| Author | Message | ||
     las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 93 Registered: 10-2003 |
The love of my life and the man with my heart decided all by himself that our marriage was over, he was going away and he left me and never turned back. He abruptly and violently severed the ties and the bonds that have kept us together, without asking my thoughts or opinion of same and now I am alone. He left on my birthday without so much as a card or a prayer or a wish for my peace, which hurt me so much because birthdays are painful for most of us folks and no one likes to spend theirs alone and forgotten. He has written me off, as if the past thirteen years were no more than a short term romance, and the wedding picture I packed with his clothes and his things turned up in the garage discarded like trash, and my heart again broke because I just cannot fathom what I did to make him hate me so much. But the pain is too great I can’t take it all in I can’t process the hurt he has caused me, so to prevent the stagnation and stuckness that comes with such angst I am moving ahead. I won’t sit in therapy and cry of the crime he committed against my heart and my soul and the crime he has done against my education and the children who need me who I was someday to serve. Since my dreams as I know them have ended and ceased and no longer can be part of my life, in order to prevent myself from going down or staying stuck and becoming an angry lady whose husband deserted her I must begin my quest forward to find new dreams and hopes. To that end I am leaving, I am packing my bags, I am moving someplace I can afford. I will pack up my cats and just a few small things, sell my car and begin my new life. I don’t know just yet if I can share with dear readers the places I intend to go – suffice it to say change is bad and I hate it, I’d rather be here in my home. But that’s just my point, about mourning and missing and thinking of things now lost – if I go there the pain will prevent me from moving ahead which is where I belong. * * * That was my draft blog as of a couple of nights ago. Now? I HATE HIM! I despise him! I can’t believe anyone could be capable of such a mean, narcissistic act! Thirteen years and he can think of no other way to end it than to simply not come home? And get this: he tells people ‘we’ve separated’ – can you believe that audacity? No, dear, WE didn’t separate. YOU LEFT ME. I think it’s easier to be sad than in a rage. | ||
| sbenois Supporter Username: Sbenois Post Number: 13379 Registered: 10-2001  |
Dearest LAS, A few weeks back I took the time to read every one of your MOL posts to see if there were any clues that this was heartache was coming. I found nothing. On the contrary I found about three posts where you went out of your way to discuss just how great your husband is (was, I guess). He even used to take you out for Ice cream - something that is splendiferous in my book. I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. Men are such jerks. Anyway, if it makes so feel just a wee bit better, know this, Sbenois LOVES the word stuckness that you threw into your post above. Stuckness That is one GREAT word. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 95 Registered: 10-2003 |
Dearest Sbenois, I have always been a tremendous fan of yours. I am not only honored you posted in my bloggette, but am thrilled you noticed my stuckness. Thank you. -las | ||
| sbenois Supporter Username: Sbenois Post Number: 13380 Registered: 10-2001 |
A tremendous fan of mine? (Thankey) | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 96 Registered: 10-2003 |
Indeed... | ||
| Lizziecat Citizen Username: Lizziecat Post Number: 593 Registered: 5-2003 |
Do not give up your dreams because of him. The man is a toad, who obviously has issues of his own, and you will, in the long run, be better off without him. If you really need to move, do so, but don't do anything in a hurry while you are still so angry and upset. Give yourself time to calm down, and think long and hard about what will be the best thing for you, for your future and for your happiness. Then go after it. Don't let yourself be pressured or conned into giving up anything that should be rightfully yours, especially where finances are involved. You are entitled to certain things, and your attorney should see to it that you get them. You'll do OK, las. You're already a lot better than you were. | ||
| sbenois Supporter Username: Sbenois Post Number: 13381 Registered: 10-2001 |
