| Author | Message | ||
     bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 1630 Registered: 6-2001  |
And thank you, Greene-Tree, for the empowerment Blog. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4579 Registered: 5-2001  |
Speaking of empowerment, I have nothing good to say today. Had a wonderful weekend - got lots of chores done, etc. All the plans got rearranged, so we were open. It's as if I knew deep down inside that I needed a couple of days to veg out to handle what would be coming. TS made this amazing pulled pork yesterday. We have a little Sunday tradition - she & our friend who lives a couple doors down cook & her hubby & I run back and forth with plates to taste. Well, the pulled pork was such a hit that they came over for lunch (TS & Friend looking all nice & clean, having washed up from cooking, me & Hubby looking scruffy because I was in the garden & he was cleaning gutters). The sandwiches (and this killer cole slaw) came out with the wine. We started eating lunch & ended up sitting there for a couple hours and reloading the plates for dinner. Between the lunch & dinner part, I called mom. She's miserable, she's in pain, she hasn't eaten in two days and didn't bother to tell me before Friday that 3 of the 4 friends who help her are away this week. #4 is an attorney who has trial this week. Great. I call her doctor & have the on-call doc call her. I call her friend& have her check up. I stress. I call my dad & stepmom. Stepmom is taking care of mom today. I change my plane ticket (was going to go visit next weekend) for tomorrow. Dad is cancelling his last patient to pick me up from he airport while his wife takes mom to her appointments tomorrow. I come in to work this morning to gather up all my work. "I'll work when I can this week" I say to my boss. "Do what you have to do" says she. I change my Air Tran ticket yet again. My cheap ticket, that made it worth the trek out to LaGuardia is now probably running me the equivalent of flying Continental to the West Coast. I'm stressed, I'm upset, I'm scared. And yet, I have a wonderful father & stepmom who are a textbook example of how divorced parents should get along & support their kids and a boss who is understanding. My current situation might show up at evaluation time next year (I can't expect much of a raise/bonus for being out of the office so much) but I don't have to worry about my job. My partner, well, can't I begin to describe someone who says "go - you know you need to" without hesitation. I ain't Trump, but I have the resources to get to my mom at the last minute. What on earth do people who don't have it "this good" do? | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1457 Registered: 9-2003  |
Worry a lot! My current and last boss were/are relatively accommodating, but I've not yet needed more than the HR law will allow. My peers are all men, all younger than me and with one exception, haven't dealt with hard core parental illness/death. They certainly haven't dealt with spousal. I only cite their maleness because in my world, the men have mostly traditional roles where their female relatives do what you and I are doing. One reason I keep some of my stuff to myself at work, except for repackaged versions told in a traditional guy-like "it's under control" way, is to keep from seeming like a liability. Plus, they get embarrassed sort of. The debt gets put on credit cards. My long-term financial planning, more than a month at a shot, is in the toilet. I operate on "the Lord will provide..." And hope to hell he has a bigger line of credit than do I. | ||
| Spare_o Supporter Username: Spare_o Post Number: 258 Registered: 9-2003 |
Greentree--I find myself in a slightly different situation but asking the same question. With a brother in the Army in Iraq (he is supposed to return after a year away this month!), his ex who is seriously mentally ill and causing all kinds of psychological damage to their 15-year old daughter who has now run away about every month since before Christmas, my father who is AWOL (figuratively speaking) most of the time and my mother (who now has my 15-year old niece) who is freaked my niece might run away again and having to bear the burden of trying to undo all that my former sister-in-law has done. I guess I am Switzerland too since everyone in the extended family (including my brother's former in-laws) will talk to me, if not to each other. I have tried to support people as best I can throughout all of the drama. I have talked to the police for untold hours in 2 states and gone to AZ to retrieve my niece after she was picked up as a runaway. I have sent my mom money to help support my niece (whose mom conveniently forgets to forward my brother's child support checks). I try to help my mom navigate the maze that is our health care system (just imagine what the military's version of health care is like...a gazillion forms that have to be approved and re-approved ad naseum. No, you don't call to make a doctor's appt, they will call you...WTF!). I try to motivate her to approach a situation a bit differently than she has been using. It's exhausting. Since I don't have any parenting experience and am unable to handle a troubled 15-year old myself, providing financial assistance is bascially all I can do. Neither my family nor my former SIL's family has much money so it often falls to me to take time off of work and kick in the bucks for emergency airfare, attorney fees, etc. I don't know what would happen to my niece if my financial situation were different (and believe me, I'm not wealthy!). (sorry...guess I had to get that off my chest!) | ||
