| Author | Message | ||
     Just The Aunt Supporter Username: Auntof13 Post Number: 1317 Registered: 1-2004  |
las- I'm sorry you were sad when you drove by your old house. I was on Plymouth this morning and happened to see the roses. They are pretty. Is there any way you might be able to replant some of the roses? I'm sure someone would loan you their yard. We have space in the back by our fence if you want to use it. I agree with what the others have said about buying yourself flowers. Pathmark, Shop-Rite and even Costco have beautiful bunches of flowers for under $3. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 189 Registered: 10-2003 |
I just LOVE that I live in a place where people, despite all the issues and strains they have in their own lives, empathize with my pain over losing my garden. Thank you thank you. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2213 Registered: 9-2003 |
A wise fable on the value of friends.... A woman is out for a walk when she falls into a deep hole from which there appears to be no way out. She cries out for help and a passing academic leans over and offers her advice on how to avoid such holes in the future. Later a religious leader hears her cries and suggests she thinks about the true meaning of her predicament and says that there is a Being somewhere who cares about her. Subsequently a therapist responds with an offer to help her explore how she allowed herself to get into this situation. Various other professionals offer advice as the woman sinks into deeper despair. Lastly a friend comes by, realizes what has happened and jumps into the hole with her. The woman is pleased to have the company but also wonders why her friend has put herself in the same situation. The friend replies "I have been in this hole before, I know the way out". | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4596 Registered: 5-2001  |
Las- I am so sorry that I am just getting around to posting this, but I want you to know that the peonies bloomed! I was skeptical that they would make it this year, but when I left on Monday night, two of the four had big beautiful blooms. Thank you so much! And I hope you know that they are yours to visit whenever you want. This is my first experience with peonies, so I don't know how long they will last. Thank you again. We have the same feelings about our gardens and you gave me something wonderous and new to marvel over just when I needed it. | ||
| shh Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 2622 Registered: 5-2001 |
Las, did a little research today about buying flowers from Millburn Produce (which, FYI, has a very small produce selection and a few convenience items.) The sign for the dozen or 2 dozen roses is kind of altered so I'm not quite sure of the price. I bought 2 small bouquets of purple (my 3 yo insisted) daisies for $10. Today the cut flower selection was not huge, and not as reasonable as I had hoped. I had wanted to put a big bunch of daisies in a metal bucket, but 2 bunches didn't make it. I probably would have needed 4. SoOrLAdy, your story reminds me of the story your son told me about coming home to find his mother-in-law stuck in a ditch in their garden for hours, unable to get out! | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 1753 Registered: 6-2001  |
Peonies are my father's favorite flowers, and are splendiferous! Millburn Produce withered and nearly died from the replacement of the Vauxhall/Milburn Ave. bridge. I asked them years ago when they got their flowers delivered, and I think the answer was Tuesdays and Fridays. Vague memory, but just ask and they'll tell you. I plan to return as soon as I'm ready to start flowering myself again. And I'm calling you (Las!) after work tomorrow about coming out! If I can do it, you can do it better. You will be happy again! | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 4985 Registered: 5-2001  |
If you guys come to C'entanni's tonight I'll buy you a drink... | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 190 Registered: 10-2003 |
Sounds great, Mem. What time? | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 4988 Registered: 5-2001 |
Is 8:00/8:30 good? | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 192 Registered: 10-2003 |
I should be finished with my pre-drinks drinks by then. Miss Bets? | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 1765 Registered: 6-2001 |
I will try. It seems my sister's best friend is recovered from her cold and will be visiting her after work. Since she's my best friend, too, I'm sorta missing her. We tend to wrap things up either really early or really late, but if I can do it, I'll be there. Is the dress formal (I hope not!)? | ||
| Pizzaz Citizen Username: Pizzaz Post Number: 1923 Registered: 11-2001  |
Las: It was a pleasure meeting you the other night. Keep the faith, you are in transition. Allow yourself the time to understand the changes that will follow. You need to continue to pursue the endeavors that bring you happiness. I know you have the strength, allow your emotions the comfort of your determination to forge ahead. I know you can do it. Your garden blooming at your old residence should remain. You gave special care to ensure their growth. Let them blossom where you intended them to. It is your gift for their health and well being. Tom: LOL, your perspective, as personal as it is, brings a smile to my face. Tell us more about bike riding through Europe....  | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 197 Registered: 10-2003 |
