| Author | Message | ||
     SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2048 Registered: 9-2003 |
Greenie - it has nothing to do with birth order -my husband's "the baby" and we're always in charge. Not that we want to be... but that's how it is. Your mom's a pip.. I think I like her. My mom doesn't bother me with trivial things.. like cancer. A couple of years ago Drs. cut a 3" diameter hole at the top of her head to remove cancerous tissue - she decided that I didn't need to know this until it was healed. She slipped on the ice once in front of her apartment.. compound fracture, bone sticking out of her arm..she went in and called friends & neighbors until she found someone to take her to the hospital.."Mom 911" says I... her response: "oh no.. that's only for an emergency.  | ||
| Brett Citizen Username: Bmalibashksa Post Number: 1639 Registered: 7-2003 |
greetree we do it to horses all the time. If it's a boy dog, and he "mistakingly" eats birth control pills, he'll calm right down. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4200 Registered: 5-2001  |
Actual e-mail excerpt in response to my sending mom's chemo schedule to my brothers so we could divide up the dates to go help her out: ....I learned from being there the last time that being with mom during chemo isn't really quality time. I'd rather go when she isn't sick.... Really? After I picked my jaw up off of the floor and stopped shaking my head, I wrote back "it's not supposed to be quality time, doofus. It's about helping her out when she needs it" Two master's degrees.... two...... | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 6487 Registered: 1-2003  |
Unbelievable. Will the same though occur to him when he considers attending someone's funeral? | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4201 Registered: 5-2001 |
Well, we all have our ways of dealing with things. He & the baby pretty much can't adapt to the idea of her being sick. I kind of thought, however, that being there to help her out during this past chemo would have been a learning experience. Actually, it was. He learned that it's not quality time. That's a good point on the funeral thing, tho. Wouldn't surprise me. At least I have one somewhat normal brother who gets it. I just called TS at work & apologized for giving her so many abnormal sibs-in-law. | ||
| Duncan Supporter Username: Duncanrogers Post Number: 4214 Registered: 12-2001  |
Greenie..embrace their abnormality. dysfunction is the rage is it not? Why else would Zoloft be in such demand. Seriously, some people are terrified as hell of sick folk. My own sister had a real hard time with my mom when she was in the hospital with multiple tubes coming out of her head as a result of an anurysm bursting on her brain one night. She genuinely wanted to be there and be helpful, but the prospect of going to the hospital repulsed her. So she helped out by making dinner for my dad and me so that when we got home dinner wouldn't even be an issue. And this was in deep woods Vermont in Sept/Oct in an unheated house. She did her part her way. Your brother will find his way to be helpful. And if he doesn't just rip him a new one.  | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4203 Registered: 5-2001 |
Well, he's dumb, but he did just send an e-mail ocnfirming that he'll take the June chemo. Dunc- yeah - everyone is doing what they can. Poptart Guy aka Quality Time is buying mom a new house. Don't ask. Baby Bro (the one who called her in the hospital to ask her about changing her long distant plan) bought her a new computer so that we all could have better access when we are there. Again, don't ask. The normal one (the lawyer) is frustrated because he set up all these Powes of Attorneys for the other two doofuses (doofi?) to sign, but they are busy buying new houses and computers and cannot remember to sign the papers. | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 6496 Registered: 1-2003 |
Truth is stranger than fiction. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2061 Registered: 9-2003 |
Greenetree - At least you have one normal sib - you guys would make a great segment on Oprah - (or maybe Dr. Phil?) I won't ask, but it seems like Poptartguy and Baby are dealing with things as they can... and poptartguy will no doubt give you more fodder for your book when he's there in June... you ARE going to put all this in a book someday, right? Or at least do a stand-up routine at Arts? | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4217 Registered: 5-2001 |
What a crazy, busy weekend. Had our annual "we're all going to hell" seder on Saturday. Downscaled a bit because there are so many things going on. We were only 10, which was perfect. I thought it was bad that we sing Chanukah songs because no one can remember the Passover songs, but yesterday I talked to a woman who serves noodle Kugle at seder, so I think we're not so bad. At least we stay kosher! TS and mom spent a long time on speakerphone Saturday, with TS describing what she was cooking. "Tell me what spices you are using. Oooohhhh, yeahhhhhh. I loooooove roast beef that way. Tell me more, more! It really was like overhearing a phone sex session. They are both so into cooking that listening to them talk about recipes is downright pornographic. And, frankly, because they are mother/daughter in law, sometimes a little icky. Mom is home from the hospital. I know she is feeling better & things are getting