cat. He is a shameless punster. The cat asks me to remind you that he is running for the 23rd's feline seat on the JAC. Each district will also be electing a canine representative. Since the cat's running mate hasn't been determined yet, the cat does not want to put forth the team's canine platform at this time. | ||
| debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 197 Registered: 5-2001 |
I think it only fitting that the running mate be a retired greyhound (talk about shameless punster)  Tom Reingold? Mem? | ||
| Joan Citizen Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 2767 Registered: 5-2001 |
The cat on my lap would be happy to share a ticket with a retired greyhound. He feels they could really go places together. Edited to add: He expects that Boyden Avenue bus service will be high on [the] greyhound's agenda. | ||
| Joan Citizen Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 2785 Registered: 5-2001 |
This is the poem the cat on my lap would be carrying in his pocket today (if he had a pocket, which he doesn't): There once was a cat on Joan's lap Who'd curled up to take a long nap Though Joan'd stand and sit That cat wouldn't quit Cause he'd buckled his safety strap. | ||
| Joan Citizen Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 2816 Registered: 5-2001 |
The cat on my lap has decided to select the dog on the floor as his running mate in the upcoming JAC election for the 23rd election district, Maplewood. He considers the dog on the floor to be an excellent choice to share the ticket with him. While most dogs tend to be loud and domineering, the dog on the floor, who is now in his later years, is far more easy-going. If they are both elected, this would allow the cat on my lap to have more of a say in JAC policy than might otherwise be the case. Besides, the cat has heard that senior citizens, such as the dog on the floor, are now considered to be members of a protected species; and extreme age is equated, at least by some, with wisdom. There are also racial demographics to be considered. The indoor cat on my lap, who weighs in at about 15 pounds is short haired and cream in color with fieldish brown stripes on his darker brown spots. The dog on the floor weighs closer to 60 pounds, has long hair, is solid golden brown in color, and permitted three outside walks daily. A more diverse ticket cannot be imagined. Realizing that there are a number of large, long-haired, elderly dogs of a peaceful bordering on comatose nature, the cat on my lap inspired by the recent and most popular Free Association Thread in the Virtual Café (thank you Debby for including his name as an entry in that thread) administered a free association test to the dog on the floor and liked the results. Here is a sample: Cat: Handsomest Dog: You Cat: Smartest Dog: You Cat: Most trustworthy Dog: You Cat: Best leader Dog: You Cat: Winner Dog: Us Cat: Us??? Dog: You All dogs and cats in the 23rd Election District are urged to vote for the cat on my lap and the dog on the floor in the upcoming JAC election. | ||
| debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 268 Registered: 5-2001 |
Dog on the floor sounds like a real cream and fieldish brown noser. | ||
| Joan Citizen Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 2840 Registered: 5-2001 |
Debby: The cat on my lap is the one with the all important name recognition and the dog on the floor is smart enough to pick his battles. At this point it is all about getting elected. Once he is elected - undoubtably riding on the short hairs of the very popular cat on my lap - the dog on the floor can do pretty much what he chooses - politically speaking. The cat has asked me to add the following unpaid political announcement: All dogs and cats in the 23rd Election District are urged to vote for the cat on my lap and the dog on the floor in the upcoming JAC election. The dog just wants to know how to type a slow wink onto a message board post in such a way that the cat won't notice. | ||
| Joan Citizen Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 2922 Registered: 5-2001 |
And to Think That I Saw it On Mulberry Street has always been one of my favorite books. So, when I had the opportunity to actually plan and run a parade of my own, I jumped at the chance. This is going to be one of the best Memorial Day Parades in Maplewood history. We will have everything you could possibly hope for in a really great parade: former soldiers in uniform carrying the flag, one of the country's best marching bands, a celebrated group of dancers, a troop of four legged animals parading along side their human friends, children in period costumes, lots of scouts and y explorers, community and religious groups, a special guest on his very own float, police car, firetruck, ambulences, and a guest appearance by the Kiwanis duck. Please come out and experience it for yourselves. Parade date is May 31, 2004, Parade starts at 9 AM. Recommended places to watch anywhere along the route where you can get a good view. Please stay for the memorial ceremony featuring the Columbia High School marching band, the Maplewood Glee Club, a special guest soloist, religious and civic leaders, and members of the VFW. | ||
| Pizzaz Citizen Username: Pizzaz Post Number: 235 Registered: 11-2001  |
Could you please keep the CHS Marching Band and Maplewood Glee club marching down Valley Street, then hang a LEO at South Orange Ave, proceed to the SOMS entrance, through the Park and allow view by all participating Memorial Day Soccer Tournament teams. We can then gather for a good game of boce ball. Seriously, how can SO participate. | ||
| Joan Citizen Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 2932 Registered: 5-2001 |
Pizzaz: The Maplewood Memorial VFW Post has members from South Orange as well as Maplewood and South Orange residents who qualify are very welcome to join the organization. Nor, is the parade being held solely for Maplewood residents. People from throughout our area may and do come to the parade every year. While this event is sponsored by the Maplewood Memorial VFW and will be held solely within the boundaries of Maplewood, it is by no means limited to Maplewood residents. South Orange residents can participate in several ways: 1. Veterans who live in South Orange and who wish to participate in the parade and the ceremony which follows can join us in the Columbia High School Student Parking Lot and march with the rest of the veterans at the head of the parade. 2. Lots of South Orange residents who belong to one or more of the above listed organizations that have agreed to participate in the parade will be marching. Others are certainly welcome to join them. 3. South Orange based organizations that want to march in the parade are welcome to join us (as long as they haven't already committed themselves the the South Orange celebration being held that morning). This includes Pizzaz and his/her wild turkey, the South Orange Boce players, the Memorial Day Soccer Teams, etc. Just send me a PL, give me a call (number is in the book), or call the VFW Post at 973-762-6336 and leave a message that you are coming. Include a contact name and number so we can reconfirm receipt of your message. 4. South Orange residents are welcome to come to Maplewood, line the parade route, and watch the parade with their Maplewood neighbors. Just be sure to come to Town Hall immediately after for a very special ceremony featuring a special guest who is coming all the way from Washington DC to join us. The duck races, which will be starting after the memorial ceremony are also worth staying for. We hope to see many of South Orange neighbors at the parade. | ||
| Pizzaz Citizen Username: Pizzaz Post Number: 237 Registered: 11-2001 |
It sounds like a wonderful celebration. If not so preoccupied with the Tournament, I'd certainly be there. Have a Great Day! | ||
| Joan Citizen Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 2940 Registered: 5-2001 |
Pizzaz: What time does the tournament start? Surely not before noon. The parade starts at 9 AM and the ceremony should be over by 11 AM. Plenty of time to unwind a bit before the big tourney. | ||
| Pizzaz Citizen Username: Pizzaz Post Number: 243 Registered: 11-2001 |
Pizza, Pizza, Pizza. We'll be baking so many, on Memorial Day weekend, that I just don't know if I'll have the time. But if I do, I'll try to attend. |
