| Author | Message | ||
     greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4035 Registered: 5-2001  |
OK - I suggested this as a joke in a "Please Help" thread on chemo. But, Cynicalgirl is right. Humor is everything. So -here's the background. My mom, a 40+ year, 2+ pack a day smoker, was - surprise!- diagnosed with small cell lung cancer about three weeks ago (seems like a year). The odds for one year survival are not great, but we are facing and dealing (like we have a choice). Mom is not a mushy, Kumbaya, kind of person. This thread should be an ongoing tribute and outlet for those who are facing similar tough times. No mush or fuzzies, please. But, feel free to jump in a share your dark humor and nasty thoughts. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4036 Registered: 5-2001 |
I've been here a week and one of my mom's best friends has been over everyday, bringing enough food to feed an army and singing happy thoughts. My mom wants to lock her out; she can't take any more cheerfulness. We decided that next time J. (the friend) comes over, mom will lay down on the bed & I'll throw a blanket over her. I'll gaze sorrowfully over the blanket-covered shape and say, mounrfully, "I guess we won't be needing that pot roast". The house cleaner was standing there and told us we were both sick. Mom laughed so hard it gave her a coughing fit.  | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1216 Registered: 9-2003  |
Gotta run an errand, but I'll quickly offer this: when my husband and I consider what color ribbon decal would suit colon cancer survivors, well, we keep coming back to brown. Yeah, James Kincaid and Precious Moments have no place in this world. | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 5200 Registered: 5-2001 |
Can't your Mom just tell the friend that all this cheery helpfulness makes your Mom feel that her friend is rehearsing for your Mom's wake with your Mom as stand-in for the corpse? Sometimes blunt is best. | ||
| Andrea Weisbard Citizen Username: Njnetsfan Post Number: 136 Registered: 6-2004 |
When I was in the hospital for close to 8 weeks last year with a very rare blood disorder(3.7 people out of a 1,000,000 get it and it's not cancer.) ,which I almost died from I was making jokes and laughing and just having a great time with the nurses, aided in my recovery. They say laughter is the best medicine and it's true. One good example of how humor saved my life, every time someone asked how I feel, I said with my hands. One of the nurses who did my treatments was a guy and we were reciting lines from Movies and having a great time. All the doctors(8 of them), said if it weren't for the great sence of humor I had it, I would have been in the hospital a lot longer than I was | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1219 Registered: 9-2003 |
Not exactly funny, but... This weekend my husband got a mailing from the American Cancer Society, a fund-raising kit listing neighbors on our street that he's supposed to solicit. I'm like, jeez, just hit 'em up for money for yourself given you're out of work. What are they thinking? That he's gonna convass the street for cancer and tell his story for $10 a pop? Did he get on the list because he has cancer? If he doesn't have energy to go up and down stairs how exactly is it that he's supposed to wander the neighborhood. I feel like printing up some Be About Cancer lawn signs. Some days, everyone's so caught up in the shapeless, big picture issues I feel like, hey channel that locally. I'd like to convert some of the energy of these gangsta's and gangster wannabees and kids with time on their hands, kids without enough electives, pseudo Goth kids, kids who want "direction," kids who think they have direction and are filling out their freakin' resumes to something worthwhile this spring. Like, go rake the yards of your neighbors who are sick. Or, let them collect for the ACS -- and actually turn in the money. Or, just get out of their own adolescent heads. Applies equally to people with enough time on their hands to worry about historically correct renovations. I hate politcs, and I hate people worrying about comparatively stupid crap when there are actual neighbors, on all sides of Springfield Avenue, on all sides of town who need real help that our energies could assist. Instead of another idiotic meeting of Concerned Something-Siders to Save the Whale. Feeling crabby. There's plenty to do in this world for others without mounting a g-d large effort with t-shirts. And, it might even fix some of what ails your psyche/soul. I believe in humor, or focussed crabbiness. Yes, I like Crabby Road. | ||
| Duncan Supporter Username: Duncanrogers Post Number: 3989 Registered: 12-2001  |
If you could do that it would be a true revolution.  | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1221 Registered: 9-2003 |
I should've qualified and suggested that "adolescent heads" is not confined to a particular age range. Navel gazing knows no bounds... Husband chuckled sardonically at thought of "Be About Cancer" lawn sign. It could happen. He has been using a chipped Save the Males coffee cup for the 15 years I've known him. Probably lead to some kinda copyright infringement lawsuit. | ||
| mjh Citizen Username: Mjh Post Number: 65 Registered: 5-2001 |
I'm glad to hear other folks out there get the heebie-jeebies really badly when people try to get touchy-feely about your cancer. I had surgery, chemo, radiation a couple years ago for breast cancer, and it still makes my skin crawl to have either "victim" or "survivor" used as an adjective to describe me. If you can't act normal and/or be funny, go away! My sister is seriously ill right now, and I keep flying back and forth to see her so I can be one of the few people who doesn't keep trying to be "cheerful" all the time. We just talk very straight about what's happening, and then start the usual family jokes and gossipy chatter and catalogue shopping.........She's so relieved. | ||