back to normal because I got really angry with her this morning for the first time since she was diagnosed. She's been afraid of being alone, especially since we sent Maniac Devil Dog to live on the farm. OK - I can respect that. But, she wanted me to ask her ditzy neighbor who lives right next door to stay with her. For how long, mom? I don't know....... Then, she thought we should look into a service to have someone overnight. Mom - you have no medical necessity. You have anxiety. You need to talk to someone who can help you figure out coping mechanisms. She acknowledges this. But, as I told her, your reality is that you have cancer and you live alone. You either have to change your reality or adjust. She doesn't want to move in with her best friend (who lives in a wonderful cottage on a lake), she doesn't want to move in with us & do chemo here & she doesn't want to move in with one of my brothers in Chicago & do chemo there. She wants to stay home. But, she's afraid to be alone. So, I make her a deal: I will call The Ditz and ask her to spend a few nights with mom when she first comes home if she agrees to talk to a counselor. She even agrees that she will ask her oncologist to recommend someone. So, this morning, she tells me that they are going to discharge her this afternoon. Did you ask your doctor about a counselor? yes. Uh, Oh. Mom. What exactly did you say to him? well, I told him that you want me to see a counselor, but that I don't think I need to see a counselor and that I had to ask him to recommend someone because I promised you & we made a deal. Mom -what else did you tell him? I told him that you wanted me to see a counselor because you were afraid that I would get a disease from my cats and that I needed help in giving them up. Can I tell you I went nuts? This is really great. Because, now, when I call, he will think of me as the overly-neurotic, pushy daughter & I'll have a hell of a time getting him on the phone. Besides, I'm the one who told her that if she uses gloves and a mask to clean the litter box, that she can keep her cats. I really yelled at her. And this is after I made arrangements to have an alarm system put in so that she could feel safer without the dog. I just had her & her best friend on speaker phone. When I told BF what mom said to her doctor, she told mom that she's gonna kill her. SOLady - you have given me a goal. If I kill my mother and go to jail, I think there are laws that prevent me from making any profits on my book. So, if I decide I want to earn a living as an author, I will take up yoga and let someone else kill her. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4228 Registered: 5-2001 |
I feel kind of bad. Mom's BF told me that they were talking about the dog last night & mom knows that she just can't handle him while she's having treatment, if ever. But, he is happy, there are kids on the farm where he is staying and at least that makes her feel good. If he weren't such a handful & I wouldn't have to spend $150 a week putting him in full time day care, I'd take him. I'm fond of that damned maniac. But...... So, my brother (the normal one) calls me this morning. Did you know that mom went home from the hospital yesterday? Yes, she told me that she was being released. Well, I wish she'd told me. It was rather disconcerting to call and hear that she was no longer a patient. Mom is currently out having lunch & shopping for a bday gift with one of her friends after this morning's radiation appointment. It occurs to me that the folks tearing each other's eyeballs out over the daily-doings of the SAHMs in the Soapbox could have a field with the doings of the SAH-cancer patient. My mom & Cynicalgirl's hubby - too sick to work, but off shopping, lunching and getting side-by-side pedicures and hot rock butt massages at Leo Nails. Not to be confused with Leo's Nails.  | ||
| Duncan Supporter Username: Duncanrogers Post Number: 4257 Registered: 12-2001 |
Damn SAH cancer patients. They should at least be volunteering at the library so they wouldn't have to shut on Saturday and Sundays. Can't you guys get em off their lazy asses??  | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4231 Registered: 5-2001 |
Duncan- What's really sad is that, when mom was first diagnosed & my brothers and I were discussing everything that we needed to do, one said (not Poptart Guy & not Normal Guy) "since we have to find ways to cut expenses and exercise is good for mom, why don't we get rid of the housecleaner and she can clean her house? It will be good for her". He was serious. At the time, I tried to explain things to him. Now, I just ignore him. Which is why she gets phone calls from him in the hospital about ways to reduce her cell phone bill. We all help in our own way..... See, now you have planted the acronym "SAHC" in my head. It will lurk there for future evil purposes. It has been used two posts in a row, so it sticks (didn't know that was a rule, did you)? Hey. Sounds a lot less depressing and illness-wracked. "So, what do you"? "Oh, I don't really work right now. I have cancer and I'm in treatment". Compared to "So, what do you do"? "I'm a SAHC. My job is just as important as those who work outside the home".  | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 1811 Registered: 5-2001 |
If your brother really loved his mom, he'd move in so she could clean up after him and do all his laundry - then she'd really be getting exercise. And I thought my dad was obtuse | ||
