| Author | Message | ||
     greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4387 Registered: 5-2001  |
Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup... Run run run run run run run run awaaaaay.... You are all correct, of course. I've never let it bother me until the current situation. And maybe it's where I'm channeling my anger? Poor mom is miserable. Her throat is swollen practically shut from radiation. She's using lidocaine & pain killers. I was on the phone with her when she tried to swallow a couple Tylenol gelcaps & she was almost crying from the pain. I talked to our family friend/physician last night. He is such a doll. He called to tell me that he thinks it wouldn't hurt her to be on an antidepressant right now & I agree. He's called her in to talk to her. She just won't hear about going to a support group or a counselor. I'm feeling very frustrated because I'm here, she's there & miserable & I don't even know what I could do if I were there. I'm going to go plant some more flowers..... | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1384 Registered: 9-2003  |
Flower planting is good therapy. I also rather enjoy my electric hedge trimmer. I also guiltily enjoy the occasional flipping of the bird and curse word at nasty drivers who try to run into me on Valley while I'm pulling out of the Pathmark. Especially if they are careless young women in beatup white Chevy Cavaliers. MO-RONS!!! I need to buy a scale to keep track of my husband's weight loss. Have had fun with docs this week in my screaming for attention. Which I got, tho the process was wearing. He's now taking an appetite enhancement drug, I'm making him drink 3 high protein meal thingies a day in addition to what food he does eat. Also got the chiro calling the onco to affirm the importance of the back problem that preceded all this, and how a certain kind of shots in the spine therapy could help. Honestly. If I weren't scared poopless about ticking them off I'd be YELLING AT THEM AND CALLING THEM MO-RONS!! Which they are, in their tunnel-visioned, not my specialty selves. I swearda god our hamster would be better at putting together the pieces in order. That's the prob; no one Super Doc watching it all and orchestrating. GP is good but too much is beyond his ken. And his barbie. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 145 Registered: 10-2003 |
Cynicalgirl, don't spend your money. I have a good scale for you. Greentree, I want you to know I love tuna noodle casserole, too. Speaking of scales and eating: Rudy the chihuahua passed the three pound mark last week. Hugs, Ladies. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4391 Registered: 5-2001 |
Las - sometimes you've got nowhere to go but up, ya know? The apartment is just a stop while you are getting things in order. Why not take the sconces? Wrap them up in a box & leave them in the top of a closet. Someday down the road in a new house, you'll either put them up as a monument to how strong you are or throw them out because you are so far past that. I was really worried about mom yesterday & woke up thinking that I would talk to her doc tomorrow about home IV nutrition. She had nothing but jello & chicken broth for 3 days. But, her best friend stayed over last night & tonight and she is eating. Of course, it's tuna noodle casserole. But, hey. She likes it & I've been outvoted on the ick factor anyway.  Great news about Rudy - he & mom both seem to be gaining. More good news - Baby Bro has agreed to the rectal-cranial separation surgery. I called and asked him if he'd go spend a couple days with mom this week, since having someone there seems to keep her calmer. He said he thinks he can do it & will check his schedule. I hope he finds the courage to follow thru. Of course, just when things are looking up.... The good news: our kitty who was diagnosed with leukemia a year & a half ago & wasn't expected to live more than 6-9 months is still with us. The bad news is that she is failing fast. We're in that hellish place with an animal when you know it's time to take responsibility for keeping them pain free. The worst part is deciding when. She's down to about 5 pounds - we can see every bone in her body & she has little energy. But, she's eating, drinking, purring & using her litter box. She even sits at the door and cries to be let out. So, it isn't time. It's just hell watching. Each time I go thru this, I swear I'm never getting another cat again. Oh well. And the beat goes on.... | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4392 Registered: 5-2001 |