| mjh Citizen Username: Mjh Post Number: 66 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greenetree-------I meant to say good luck to you and mom, and I'll try to scounge up a joke or two! (I've a pretty bad memory for them......) | ||
| maaaa Citizen Username: Maaaa Post Number: 125 Registered: 5-2001 |
I also had surgery and rads for breast cancer and, I loathe the color pink. The ribbons, the rubber bracelets, the caps. This disease rips through your life, radicalizes you, and clarifies your priorities, and then, there're those ribbons. They remind me of the ones they tape to baby girl heads lest someone mistake their child for a boy. I was doing rads in October, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I wanted to scream at the pink, which was on everything from yogurt to duct tape. Anyway, it felt good and wicked to have a external place to aim my rage.... This isn't the funny stuff, I know, but keeping my identity through the process, and not giving myself up for the title of "cancer victim" was what kept me sane and fighting. | ||
| Duncan Supporter Username: Duncanrogers Post Number: 3992 Registered: 12-2001 |
I may be wayyyyyyy out of line here, but didn't those ribbons help raise a bundle of money that has lead to the fact that breast cancer is now a highly survivable disease? I think anytime you raise awareness of something like that then the folks not involved personally may become so. I completely understand the fact that you ladies do not want to be "victims" or "survivors" but it wasn't that long ago, if memory serves, that there were not very many "survivors" of breast cancer. So for all its "pinkdom" perhaps it has brought in more research dollars that helped make the color pink almost redundant. Or passe anyway. I dont know. But one of my roommates back in college was diagnosed with HIV in 1982 and the odds of his surviving the year were "slim to none" since no one knew about it. Here we are in 2005 and not only is he still going strong (with full blown AIDS, but has survived Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma as well. Activism is necessary when a gov't wont act. So as much as the pink ribbons give you all the heeby jeebies, once apon a time, they helped knock some sense in to some pretty chauvanistic doctors and researchers and made early detection and prevention possible. My friend and roomate Dawn Couch died of breast cancer in 1988 and I bet if she were diagnosed in the last 5 years she would be alive and well. Something has to shake the machine and if its pink ribbons, then so be they. like I said, I may be wayyyyy out of my league here, these are just my thoughts from watching what happened to Dawn and my friend who has survived AIDS for 20+ years. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4040 Registered: 5-2001 |
Duncan - I may have thought the same way a few weeks ago (on the 25th it will have been a month since our whole world got rocked.... seems like a year). Anyway, I'm not going thru it directly, but I can understand a little bit. The fundraisers are indeed important. But, all the positive awareness does get wearing. Did you see the Sex and the City episode where Samantha is trying to give a really upbeat, inspirational keynote talk at a breast cancer fundraiser and all the women in the audience were annoyed at her sun-shinyness? In the middle, she rips off her wig & says "Oh, f--- it. This sucks..." and starts talking about what it is really like to have cancer & what needs to be done. I think that that level of activism is more meaningful and realistic to people dealing directly. Every action has its place - out of the 15 friends I lost to AIDS in the 1980s and early 1990s, most had no problem with the red ribbons, but were Act Up types of activists. BTW - bitching and venting is also allowed. Sharing positive news is also allowed. Just no chipper, hyper sunshine! That, too has it's place somewhere. Just not on this thread.  | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4041 Registered: 5-2001 |
I made my mom sick the other night. But I meant well..... She's starting chemo and radiation this week and we expect that there will be nausea and esophogeal soreness. So, I decided (since I came home tonight) that I would go to the store, get a sampling of every high-calorie liquid nutrition thing in stock & do a taste test. Whatever she liked, I would stock up on before heading to the airport. Boost is out. Ensure is out. Chi Tea with whole milk is out. Canned fruit smoothies were deemed "like drinking maple syrup". Also out. Problem is, she went wig shopping with her friend (where, much to my dissappointment, she declined to order a waist-length, platinum blond prosthesis) and on the way home, they stopped for a very large lunch and ice cream. I think it was the Chi Tea that pushed her over the top & sent her running for a bucket. Her friends and I decided that we would better coordinate trying to stuff her. BTW - this is what was successful: smoothies made with frozen mixed berries, bananas, plain soy milk, a splash of unsweetened cranberry juice, a splash of OJ and powdered egg whites. High protein & goes down easily. I figured that I would turn a negative into a positive and raid her closet. I still can't fit into the clothes that are now too big for her.  Oh, I had a great outlet tonight. Had an eyball to eyeball stare down and fight with a cab driver in the city. I won. He had no idea what he was messing with.... | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1225 Registered: 9-2003 |