Last night was rough and I missed him so much and I cried from sunset to sunrise. You see I get these headaches that hurt me like hell and the pain is so great that it traps me and holds me and pins me in place so I can't get the help or the treatment I need and in my new flat the temperature rises it gets so damned hot in that place so on my bed I just laid there naked and cried and my head throbbed like nothing else could in this world. You see in my old life when my head would hurt so he would notice and bring me some ice and he'd place those ice packs strategically so that they'd freeze shut the veins that were pushing the blood at g-force through my brain and the pillows he'd fluff and stuff them against my body for ample support then he'd get my injector and help me set up so relief would be not far away and he'd help pull my pants down so I could shoot-up my thigh, then he'd hold me against him and stroke my head until I dozed off for a while. But last night was different I was all by myself and my head just got worse and worse, and the crying it tensed me and made my brain throb ever harder with each passing gasp and I couldn't get myself up out of bed to get my injector downstairs until 3 in the morning when it was practically day which meant I'd spent the night in pain. And because I couldn't treat myself sooner the treatment I got was too late, I took a second injection an hour thereafter and finally got some relief but not much, and here I am an entire day later a headache so big I could scream. But worse than the brainthrob that pulsated so and hungover mood I feel now, was the pain of the loss of my husband I felt and I cried about all through the night. You see, he left me alone without so much as good-bye or a plan for my future alone, he just ran away like a squirrel at the dusk and put himself into hiding and he never thought once what if she hurts, what if the head of the woman I loved for fourteen years starts to throb one day and she needs an ice pack to be placed just so and an injection stuck in her thigh, what if she gets sick and she needs me some time, what if she gets lonely and misses her life that she and I built together? He never thought once about my needs through this and has never once called to check on me nor has he sent me a letter or note to express what he just couldn't say with his voice, and he's never inquired of the cat that he got the year before we met, and of course he never said sorry for being so rash and putting his wife of ten years through this mess. So now he is gone but my migraines continue they will for the rest of my life for they come and they go but they'll always be mine unlike him who left me for good. | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 7553 Registered: 1-2003  |
I can't explain his actions, because I don't understand them. Perhaps he's in a lot of pain, too. That's not an excuse, but it could explain at least part of his behavior. As for heat, if I can make a suggestion, try an ice bath. It works a heck of a lot better than a cool shower. The reason is that it cools your core. A cold shower only cools your skin. It takes a long time to ease yourself into a cold bath, but if you move in slowly and completely, you can sit for a long time, and the effect is big. My daughter took one this weekend, and she was cool for hours afterward, even in the intense heat. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 993 Registered: 8-2003  |
Las - I hope tonight is a better night.... | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 202 Registered: 10-2003 |
I twist and I turn and I kick and I roll and the pillows I hug and I hump and I squeeze and the nights they go on for a year and four days and the mornings they find me so tired but the routine must go on so I scoop the box and pick up the dust balls and make my breakfast and lunch then I head to work five days of the week and I then once more on Saturdays for free; it’s sort of like my old, ancient life, but it’s just not the same thing at all. This week saw some firsts that some others thought big and important enough to remind me to do. I shaved my legs (just half way up) for the first time since he left and I cut off my hair then moussed the rest and scrunched in some curls because you’re supposed to look nicer for work so they say. I’m knitting again and I bought my first yarn from the store down on William Street, and the lady who’d inspired me to knit all those socks for my husband to keep his feet warm gave me a hug when I told her he’s gone. And thanks to the husband of tsd33 my a/c’s are in and the place is cooling, but now I am scared for the bill that will follow so I’m not quite enjoying the relief from the heat for the money is all that I see. I’m finding that now I am missing my mom for