It occurs to me .... forgive me while I wax philosophic.... that my life is pretty good. Not to say I'm not going thru my •••• right now, but hey - ain't that part of life? The thing is, there are some things you just know will happen in your lifetime. You will lose a parent. Some ways are worse than others. Too soon, too painful, etc. But, I'll have had my mom until at least middle age. TS's father dropped dead out of the blue when she was 13. I don't know when I will lose my mom; I know it will be sooner than I would have hoped. I remember vividly when one of my closest friends, age 55, said to me on his father's death at the age of 86 last fall, "you are never old enough to lose a parent". People who own pets love and cherish them like family. Putting them down is so painful. But, again, you know going in that it's part of the bargain. I've not lost my life partner. People don't plan on or expect that. I'll never deal with losing a child or the devastating illness of a child. That's never in the plan, either. My house is beautiful, my job is boring but allows me to lead a very nice life. We have our health problems, but we also have good health insurance. TS will be able to retire at 50 and many, many people can't plan on that. My brothers and dad are close and supportive. I love all my in-laws. I spent 8 hours planting flowers and herbs in the sunshine today. So, do I have much to complain about? Not really..... | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4393 Registered: 5-2001 |
Not that anyone needs any more depressing examples, but another way my life is good: our neighbor got a phone call Saturday that her 35 y/o brother had been killed in a car accident. This, too, I have not experienced. I cannot begin to fathom what it would be like to receive that phone call.... So, before we get too morbid, let me brighten things up by telling you that I just had an argument with mom over whether soy milk is really milk. I suggested that she mix Carnation Instant Breakfast with soy milk & she can't have anything dairy because of the terrible indigestion. "Don't you understand that I can barely get water down"? she wails.... "Yes, I know. But I also understand that you managed some tuna noodle casserole last night". Mom is just cranky and into being contrary. Can't say I blame her, but she's got to get some nutrion, somehow. I talked to the dog lady last night. She loves the Maniac Devil Dog & he's very happy romping around the farm. He really needs to stay there. But, instead, when all this is over, I will scrape up some obscene amount of money to send him to Doggie Boot Camp so that he can come home. My brothers, who do not understand that bond with a pet is like, will have to get over it. I won't even ask them to split the training cost with me. Why stir the pot, ya know? Oh - back at the beginning of this saga (so many years ago, it seems) I'd said that all were welcome here. This is the place to bitch, laugh and share, both useful and inane advice, thoughts, etc. about all the crap we all deal with. There is no history or personal crap here. Just sharing among friends.  | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 933 Registered: 8-2003  |
Greenetree - the 35 year old car accident victim, TS's father dying suddenly... I fear the randomness of life and the things we can't control. I am not saying we can control cancer - if only. But there's at least a warning, the 30 second buzzer if you will. I don't know what's worse, but I do know that I don't like surprises, never did. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4394 Registered: 5-2001 |
Pippi- I know. I think that, for the people who die, the instant thing is probably best. Not so much for the loved ones left behind. At least I'm getting a chance to do what I need to do with my mom and I know that if she were to drop dead this minute, I would have no regrets about things I did or didn't do/say. My biggest fear in all of this is for her. I hope that she does not linger in pain. I wish for her what I wish for myself - dying quietly of heart failure in my sleep at whatever age I am that I can no longer care for myself. When she (and my dad, for that matter) dies, I will be heartbroken and grief-stricken and I will slowly recover. I, too, fear the random kind of loss more than anything. | ||
| Wendyn Supporter Username: Wendyn Post Number: 1708 Registered: 9-2002 |
My mom is starting to decline mentally, probably alzheimers. So I decided to try to do a family trip to Disney at Christmas. Mom is pushing back, saying my kids are too young and it is too crowded and too expensive. I don't want to say that if we wait until my kids are older she might not be able to go. As it is she is coming to visit Memorial Day weekend and I am making up excuses as to why we don't need her to babysit. She just isn't capable of babysitting the 2 year old. Heck, I am barely capable of babysitting my 2 year old. For her sake I would have preferred something much more quick, rather than this slow decline. She knows it is happening and is very scared. We are trying to keep her spirits up but I am so far away there is not much I can do, aside from visiting and having her visit as much as possible. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 935 Registered: 8-2003 |