The love of my life and the man with my heart decided all by himself that our marriage was over, he was going away and he left me and never turned back. Why? He abruptly and violently severed the ties and the bonds that have kept us together, without asking my thoughts or opinion of same and now I am alone. Why? He left on my birthday without so much as a card or a prayer or a wish for my peace, which hurt me so much because birthdays are painful for most of us folks and no one likes to spend theirs alone and forgotten. Not acceptable. He has written me off, but we haven't Las as if the past thirteen years were no more than a short term romance, and the wedding picture I packed with his clothes and his things turned up in the garage discarded like trash, and my heart again broke because I just cannot fathom what I did to make him hate me so much. What happened to get you so upset at the end of March (24th)? (Edited: my memory isn't as good as it used to be.) But the pain is too great I can’t take it all in I can’t process the hurt he has caused me, so to prevent the stagnation and stuckness (<---great word I tell ya!) that comes with such angst I am moving ahead. I won’t sit in therapy and cry of the crime he committed against my heart and my soul nothing wrong with crying, let it out. and the crime he has done against my education it's your education, he hasn't the right to take it away from you. No one has that right and the children who need me who I was someday to serve. you should focus your energies to fulfilling your dream despite this moment in your life Since my dreams as I know them have ended and ceased nah, they've just been delayed a bit. As Brian of Nazareth said, always look on the bright side of life and no longer can be part of my life sure they can, in order to prevent myself from going down or staying stuck and becoming an angry lady you have a right to be angry, lady!. You'll get over it though and you'll be much stronger in the end. You just need some new dreams and hopes to supplement your older dreams and hopes whose husband deserted her I must begin my quest forward to find new dreams and hopes. see, there ya go already LAS! Great job. To that end I am leaving oh no you're not. We'll let you go away for a little while but you're not leaving unless you have a pass or Dave bans you, I am packing my bags buy new bags using his credit card , I am moving someplace I can afford Hmmmmmmmmm. I will pack up my cats and just a few small things, sell my car and begin my new life don't do this until you've really thought it through. I don’t know just yet if I can share with dear readers the places I intend to go this reminds me of a book by Dr. Seuss or was it one of his pseudonyms?– suffice it to say change is bad and I hate it, I’d rather be here in my home. yay, Las is staying (I think) But that’s just my point, about mourning and missing and thinking of things now lost – if I go there the pain will prevent me from moving ahead which is where I belong. Honestly, I think you need to look inward to see what the clues were and what may have prompted this situation. His actions are too illogical to not have some deep seated issue that you may not have been attuned to. Find out what the cause was and you might end up with a saved marriage. It's obvious you're crazy about the guy so if it were me, I'd do everything I could to try to fix it instead of blowing it up for good | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 97 Registered: 10-2003 |
Lizziecat, your post is the perfect catalyst for my newly discovered skill of smiling one moment, crying the next. (I ended up smiling.  ) Thank you. | ||
| Lizziecat Citizen Username: Lizziecat Post Number: 595 Registered: 5-2003 |
Good for you! Hang in there. You're doing great! | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 98 Registered: 10-2003 |
Oh, Sbenbois - you gave more attention to my ramblings than any professor I have had for the past three years. Thanks for reading. My reactions to your comments:  And I can't use his credit card - he demanded it back. | ||
| Duncan Supporter Username: Duncanrogers Post Number: 4109 Registered: 12-2001  |
las....for what its worth, and this is hardly an apt comparison unless you intimately know an alcoholic, but one of the first things they say when you enter "recovery" is not to "pull a geographic". That by just up and chucking things and moving that that will somehow help with the stuckness yes indeedy a great word!! Running away from here will only be a short term solution. You will still be the same you with the same pains and frustrations no matter where you go even if your taxes go down 80% Rage can be healthy when not directed at an individual, so can anger and all the other steps in the recovery process. Most of what Sbenois posted is true. But if you have come to the point where you are sure it is over, then end it. Shed your skin and life will slowly take on a deeper luster and more vivid color. Please know that we are pulling for you to work this out the most efficacious way possible be that reunion or divorce. Both take hard work and as my mother has always said, and is in fact on a yellow post it stuck to my desk under a Goethe quote..."If you think you can you can. If you think you can't you can't." I think you can, no matter what it is. Cheers | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 645 Registered: 12-2004  |
