| Author | Message | ||
     sportsnut Citizen Username: Sportsnut Post Number: 1850 Registered: 10-2001  |
Las - I've read nearly all of your your posts since this ordeal began. I've thought many times of posting but could never think of the right way to say what I wanted to say. All I can say is that you will get through this and it will take time and it will hurt and you will go through the range of emotions that you've been detailing for us to read. I went through all of those when the woman I had dated for three years one day said, "I think its time to take a break." I remember those words as if they were said to me five minutes ago - it was over 15 years ago that she called me to tell me that we needed a break. I knew what it meant. We had dated through both of our graduations from college (she was a year behind me) right up through her first year of Law School. It was my first exposure to this area (she lived in SO and attended SH Law). The bad news came in bunches. My car was stolen in March of that year and within a month I was reduced to a comatose, empty body with one simple phone call. At first I tried to fight it - I asked all the questions you probably asked. The one I never received an answer for was, Why? To this day I still don't know. I remember going to dinner at a restaurant in the Ironbound with her for our "anniversary" and an older woman stared at us while we were at the bar waiting for our table. She later came up to us and declared that we looked like the happiest married couple in the place. We thanked her and said we weren't married. Her response was that we should be. Little did I know that it would all come to an end a few months later. The hardest thing to go through is the feeling of loss - not the past but the future. As you have said, music is hard. To this day there are two songs that make the hair on the back of my neck stand - I get goosebumps when I hear the opening notes. Even after all these years. But it will pass. The first couple of months I spent trying to re-connect with old friends, finding myself getting angry for all those friendships I let slip away because I spent so much of my time and energy on a relationship that ultimately ended. I spent many sleepless nights lying there thinking why. I stopped eating - lost 25 lbs. that I couldn't afford to lose. My room at home was in a shambles. When I finally moved out 8 months later there were still things on the floor that were there when we broke up. I was young so I did a lot of stupid things, self-destructive things. Don't let yourself fall into that trap. Grieve but don't dwell. It sounds like you've already started keeping yourself busy. Most of all, focus on what you want then go after it. Don't wallow. I spent 6 months wallowing and two years grieving. I tried dating - but I just wasn't into it. I wasn't ready yet and I wound up hurting other people who had nothing to do with my situation. I thought about her everyday for a long time and you will too. How could you not? I've read your words wondering what you were like, who you were and admiring your courage for sharing your situation with all of us online. The funny thing I started to heal after one of the aformentioned neglected friends called me one day and invited me to move into the city with her. We had been great friends since middle school and I had lost touch with her for a couple of years, yet she extended that offer to me and I took it. It was the first step towards making my life what it is today. You know this person - I'm not sure how well, but you do know her and her brother. I now know who you are and after reading this blog it all came together. I saw the for sale sign and remarked to my wife as to why your house would be sold - it is such a nice house. My wife asked the other day where the other car was. Now I know. I have put all the pieces together. It was sad to read prior to my knowing, and now it is all the more heart-breaking. You may not remember me or my son but one of the first people we visited when we moved in was you - I believe you were planting flowers in your yard and I think you even stopped by our house shortly after we moved in. Your screen name and the story about the boys selling candy helped me put it all together. I don't know what else to say except I am sorry. As I said, you will get through it. You'll have great days and terrible ones but gradually the great days will become more and the terrible ones less till one day you'll wake up and hear a song and instead of crying you'll smile a sad smile. It is at that point you'll know that you've healed. | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 898 Registered: 12-2004  |
Las, if you have room for the piano you should take it. And it's so sweet that, especially at this difficult time in your life, you even remembered we spoke about me keeping it for you. In a way I wonder if the fact that you are so selfless and so caring about other people is helping you stay connected, and keeping you from retreating inside yourself. But you musn't forget to think of yourself too. Try to be as good to las as you are to everyone else. Take good care of her, treasure her, be thoughtful of her. If playing the piano was something you did and enjoyed "before," then you should try to do it and enjoy it again "after." It would have been great for me if I could have "borrowed" it until you needed it or wanted it back again, but I'm glad it's working out that you can take it with you. If there's room in your new place, then it seems like it was just meant to be that you should play it. I don't know when you're planning to move, but it sounds like you're working on making the new place a home and I think that's great. I hope there is a part of that process that makes you feel good. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4424 Registered: 5-2001  |
