| Author | Message | ||
     DeborahG Citizen Username: Deborahg Post Number: 1335 Registered: 5-2001  |
That's just so beautiful, Las -- of them and of you. I remember when my marriage ended that was one of the *huge* discoveries I made, that people could be so kind and loving and supportive of me once I dropped my guard and admitted I needed to receive help instead of just giving it. And when June comes, if you still need supplies, please let me know -- I think we could easily raise some funds for this from local businesses, and I would be more than happy to get that in the works. Peace, Deborah | ||
| ajc Citizen Username: Ajc Post Number: 3748 Registered: 9-2001  |
"I think we could easily raise some funds for this from local businesses..." Great idea Deborah, put us on your short list... Las, you can count on us too at H2TA to do a fundraiser anytime you want, plus we're really big into creating Arts! The more Arts the better...  | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 127 Registered: 10-2003 |
Deborah - be careful what you offer...I might just take you up on that! (Your post is yet more proof that you are a giver.) The more Arts the better. I'm probably the last person in Maplewood to figure out what that means. I actually never thought of what I do as being worthy of a fundraiser or donations - it really doesn't cost much money (at least in my past life when I was rich it didn't), rather, it's just something I started to do at this program to get out of changing diapers.  | ||
| marian Citizen Username: Marian Post Number: 620 Registered: 9-2001 |
Las, Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and that I'm sorry I haven't posted more. Glad to hear that you're doing a little bit better. The key just now is to survive and then, eventually -- maybe even sooner than you think -- to thrive. You have a great online support system, Las. Keep using it! | ||
| ajc Citizen Username: Ajc Post Number: 3749 Registered: 9-2001 |
It means that “Here's 2 the Arts” is all about the Arts. The performing, the dramatic, the visual, and of course your hobby on Saturdays to make Arts and Crafts with some folks whose brains don’t work like ours... God bless you Las. BTW, my daughter is an art teacher in NYC, and I know what a difference she makes with these young kids. As Marian says, "You have a great online support system, Las. Keep using it!" | ||
| DeborahG Citizen Username: Deborahg Post Number: 1336 Registered: 5-2001 |
Thanks, Las...and please, take me up on it! It's my pleasure and privilege!  | ||
| bets Betsy Elizabeth Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 1253 Registered: 6-2001  |
Las, I feel like I've been taking more than giving to you recently. But I would be more than willing to donate to your cause. As I said above, up there somewhere, children's advocacy is something you care about and is so beneficial to society. I hope you can take this uprooting to find a better place where you can thrive. And I'll always be there to help. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 128 Registered: 10-2003 |
Bets, I know you will always be there for me, just as I am here for you. There will always be a safe place in my home for you and Kitty Bets. And I might as well share the exciting news with everyone: Since our spouses didn't give us quite what we expected on our birthdays, Bets and I are going to celebrate together - with the richest, most decadent, candel-laden cake we can get our paws on. And we'll get tanqued. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2088 Registered: 9-2003 |
Las - I'm a soft touch for anything related to kids... what an extradordinary path you travel with them. Count me in for a donation. | ||
| VinnyM Citizen Username: Frodo Post Number: 90 Registered: 3-2002 |
Las, I'm sitting here at work, reading through your blog and altough I am not the best writer, I needed to tell you that I am crying. I am not crying out of sadness, but because I am touched by the strength and courage that shines through your words. You are going through a rough period, but you still are concerned with the children that you help. You are a bright light in a sometimes dim world. If there is anything that I can do to help, please feel free to ask. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4293 Registered: 5-2001  |
Las- How are you doing? Just checking in... | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 134 Registered: 10-2003 |
Vinny, If you can say such nice things to a stranger I can only imagine the lovely praise you'll bestow upon your child. (And didn't you read the posts above yours where people offered help and I accepted? I'll be in touch... ) SOLady, thanks for your kind offer as well. Of course I'll be sure to hit you up! Something I should probably make clear is that not all of the people I work with are kids. Some are adults who have aged out of the program, but the Arc doesn't turn anyone away, and just because a loved one turns 26 doesn't mean the family (or group home) doesn't need a Saturday respite. I use the word 'folks' to cover the ages - they're not kids, it's not a class, we're just folks. And I despise the State's term: Consumers. Greenetree: I don't think I'm doing so horribly at this moment. And the present moment is about as much as I can handle. People are being candid with me again and I really like it. ('It's been a month - don't you think it's time for a haircut?') (It was. I got one.) It makes me understand the impetus behind your Greenetree's Mom blog. I am thinking of drafting something to post within the next couple of days. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4295 Registered: 5-2001 |
Don't draft - just post! Then, like the rest of us, you will regret whatever it is that comes back to bite you in the arse! Funny about your hatred of the word "consumers". I used to work on an antipsychotic compound, and people with schizophrenia who were hooked into the case management system actually liked that term better. They preferred it over "patient" or "schizophrenic". I had to beat the word "patient" out of the clinical team. But, I do think "folks" is better. Just like everyone else. Just folk, as you say. I'm glad you understand the impetus of my MomBlog. I never had any intention of publicly airing my mother's dirty laundry (literally - I got her "bald is beautiful" panties for Mother's Day  ), but then I think that Cynicalgirl and I were having a moment around the same time & I was getting overwhelmed by all the touchy-feely, kumbayaness of everything. It just seemed like the person who my mom really is was in danger of getting lost. Which is why I'm only half kidding when I say "just post". It's weird, it's way too personal, and probably a lot like being on a reality TV show. I mean, who knows who's really tuning in? But, this free-form stuff is a great way of not losing who you really are - even if who you really are is temporarily AWOL. Keep the chin up, girly. you can only take one moment at a time, anyway..... | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 135 Registered: 10-2003 |