No one wants to see their loved ones suffer. When my father passed away (he was ill and we had time to prepare, although you are never prepared. But we left nothing unsaid, and he left us knowing how very much he was loved) I was not with him in his final hours. I can only imagine the sheer terror and fear he must have felt and the thoughts that went through his mind. I am hopeful that he was drugged up and unaware. Death must be a very frightening thing to be aware of... wendyn - is there a way to bring her to love closer to you? does she live near other loved ones? | ||
| Wendyn Supporter Username: Wendyn Post Number: 1709 Registered: 9-2002 |
She lives near my sister in Texas. She is much happier in Texas than in NJ (where she lived most of her adult life), but she misses my kids a lot. It puts a burden on my sister to be the primary caretaker while my brother and I are in NJ. I think she would be much better if she thought that death wasn't too far off, as opposed to having no idea how long she would live with this disease. Her mom lived 10 years with Alz, and the last 5 was incapacitated. She desparately doesn't want to be a burden, but she is already starting to become paranoid at our attempts to help. Arg. Don't want to steal the thread, but the recent postings hit a nerve as we had a bad "mom themed" weekend. | ||
| mjh Supporter Username: Mjh Post Number: 132 Registered: 5-2001 |
Hello Greenetree; I was struck by your comment regarding your mother trying to swallow Tylenol gelcaps..... Maybe your mom should be getting stronger (e.g. narcotic) pain medicine while her throat is so tremendously sore? (not that I have the whole picture or know what other medications she gets). I really studied this issue while working in HIV care for many years........The use of narcotics in short term situations is quite safe and there is no reason to fear "addiction" while treating pain related to medical problems on a temporary basis You can get codeine and other stronger pain medications in liquid form........no need to swallow pills to control pain when the pill itself causes pain......ya' know? And if her pain were better, maybe she could eat? My message to Mrs. Greenemom is that it's OK to ask for relief! and to greenetree: GREAT JOB! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4395 Registered: 5-2001 |
Pippi- we discussed having mom come live with me or my brother. Then, when we saw her friends in action, we realized that moving her away from what she knows & loves & the people who love her, would kill her, probably literally. So, as hard as it is to not be there, we have left it alone. I've promised her that I won't bring it up again until if and when she reaches a point where she really needs 24/7 care and would feel better & safer living with one of us. Her best friend has made that same offer. Wendy - how awful. Mom's biggest fear is having her mind affected, since SCLC usually comes back to the brain. The flip side is that if she goes into remission, they will prophylactically irradiate her brain to prevent this. Then, she will lose some memory, etc. But, she will have a very high chance of not getting brain cancer. Choose your poison. What I said to my mom about doing some things with the family is "God forbid something happens, it will be nice that we got a chance to .......". It has worked & is a way of saying what no one wants to say. Hell, it should go for anyone, since anything can happen at any time, anyway. I've pretty much decided that life is too short and unexpected to hold grudges. They are childish, anyway. So, I try to make up with people over silly things that never mattered to begin with and not get mad over silly things that don't matter. I try to be more patient and less judgemental (neither a strong suit in the past). You can never take back things that come out of your mouth in anger, after all. There are people on other threads jumping all over others for all kinds of decisions - pedicures, political support for this, that or the other one, pesticides, bike races, lawn mowers. I think what bothers me is the venom and names thrown at people who don't share the same views. Not all of these people throw names, of course. But sometimes you can feel the vitriol. Walk a mile in Cyn's shoes. Or Wendy's shoes. Or Las' shoes. Then see how much you care about Vic De Luca running for office. Of course, some days I do better with this lofty new set of goals than others.....  