the first time in two hundred years. When I met him just three years after she died I stopped missing her for I had life to enjoy with a guy in whom I saw a future. But that future is gone so I’m back in the past and I’m wishing I had my mom to hug me and hold me and come stay with me or make me come stay with her and make things better by just being there because that’s what a mom would do I suppose. And I catch myself looking at each man I see and wondering if I could love him. I sit on the train and I look at a man and see if he has a ring and see if his grays and his wrinkles and moles could be loved by me at some point. I pass men on the street and see men at work and I talk to the ones that I know and I wonder if his traits are a thing I could grow to love or to like and to share but the truth is I see nothing ahead in my life, I can’t imagine ever being that close to a man and sharing my soul and my insides with him and I just see myself being alone. People they tell me I’ll marry again, they just know it, they try to assure me, as if those are the words that will help speed my day and wipe out the lostness I feel. And the people who’ve been there say I’ll get there as well, and I’m jealous they made it through, for each person whose heart has been broken it seems is leaving me here in the abyss by myself while their lives they go on and ahead. I know that it’s foolish of me to be green for it’s just eleven weeks since he left, but the comfort I find with other dumpees makes me think for a moment I’m not alone in this world. And when they find love I don’t feel their joy and I don’t see it happening for me for I’m just a lonely lady who lives with three cats who will forever be mournful of the life that was. | ||
| algebra2 Supporter Username: Algebra2 Post Number: 3575 Registered: 5-2001  |
Las -- you know what I will say: you are the coolest, craziest cat lady in all of Millburn. Some man will see that and say "hey, that's just what I am looking for". Celebrate your crazy traits! Concoct a few new ones. Start walking around your neighborhood. Do you have a bike? You can get a basket and bike with a cat (or two) in it! See you soon. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 1842 Registered: 6-2001 |
las, I'm so with you on most of what you're feeling. Luckily, my brother put in my ACs before the heat wave attacked us. Weekends feel like pauses between the necessity of work instead of the long-awaited vacations from drudgery and head-thumping despair (HP/COMPAQ SUCK!!!!!!!!). I, too, am missing my mother so much right now. I comfort myself by channeling her, by standing up for those that don't/won't stand up for themselves, by trying to right wrongs and being an example for others. She was my best friend. I know she's rooting for me to overcome this and grow from it in some way. I will honor her by doing exactly that. Our situations are quite different, but I feel such affinity. Will you come visit me? I now feel comfortable enough here to invite you. I have no food but plenty of water, soft drinks, wine, beer, whatever you'd like. I am going to call you. When I let 8-ball out this morning I noticed that my back porch light is on. Since I'm in a t-shirt and undies, I'm not going to turn it off (the switch is inconveniently located next to the stairs instead of next to the door). But it leaves me wondering - who turned it on? I never use it. Please, won't you visit? Edited to add: Just put shorts on to shut off the porch light and found the note from my niece on the door. Bets, D and I came by to see the place and how it looked - you weren't here so I used my key. I hope that's cool. Looks great! Love you - J. J - that is eminently cool. Love you too! | ||
| LazyDog Citizen Username: Lazydog Post Number: 39 Registered: 6-2005  |
Las, it was great mtg you this afternoon. As you can see from all the posts, there are a lot of people pulling for you. good luck | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 1118 Registered: 12-2004  |
las, the pain of your loss (of your future, the man you loved, your mother) will come back again and again, at times when you least expect or want it. Over time it will happen less and hurt less. You are a good person and you deserve a good life, and I believe you will find it. And again, I'm sorry for you. And bets, you'll get through it too. These men did not deserve women like you. las, I hope you got my reply e-mail about your proposal. Perhaps you're just not up for it now. If you didn't, I'm sorry, I sent it ages ago and have been waiting to hear from you. Hang in there and try to believe there will be brighter days ahead. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1011 Registered: 8-2003 |
hi Las- just checking in... how's i going? haven't had the pleasure of running into you on the train, so haven't asked you in person.....hope you are doing well! | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 210 Registered: 10-2003 |