| I am Switzerland! Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 1686 Registered: 6-2001 |
God, is everyone going through something totally hellish? Or does it just seem that way? My sympathies, Spare_o You sound like a real stand-up guy (or gal). Hang in there and be strong for the niece, she needs you. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 183 Registered: 10-2003 |
The way to forget about your own sorrows is to get pissed at someone else. Get miffed at me: I have some pretty decent news. (Feel free to have this post deleted if I'm way out of line here.) I brought 2 cats to the vet yesterday, one because she has been having trouble climbing the stairs. Since we just moved two weeks ago, the cats keep following me around, and it would break my heart to see her struggle to stay close everytime I went upstairs to pee, or downstairs for a drink, so I started carrying her. I have been despondent - crying that she should be okay, that she is my soul mate, please don't let her be in pain. Yesterday Dr. Levine felt her and squeezed her all over. The diagosis: She must lose one pound. One pound! One pound and that should be enough have her running again. And it will take about a year. Excess weight...I don't know where she gets it from. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4591 Registered: 5-2001 |
Las- Our two are pretty p.o'd that they are now both on diets. They have a pound or so to lose each. But, Gracie is sleeping on the treadmill. It's good someone is using it. Ya think it'll help her lose weight?  I am so exhausted that I could cry. I got up at 5:15 this morning, am now in Ohio taking care of mom & am just logging in to get some work done. Some time in the next couple days, I will have to tell the tale of the two-hour delay I had rushing over to GMF's apartment because we all thought she was dead. She isn't. But I could kill her.... | ||
| I am Switzerland! Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 1690 Registered: 6-2001 |
Greenie, did you see my FNMMIL post that I asked Dave to delete? It was only up for a few hours. SO Refugee's comment after reading it was "Goodnight Switzerland." Quit rushing. If GMF is dead, she'll keep for the few hours it takes to calm your Mom and reassure yourself that the situation is whatever it is. GMF is last, waaayy after you. Sorry if that's cold, but GDI, I am Switzerland!!! (And thank you for that one. It is most helpful) | ||
| CLK Supporter Username: Clkelley Post Number: 1101 Registered: 6-2002  |
My other cat (the fat one) is called Gracie, too. She is going on a diet starting on Friday .... you know what that means, right .... about the same reason as your two cats suddenly being on diets.  But even though I'm bummed about Moon Pie (and trying to keep her very happy in her last few days), I still have to wonder whether it would make sense for D & J to start an "Incredible Shrinking Cats" area, as there seems to be some degree of interest in this.  | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4592 Registered: 5-2001 |
CL- Hopefully the feline thread will be more successful than the human thread. Someone should lose some weight... Oh - as I was leaving GMF's apartment to come back to mom's, she said to me "how's your weight"? Yeah- you scared the •••• out of your neighbors, it's obvious that your daughter isn't well or I wouldn't be here and you threw the Fire Department out of your apartment and got mad because you were "embarrassed" at the commotion. My weight is fine, thank you. Poor Moon - it's so hard and she will be so much better off and have her dignity. TS made Sunny grilled chicken thighs & she had lots of lox in her final days. Hang in there. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4595 Registered: 5-2001 |
Saint Greenetree is not a good daughter today. OK - I know that I cannot begin to fathom the pain, fear, etc. I can't imagine what it feels like for eating to be so painful that you cry even after taking morphine. After lots of arguing and me threatening to call an ambulance, we went to the doctor yesterday & got our meds adjusted. We also got orders to consume at least 1000 calories a day or be admitted. Today the radiologist said finish your last 6 sessions, even if we have to hospitalize you. I just can't imagine..... But still... One can only take so much lashing out, yes? And the refusal to eat the one thing we can get down, NOT because it hurts but because we are cranky & in a mood...... I was never a patient person & today my limits are tested. I am about to fail the exam. Deep breath. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10 Omm, Ommm. Nope. Didn't work. I'm going to go get myself an ice cream cone. | ||
| mjc Citizen Username: Mjc Post Number: 660 Registered: 10-2004 |