I'd love to chat but I've got to run Uptown to see my psychiatrist. For months I would use my precious (and expensive) session with him to talk about my former husband and my fears about his OCD (untreated), his depression which hit every November and subsided each March (he swore it wasn't seasonal and he swore he wasn't depressed), and his eating disorder (an obvious manifestation of the untreated OCD). And he wouldn't get treatment because he didn't want to suffer any side effects of medication (possible weight gain is a no-no for body image obsessed people). Instead of treatment, he ran away from home on my birthday and moved in to JESPY (where he volunteers). And I AM NOT BITTER! I am sure this one will come back to bite my arse... thanks for the inspriation, Greenetree! | ||
| sbenois Supporter Username: Sbenois Post Number: 13526 Registered: 10-2001  |
Hello LAS! Are you keeping that chin up? | ||
| shh Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 2480 Registered: 5-2001 |
I've been wondering too. Don't forget we're all pulling for you. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 136 Registered: 10-2003 |
As a matter of fact, Dearest Sbenois, I'm working hard to keep both chins up. Thanks, shh. I've got this visual of MOLers typing with one hand and pulling me with the other. It helps. | ||
| sbenois Supporter Username: Sbenois Post Number: 13536 Registered: 10-2001 |
Nah. That's backwards. You're probably the only sane one here. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 140 Registered: 10-2003 |
And five weeks have passed yet it seems so much more and I’ve aged and I’ve withered a bit and my schedule is busy and I keep myself moving for fear of falling behind. I have a routine where I come home from work and I sort through the mail putting his in a band outside of the door and I scoop litter boxes every day of my life and empty the trash each morning – I can do these two tasks for I have more time now having taken leave from school and my volunteer jobs. I still haven’t found the right place on my bed – it’s a queen size and feels simply huge and I’ve removed excess pillows and tried shifting around but the cats have their places and they don’t compromise when it comes to the places they sleep so I’m thankful for the one who sleeps next to my heart and she wanders with me through the night. Wow those nights can be long they can go on for days I wake up three to four times an hour. It’s no effort at all to fall straight asleep but staying asleep is a task so I drink and I pee and I head back to bed for the ten minute nap then I do it again all throughout the night and each night of the week I’ve done it sixty times in a row. Last week my shrink asked a most painful question, one at first hear was benign but the answer was frightening it made me cry so! – and my life seems in more chaos since then. You see the question she asked me, quite simple I thought, until I actually pondered and processed the query and weighed what it meant to my life and my past and the marriage I had for ten years and it scared me much more to hear what I said. She asked me so plainly, in simple shrink talk, ‘Do you miss him?’ I said I don’t know. I can't tell if I miss him and don’t know what's real for the anger has taken strong hold of my insides and made me despise him and hate who he is, what he’s done and all that he has become recently and the anger prevents me from seeing his beauty and things that made me love him so much for so many years of my life. Throughout the years in his gestures of love he promised to protect me from pain and from sadness yet I vividly hear him so recently saying that to make such a promise is unreasonable and no one should make such a pledge. The bouquet of orchids he bought the Sunday in March just three days before he walked out are now dead and I keep them in the very same vase that he put them so they’ll be here for him to clean up when I leave. What if I don’t miss him after all of these years does that mean my life is a lie? I’m just not going there it is too soon to judge I am trying to get through my day. I realize for me when the pain is too much I can’t post-mortem events in my mind for I need the distance of time and of space to calm and to heal at least a bit so with my new strength I can then face those issues too hard to face when the pain is so raw. So for now I keep moving and going ahead and seeing each moment by moment and maybe some day there will be a time when sleep isn’t so far away and social engagements aren’t a must for each day when the time comes that I can be alone with myself and my thoughts and my cats and just me then I will think and review thirteen years of my life with the man who I loved and wonder indeed if I did. | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 5543 Registered: 5-2001 |
Las: I've only just now found your blog. It sounds like you are really starting to get your priorities back in shape and that's great. While you are looking into pre-certification teaching opportunities, have you considered contacting the SO/M School District about substitute teaching opportunities? No teaching certification is needed and last I heard, they were always looking for good subs. Another possibility to consider is a program with the New York City Department of Education where you can gain paid experience while working towards your certification. This is a fellowship program with supervision, much like student teaching but geared to persons who have experience in other fields and are looking to make a career change. One of my neighbors entered teaching through this program so I am sure they will take New Jersey residents. |