las: So glad you started this blog, so we can all keep in touch with you here. SO GLAD you have finally gotten angry with him. It's about time, and he certainly deserves it. He deserves it more than I can accurately express in writing! Don't know if you're still intending to leave, I hope it was just a thought you entertained for a while and put in writing. I think I agree that it might not be the best time to make that kind of decision. Also, your writing is eloquent and beautiful, and seems to clearly illustrate your thoughts and feelings. You are wise and strong and seem to being doing all the things you should be doing at this horrible time in your life. Keep it up. I'm pulling for you and, clearly, so are many others. | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 1788 Registered: 5-2001 |
las - good for you! I am trying to work up the oomph to start my own blog. You have done so beautifully here. stuckness...absolutely beautiful (it's the first thing I noticed, too). Debby | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 99 Registered: 10-2003 |
Duncan and Meand - thank you for writing in my bloggette. I don't think I am running away, per se. The reason I am leaving is because staying in my home means stress. Stress about HIM's plans, stress about HIM's promises to pay bills. HIM has stated clearly (well, as clear as a deranged fool can articulate) that he is through with me, he wants a divorce. HIM is thinking of putting the house on the market soon. (Apparently, since it took HIM 12.5 years to get the courage up to leave me, HIM's done wasting time and wants to move ahead full force.) Lounging in the sun parlor last weekend with my cats, not knitting, not reading, not watching tv, just lying on the sofa in a state of some sort, I realized that by being in that house I am waiting. I am waiting for HIM to stop paying for it; waiting for HIM to come home to me; waiting for HIM to put the house on the market. That's not a healing way to live. I have to leave my house to heal. And that's sad - it's my dream home. And it's gardening season. There is nothing better than gardening season in Maplewood. | ||
| shestheone Citizen Username: Shestheone Post Number: 139 Registered: 5-2003 |
las -- you can work in my garden anytime! | ||
| sac Supporter Username: Sac Post Number: 2052 Registered: 5-2001 |
Does he own the house HIMself or is it jointly owned? If the latter, he has no right to put it on the market without your consent. Even if he does own it, I have to believe that you have some rights in this situation, although I don't know for sure. If you haven't done so already, please discuss all of this with an attorney and be sure that your rights are protected. Good luck! | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2015 Registered: 9-2003 |
las, dear girl.. in reading between the lines of your posts, something tells me that you have not yet seen an attorney. Once again, please call Gomperts & Braun in Springfield. They are excellent. If the house is jointly owned, do not move right now - deserting the home is a big barganing chip when it comes down to who left first. Do join a support group - and DO take Algebra up on her movie night offer. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 102 Registered: 10-2003 |
Debby: if you start a blog I promise I'll read it and post replies that reflect how whitty you are. shestheone: thank you for the gardening offer! sac: Thank you for your concern. The house is owned jointly. I have been in touch with an attorney, know where I stand, etc. SOLady: I must be rambling all over the place and not being clear. Surprisingly, I've done everything you fear I haven't - I've seen the atty, joined a support group and plan to get tanqued at Algebra's house tomorrow night! Thank you for your concerns. (Will I see you at Algebra's tomorrow?...) | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 825 Registered: 8-2003  |
las - you are an inspiration....the past few weeks have surely been a dreadful rollercoaster of emotions and crazy events that never even occurred to you could possibly happen in your life. And here you are -- living day by day, moment by moment, smile by smile and cry by cry. I admire you and your courage. I hope to know how you fare in 6 months and in 12 months and ...well, you get the picture. keep on keepin' on. And one day you will wake and find that you are doing more than merely "keepin' on", you are enjoying life again! | ||
| tsd33 Citizen Username: Tsd33 Post Number: 107 Registered: 6-2001 |
las - you are doing an amazing job! I knew you would get angry eventually and I am so happy to see the rage spilling out of you. HIM is a toad! Just continue to breathe in and breathe out and you are going to do just fine. You are a strong and wonderful person (I know this for sure!) and will absolutely land on your feet. You have so much life ahead of you. We will be sad to have you leave your lovely house and your lovely garden in our lovely maplewood but you will find an equally lovely home in whatever place you choose to live. I agree that waiting in the house is waiting for something that is never to happen. He wants to sell it and it will be very complicated for you to try to work around that. You know you have lots of friends who adore you (like me!) and you should continue to lean on them for support when you need to! Hugs. |