oy, greenie!! take a deep breath, lower the shoulders, eat ice cream, or whatever it takes (well, almost whatever). no one is a saint at this stuff, you just do the best next thing you can think of at the time. sending telepathic ommmms - MC | ||
| redY67 Citizen Username: Redy67 Post Number: 2181 Registered: 2-2003  |
greentree you should pat yourself on the back. You have the patience of a saint, and absolutely anyone can be pushed to the limit in this situation. I truly admire you! | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1471 Registered: 9-2003 |
Get sprinkles if necessary. Sometimes this crap is exceedingly hard. A mint julep can be good, too, while reading the Star, or comic books (all by yourself in an a/c bedroom). The good karma will catch you on the flip side... | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2207 Registered: 9-2003 |
Saint Greenetree is always a good daughter. I give you permission to feel whatever you need to feel today so you don't explode tomorrow. RE: ice cream - get a double.. with a topping. Sending good vibes your way. | ||
| CLK Supporter Username: Clkelley Post Number: 1106 Registered: 6-2002 |
Hang in there friend ... hope the ice cream was at least a little helpful. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 1756 Registered: 6-2001 |
Have Mom (and you too!) try the especially tasty brownies. With milk. Chocolate milk. I hope the new meds work out. I met TS at La B's and we had a really nice time. You were (are) loved. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4599 Registered: 5-2001 |
Mom has been installed in her friend's lake house. She cannot be left alone. I reamed both of her docs last week and told them to stop punting & take responsibility. At this point, she is exercising the only control she has by refusing to eat, even when she can. She knows that if she does not consume at least 1000 calories a day, she will be hospitalized. We are pretty much treating her like our 3 y/o niece. Nicely, with patience, but firmly. "Drink it". 1 pint of vanilla Hagn Daz is 1000 calories. I found a health food version of Gatorade in a peach mango flavor that I made into popsicles. The woman is in severe pain but won't take her morphine. Not because she is afraid she'll get addicated. She doesn't want to get more constipated. When I first arrived there last Tuesday, I noticed that one of the cats had overgroomed herself so much that she has no hair on the backs of any of her legs. I took her to the vet just to make sure. Now, she needs an antidepressant, but she's one of those cats who needs a specialist to give her a pill. So, instead I got her a cat phermone aromatherapy thing. It plugs into the electric socket like Glade. $45. It gave mom a good laugh. I got in late Saturday night & wanted to cry when woke up this morning & had to come to work. I forfeited my summer Friday off this week by being out last week. I have a headache, I am exhausted. And we have to go see the lawyer tonight to finalize the lawsuit papers. On top of everything else, my jackass former contractor puts in writing that he wants to settle out of court, names a figure, we counter, he dissappears for 3 months and then when my lawyer gets ahold of him, changes his mind. So, instead of the (IMO) reasonable negotiating process with a rationale $$$, we have to waste our time in court, where we will make it worth our time by asking for every penny of everything he screwed up. Like I need this? And, worst of all, I barely sat down the entire time I was in Ohio and still managed to gain weight because everything in mom's house is purchased for maximum calories. It's not my fault that vanilla ice cream must be eaten with chocolate sauce and almonds. Bets - oh, to have some of those brownies! Mom isn't doing solids right now. Besides, I'd eat an entire pan & lord knows what would happen then.... I heard you guys had a good time. TS thinks that the Bunny's MOL crowd is sick and addicted. We have to come by together some night so that I can prove to her that I can resist.... | ||
| mjc Citizen Username: Mjc Post Number: 676 Registered: 10-2004 |
"Friend" and "lake house" are good. Surely the docs (or more likely nurses or PAs) can manage the constipation so that your mom can get the pain relief she needs without fearing the consequences. This can't be rocket science. And "all" it takes is a few more hours of your nonexistent time + more stress to get them moving (sorry). so hard for you to come back to work, indeed all best - MC (Keep us informed about the cat! For everyone's sake, I hope the aromatherapy pheromones aren't like the pheromones our cat trades with the neighbors' cats around the back door.) | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1487 Registered: 9-2003 |
The moussey Dannon yogurt is fattening and comes in some decent flavors (and has some nutrition). Also, my husband know has flavored high protein Boost which he will drink. Mashed potatoes with sour cream? With cheddar melted in? Poor you. this stuff sux. Glad she's at a friends tho. Dynamics are diff with a friend than with family and sometimes they'll do what they must when it isn't loaded with family roles stuff in it. They've got to fix the damned constipation so she'll do her drugs, though, and then eat. I think they make suppository versions if throat's too messed. Running for now... |