BTW - I am very proud of Baby Bro. He called me this morning to tell me that he wants to go stay with mom tomorrow thru Friday. Unfortunately, he has the sniffles & asked me if that is OK. But, this is the point in mom's chemo cycle that she has no immune system. So, he's going to see how he feels tomorrow. The good thing is that he is willing to step up. I'm sorry - I am obviously in a very edgy mode today. I came in to a voice mail forwarded to me by my boss, complaining that someone asked me for something 6 weeks ago & didn't get it. Yet - I have the e-mail from this person, dated last Wednesday, where they introduce themselves and ask for the document. I am so sorry to inform you that thinking about asking for a document and finally getting around to it are not the same thing. Oh, yeah. I'm letting this kind of stuff roll. Well, maybe today, not so much..... | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4396 Registered: 5-2001 |
Thanks MJ. Yeah - she's got all kinds of groovy drugs. The Tylenol are like little supplemental candies. The problem is that she has the equivalent of a horrible sunburn in her esopheagus from radiation. So, she has lidocaine which works for pain, but runs the risk of paralysis so that she can't use it & eat. But, the burn is too severe for her to ear comfortably. She has a constant case of the Mother of All Indigestion. The rest of her is not in pain. So, morphine wouldn't even help. But, thanks for the thought. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 936 Registered: 8-2003 |
greenetree (and cyn and las and wendy) you are inspirational...it is amazing to peek in on your lives and feel your pain and appreciate your sense of humor and agonize with you while you are moving backward and moving forward. Because this IS life. If it's not mine, its yours, but it could be mine. It could be any one of us, it's so universal. Not to wax too philosophical, but life is truly amazing. Maybe because it's finally spring, but I see beauty in the littlest things. And despite all the CRAP life hands us (and it DOES, it always does) to see people stumble through, find their way and ultimately persevere -- AND, get something out of it -- is really beautiful. I think there must be a lesson learned in everything. too bad most people don't ever "get it" Greenetree, (and cyn and las and wendy) I think you got it. | ||
| mjc Citizen Username: Mjc Post Number: 562 Registered: 10-2004 |
wendyn, I see your family has "done" Alzheimer's before, but for what it's worth I'll just say that my father-in-law's Alzheimer's/dementia was actually less traumatic than we all expected. He was annoyed at first about being "dumb" as he said, but then for quite a while he seemed able to relax into being cared for by family and others, and enjoyed the most immediate things around him - eating (after many years of very disciplined healthy eating, he became a big fan of Frosted Flakes), being outdoors, touching soft things. Then there was a fairly steep decline, then he was gone. Not to say it was a picnic, or what any of us would have chosen for him, BUT it did give us a chance to return some of the care he had extended to us for all those years, and he did enjoy life till nearly the end, even with the limitations of the disease.  to you and all your family - MC | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4397 Registered: 5-2001 |
This thread is getting dangerous. Time for something to change course. A little politically incorrect (and moldy & old) humor: How can you tell when a blond has been using the computer? There's white out all over the screen! GMF called me Saturday, hysterical that mom still isn't picking up her phone. I said "you said you would leave her alone". Then, she wanted to know why mom is mad at her & what mom said to me in the kitchen after the blow-up. I told her I would not discuss anything between the two of them with her (just with millions on strangers on the WWW). Ten minutes later, she finally says "but I'm embarrassed when people ask how she is doing I have to tell them that I haven't talked to her". See - once again, she talked past the point of me feeling sorry for her. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 938 Registered: 8-2003 |
sorry to get all maudlin on your blog this should get a good laugh. This is truly hilarious! new terrorism alerts http://www.msxnet.org/humour/terror_alert | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4398 Registered: 5-2001 |
Pip- don't worry about. I started it.  | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 146 Registered: 10-2003 |
I've got four lovely peony bushes I can't take with me to my new flat. Who wants them? Pale pink. Heavenly. |