Nuthin' wrong with the ribbons in principal. But, even good things can be annoying when you need to be crabby and not be grateful to the rest of the world. We don't need no ed-u-ca-tion....meets It's a Small World After All... Maaa, rock on. My husband doesn't want to be a "survivor" and I don't want to be a "caregiver." Neither does he wish to be dead. I think he just wants to go back to being an out of work website designer and planner of backyard ponds. I'd like to have a normal spousal fight that doesn't have cancer lurking in the subtext. greenetree, my husband will likely start his chemo next week. Blockage pain got in the way this week. Trying to get him to like yogurt as the acidofulus (too early to go look up the spelling) is supposed to be a good digestive aid and it's easy going down. Maybe if soy works those icecreams/cheese that are soy would?? Got him one of every brand to try.Friend where I used to live survived chemo/radiation for breast cancer largely on chocolate and cigarettes, and was durned defiant about it. Quit cigs later. The clothes thing I can dig. My husband was a 42 waist in Jan pre-surgery. Yeah, he was a bit overweight. Now a 34. Him walking around like a scarecrow in his old clothes did no good for his head, or mine or our 11 year old's so I bought him some new pants and stuff. Looks pretty cute. It is odd to have one's husband so much smaller than one's self. Cancer upsets many big/small dynamics. Our daughter mostly treats him as if he were "normal" but some things are not and I know it gets to her having a weak/sleepy daddy, and every possible plan in the world being a function of "if daddy feels better" or "when daddy's working again." Which too often is the truth. Luckily, they still bond over Frank Zappa, computer games and kinda spar like siblings. I can totally dig using the anger in the cab driver fight. greenetree, this is fun. Thanks. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1227 Registered: 9-2003 |
Gotta get ready for work, but one last thought on the whole "cancer is my life" thing. I hate, he hates, my friend hates how people expect you to get all natural and holistic and spiritual. Your personality and preferences don't change miraculously. You don't suddenly love organic food, hate smoking and develop appropriate spending habits (unless forced). And being a curmudgeon didn't bring it on. And, your habits didn't necessarily, either. | ||
| mjh Citizen Username: Mjh Post Number: 67 Registered: 5-2001 |
Duncan, You're not out of line..........red ribbons in the 80's and early 90's politicized AIDS in a way that was desperately needed in order to get support for research, de-stigmatization, etc. Breast cancer research increased tremendously when it became politicized and the "pink ribbons" began. I just think those of us who've been thru it all 1) don't necessarily want to wear a pink ribbon as a "badge of honor" and don't necessarily like being linked to cancer-as-my-identity forever; and 2) when you are sick from chemo or just had your breast removed, a little pink ribbon seems an cute little understatement that can be annoying. That said, I appreciate the advances in treatment and the people who've made it happen. Greenetree: Carnation instant breakfast was tolerable to me (and to my dad before he died) and has very similar calories/nutrition/protein as the more expensive Boost/Ensure etc. cynicalgirl and greenetree: The "virtual cafe" on MOL has a "best joke" thread going that's pretty good. Mary Jo | ||
| Brett Citizen Username: Bmalibashksa Post Number: 1559 Registered: 7-2003 |
Greentree, My aunt has cancer and is in pretty poor shape. Her son, an extreme momma’s boy, was having a hard time seeing his mom in wigs, hats, and sweat pants. He’s died the wigs purple, bright blue, replaced her hats with things like Mickey Mouse ears and Dr Seuss hats. Every time he comes up with something new the two of them are laughing for hours. The last one I’ve heard of was when a few family members flew in to see Kathy. She woke up, showered and returned to her room only to find nothing but a large Pimp Hat, and a “Technicolor Dream Coat”. So the people waiting her living room, expecting a sick depressed woman, instead were treated to a very bizarrely dressed woman, who refused to talk about anything but revenge. If you want I could try to borrow the “Dream Coat” | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4042 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cynical - you can get acidophoulus in capsules. Make sure to get live bacteria. Whole Foods, Frug Fair, etc. have them. MJ - thanks for the carnation idea. She can't have a lot of dairy because of the lung mucas, but it should mix with soy. Brett - I may take you up on that. She wants one of the f&*^ cancer hats that someone posted about in the other thread. She was gleeful yesterday when she found an article in the docs office about how trying to be cheerful can cause stress and make you sicker. She stole the article to quote to her friends. As she said, why worry about stealing magazines from the docs office? What's it gonna do? Give her cancer? | ||
| Duncan Supporter Username: Duncanrogers Post Number: 4002 Registered: 12-2001 |
I wasn't suggesting, fwiw, that we be all giddy happy cancer survivors. Just that we not lose sight of the money and good done by the ribbons in the past in raising consciousness. Personally this is how I'm goin.... Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night. Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. And you, my father, there on the sad height, Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. |