Forgive me if I'm telling her secret - but Las is one rockin' chick. Pinhead just doesn't deserve her..... | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 155 Registered: 10-2003 |
Sportsnut, thank you for sharing your story. You are an impressive sleuth. After reading your post I left a message for that friend. J and I used to be quite close; you're lucky she is still a part of your life. I've had glimmers of your life over the past few years, and it is of tremendous comfort to know that you've moved on, and someday I might, too. Joan: a belated posting acknowledgement: Thank you for the substitute teaching and NYC suggestions. At this time, however, I can't afford to sub - I make more money at my mindless day job, and since my life has changed I really need my current job. In terms of the NYC alternate route certifications, for now I want to stay in NJ. It seems my Master's studies are on a parallel-yet never intersecting track from the alternative routes. If I were to do the latter, I would not only have to take courses while I teach, but they would not count towards my Master's. I can't handle this on top of my pending move, so I continue to hope my husband will support me until I get my degree as he had promised me for years. | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 4822 Registered: 5-2001  |
Las, Your new home sounds very nice - piano, wood floors and stairs up and down - cool. And best of all, no stinking b*stard can take that away from you - it's all yours. Let me know if you need house plants or xanax. Or wine but we have to share of course.  | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 159 Registered: 10-2003 |
I just said good-bye to my ten year old friend, the beautiful girl next door, who was just eight years old when her mother passed on and I promised her then and many times since that I’d always be here for her. She’s so young yet so brave not once did she cry in my presence through all of these years and it breaks my heart, simply rips me in two that just like her mom I am leaving. We said our good-byes and I followed her home and we rationalized my moving was trivial that we’d be closer than ever and call all the time and be better friends than before. We hugged and we kissed and told one another I love you and I love you too, and before I knew it she was again at my door with a note for me when I get there. To say good-bye she came into the house and said she would miss being here yet brave as she is she never once told me don’t go please don’t leave her behind. We stood outside in companionable silence we gazed at the moon above which was hidden behind the haze of the clouds and she told don’t worry, it will always be there even when you can’t see it. | ||
| algebra2 Supporter Username: Algebra2 Post Number: 3412 Registered: 5-2001  |
Las -- you are a good woman. I'll see you tomorrow. I bought white wine just for you! | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 160 Registered: 10-2003 |
Algebra - for thirteen years I suffered through red wine - and you buy me white after just one date. You're awesome. And Mem, I'll take the xanax. And the wine. And the house plant. In that order. Thank you. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4451 Registered: 5-2001 |
You are not leaving her behind. You are just giving her a new place to visit. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 1519 Registered: 6-2001  |
Here's some good news: I got to hire my young friend whom I've known since his birth on Mother's day in 1984, give him a decent salary and benefits, plus free tuition to Drew. The position he's filling belonged originally to his older brother, who was promoted to Supervisor of the area and then shamelessly stolen by the Registrar (j/k - great promotion for him). He (older brother) is attending his Service Anniversary luncheon for 5 years of service next week. His brother starts the day after Memorial Day (of course I have jury duty, but I'm just his grandboss  ). It was the first really good news I've been able to give in what seems like forever. Las, you'll always have a connection with your 10-year old neighbor and she'll benefit from your presence in her life. As we have. Bets | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4452 Registered: 5-2001 |
Go to bed, Bets. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 1524 Registered: 6-2001 |
Midnight*. I promise. Cat's still out doing his thing. Hopefully not bringing me any "gifts." *In some time zone or other  | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 161 Registered: 10-2003 |