| algebra2 Supporter Username: Algebra2 Post Number: 3284 Registered: 5-2001  |
Cyn -- I LOVE peanutbutter and dill pickles (the little gerkins are best)! YUM. Greene -- Mother's Day is MOTHER'S DAT not WIFE'S DAY -- tell him to buck up. Personally, I had a fabulous mother's day last year. I sent the hubby to Florida to see his mather and spent a weekend all alone with my child. Actually, I call it Mother-in-Law's day. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4234 Registered: 5-2001 |
Debby - he'd probably like that idea. Alg- I like that thought. I'll mention it to him. Although, since I haven't spent Mother's Day with my mom but once in 20 years, that probably makes me a bad daughter. My B-day and Mother's Day are always days apart. This year, I'm sure I'll be trying to do something for Mother's Day and my mom will wnt to make it about my birthday (which is the following Wednesday - anyone interested can send a PayPal contribution to Dave & I'll ask that he forward it on to me. ). The case management nurse from her insurance company called me this morning. My little tap dance last week worked. I know from my managed care days that case managers help the patients actually get thru the system and find loopholes. That's where I want my mom. I explain to her that "mother is doing well, but she's going out of network to doctors with whom she feels comfortable and I want her as an open case before things get hairy and she is just a new case that lands on your desk". This gentle, understanding soul asks me questions; can she climb stairs? does she need oxygen? can she drive to her treatments? who taks care of her? I'm sure that after she actually speaks to my mother, this nurse will think that I need a psychiatrist, because she is expecting a wilting, breathless, frail old lady. Speaking of which, mom calls me this morning & I leave a meeting to talk to her. Twelve minutes of ranting and raving about really, really stupid stuff. This is vintage, pre-cancer Greenemom rant. She finishes up with "Aren't you glad I'm back to my old self"? "Thrilled", I reply. "Can I go back to my meeting now since you are apparently not on death's doorstep"? "F*&% off", said she. | ||
| algebra2 Supporter Username: Algebra2 Post Number: 3287 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greene - luckily my mom and dad have no clue when mother's/father's day is -- nor do they care. I'm not into those holidays -- any holiday where someone might expect me to go to brunch is no holiday for me. I despise valentine's day too. Every year hubby gets me either nothing or something so horribly tacky that I wish I got nothing. | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 728 Registered: 12-2004  |
"It occurs to me that the folks tearing each other's eyeballs out over the daily-doings of the SAHMs in the Soapbox could have a field with the doings of the SAH-cancer patient."  I'm wondering, wouldn't the complete, accurate acronym be SAHCP? Oh well, makes no nevermind really. I happen to think all SAHCP's are selfish and lazy anyway. Glad to hear mom's feeling back to her old self, and I am continually impressed by the grace and humor with which you are handling this entire situation. When I grow up I want to be just like you!  | ||
| Lizziecat Citizen Username: Lizziecat Post Number: 628 Registered: 5-2003 |
Greentree; You seem to be handling things really well with your moher. Years ago, when my parents and my father-in-law were all still alive, and making me nuts, I joined a group at the NCJW in Livingston for women dealing with aging parents. It was an eye opener, hearing the kinds of problems other women had. It made mine seem manageble. Now that all of them are gone, and I find myself to be the oldest generation in my family, it has given me perspective on how to conduct my relationships with my children, i.e. how not to be. I'm not saying you need a group, but they do exist if you want one. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4235 Registered: 5-2001 |
I'm grown-up? Alg - that's so funny. TS patently refuses to get me anything for VD, says it's a Hallmark Holiday. I agree, although we will get each other cards or she'll make a nice dinner if we're both in the mood. My mom and I have been battling over VD for years. She gets angry because I don't send cards & I tell her that I haven't sent her a card since I was in grade school. Mom also feels the same way as you do about brunch. My grandmother always wants to take her to a fancy dress-up place for her birthday & mom likes greasy-spoon coffe shops where she can appear in jeans. Even when we were little, Mother's Day activities were brunch with the grandmas.... mom just wanted a day to herself. I just called mom to let her know that I juggled some appointments for her. She started her rant from this morning again & I reminded her that I've heard it once today (chemo affects short-term memory). Without missing a beat, she says "oh" and launches into her hair. She finally cut all her remaining hair off so that it would be short. She is upset because her hair stylist (who is apparently experienced in these things) told mom that someone with her complexion and hair texture will grow back curly, coarse gray hair. "You know what that means? It means I'm gonna have pubic hair on my head. Pubic Hair. I am sitting at my desk, trying not to snort coffee out of my nose as she is making me laugh so hard. |