Dear Ten Plymouth Avenue, I am sure by now you have seen the boxes and the empty nails on the walls and have no doubt come to realize I am leaving. I’m so sorry. I promised you when we met I wasn’t going anywhere. I promised you I’d stay here and our family would grow with lots of foster children and boarder babies and you would always be the vital core, the place where we’d all come together. But it’s not going to happen that way and I don’t want to leave without making sure you know how much you mean to me. We knew when we met you that July morning in 1998 that you were the one for us. Our souls connected. We knew there had been love inside of you and we wanted to be a part of that. We saw through your fuscia walls and tiles and saw the beauty of your soul, the sunlight you embraced, the history you encompassed. We met the Kelshaw twins who were born inside you in 1942. They showed us which radiator they used to warm their gloves in the winter. We saw photos of Carol across the street doing cartwheels on your lawn in the 1950’s. I followed Dr. Liz along your side as she demonstrated how she used your wall for support as she learned to ride a bike back in the 1930’s. She showed me where the lamp was that she knocked down in the living room when Mrs. Franklin told her she couldn’t come back to play the next day. You were born in 1916 – you have so much history and with each anecdote I have felt privileged for the peek inside your world and the rich people I have gotten to know because of you. My piano is the third to find a home in that same corner of the living room as the Dilibertos and the Kelshaws. You witnessed my morph from classical pianist to carpenter with breakneck speed. You have been so high maintenance – but I wouldn’t trade working with you for all the preludes and fugues ever written. My sweet home, you were there for me. You always embraced me with warmth and security. You offered me the first place where I ever felt at peace, where I never felt I should be somewhere else. Your tremendous sun parlor was never overwhelming in size, but the perfect haven, laden with sunshine. I gazed at those awesome windows as I pondered my life, my fears, my choices. I used those great windows to procrastinate doing my homework for three and a half years, and you never made me stop looking. These past seven weeks when my body has ached with the pain of abandonment you have been there for me. You have embraced me and kept me warm and provided a safe place for me no matter the time of day or night. When everything around me was changing, you offered the same squeak in the floor, the same clink of the sump pump, the same number of steps from my bed to the bathroom. I thank you for that. Once I post this note it will be just a few hours before I leave for good. I can’t be here while you are for sale for it will simply break my heart to see people judging you for all of my aesthetic mishaps. I’m sorry we never got to fully restore you to your original splendor. And I’m so sorry I can’t stay and grow old with you. Respectfully, L. ps: I apologize for the dining room paint job incident in 2001 as well as the great crown moulding catastrophe of 2002. | ||
| Me2 Citizen Username: Me2 Post Number: 148 Registered: 6-2003 |
Las, I kept typing, erasing, re-typing... just can't post my thoughts/feelings here. PL'ed you. | ||
| sportsnut Citizen Username: Sportsnut Post Number: 1853 Registered: 10-2001 |
Who among us has not had a crown moulding catastrophe? | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 943 Registered: 12-2004 |
Las, I'm so afraid I sound like a broken record when I say how sorry I am you are living through this, but I can't think of anything else to say. I'm sorry you have to leave your ten-year-old friend behind, but you're not moving so far away that she couldn't come for a sleepover every now and then right? That idea of that sounds like great fun to me, for you and for her. And I'm sorry you have to leave the home you love so much. All the hopes and dreams you had for that house and your life! I know what that means and I can only imagine how painful it is for you to have to say goodbye to 10 Plymouth Avenue. I wish you all the best in your new place. I hope some of the pain will stay behind in your old place. I hope you can sleep and heal and live your life as it is now. Best wishes and don't forget about us here on MOL. I know I'll be wanting to know how you're doing.  | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 1531 Registered: 6-2001 |
Missed you tonight, my friend. But it was wonderful seeing Algebra, Greenetree, TS, mem, apm, Lydia, Clkelley, the neighbors, the kids, and Straw. (Alg, if you see this, tell Straw that 90s show has Hornsby on piano and Branford Marsalis on sax). When are we ever going to meet? Tomorrow's pack'em up day for me. Glad/sad/mad. But so comforted from the laughter and stories tonight brought. Thanks, Ladies! | ||
| DeborahG Citizen Username: Deborahg Post Number: 1403 Registered: 5-2001  |
Aaargh!! I missed the fun AGAIN!! I just can't seem to get coverage when I want to sneak out at the last sec. Please, please ladies, do another one soon so I can be there! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4468 Registered: 5-2001 |
TS wants to do the next one. She wants to feed people. Maybe we'll try to pick a June date. I'd throw June 17 out, but since that's her B-day weekend, I'll have to check. Make it a very, very tentative one, but put it on your calendars. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 962 Registered: 8-2003  |
Hey Las! I planted the stuff you gave me on saturday, and thought of you. I hope friday night -- your first night in your new home -- brought you (and your kitty) a peaceful and deep nights' sleep. let us know how the new digs are ! |