Thanks (as always) Meand. And thanks for asking, Pippi. I've had had a couple of meltdowns in the past week. He won't talk to me at all, says (via email) we have to go through the lawyers. It still amazes me how he abandoned me and now he won't have anything to do with me. All that love I had for him all those years is steadily turning into a venemous hatred, so much so that I do believe I might soon hate him more than he hates himself. I go through the motions, and the weeks fall by the wayside. Thirteen of them so far. I wish I could stop counting. | ||
| sportsnut Citizen Username: Sportsnut Post Number: 1944 Registered: 10-2001  |
las - I don't know what the protocol is for this kind of stuff but I know that HE has been to the house recently. I've seen his car in the driveway a couple of times - it was there this morning. I think its natural that your going through this stage right now. Soon the hatred will cease and you'll just have thoughts that contain neither love or hate, just thoughts. I'm sure that his lawyer is telling him not to speak to you. By detaching himself like that it makes it easier for him to deal with (probably). Continue going through the motions. The motions, I assume, constitute your life and you need to keep moving forward. Two steps forward and one back is still progress albeit slow. Have you thought about taking a little mental health vacation? Possibly going to a spa or something for a couple of days. I remember right after that big breakup after college my roommate invited me to go with him to Newport RI. At first I said no but he convinced me to go. It was about eight weeks after my relationship ended and his brother was throwing a big Memorial Day party in Jamestown. So I went. I remember waking up one morning on the floor of his brother's house amidst all these strangers thinking, "what am I doing here?" I went for a walk and headed for the water. It was early morning - around 6:30 or so and I couldn't see a thing since I hadn't put my contacts in (and I am really blind). I walked along the bulkhead and found a bench and just stared out at the ocean wondering what I was going to do (since I was convinced that at 23 my life was pretty much ruined). I sat there with tears in my eyes just staring out at the ocean watching the sun rise higher and higher into the sky. I watched other people - couples and families - walking along the beach just beginning their days. I realized at that time that I had to change my life around or I'd get caught up in a vicious cycle of depression and loathing. So I decided to find a new job and move to NYC. Within six months I had found a new job, re-connected with Jen and moved to the city where I eventually met my wife. I always remember that trip to RI as being a very important step to healing. The hurt didn't go away immediately and in fact continued for quite some time but that trip gave me a goal to try and obtain and ultimately got me focused back on the present and what needed to be done. Keep your chin up. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 211 Registered: 10-2003 |
Nice sleuth work, Sportsnut. Always appreciate it. I'm not going to take a trip this summer. I've always had a bit of travel anxiety, but now I seem to have developed this obsession about leaving my cats (I know it's not really about the cats). And then there's the issue of money. So I'll stay home and continue to tag along with people who haven't gotten sick of me yet, then offer to babysit their kids for free when they do get sick of me. I still can't believe this is my life. I keep waiting for someone to wake me up, but it's not happening. I've started going to synagogue on Friday nights to say Kaddish (the Hebrew prayer you say for loved ones who die) with the hopes it will help things to sink in a bit more. I mean, the man I married and loved really is dead. I don't know this person who hates me so much. One day he will realize the full impact of what he has done. Then I can't imagine the depths of pain and guilt he will endure. But, for stealing my love, my marriage, my home, my graduate studies, my life - I do hope it's deep. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1013 Registered: 8-2003 |
las - he doesn't hate you, I am sure. He just needs to act like he does and treat you like he does so he can sleep at night, so he can ease his own conscience. The one he has to live with the rest of his life. He WILL realize the full impact of what he has done one day. And when he realizes how horribly he has treated you, how he has truly acted without character, he will regret it. And he will want to be your friend one day. And you will tell him it's too late. Because you will be through mourning. hang in there. | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 7958 Registered: 1-2003 |
He doesn't want his good feelings for you to be re-ignited. That's why he avoids you. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just offering an explanation. Kaddish is a great idea! Maybe doing it frequently will help. | ||
| Spare_o Supporter Username: Spare_o Post Number: 262 Registered: 9-2003 |
Las--I went through something similar in 1993. My boyfriend of 11 years left very abruptly (in the middle of a movie no less) w/o any warning. He didn't say or do anything spiteful or hurtful, just left. It was a week before I heard from him again. I was very low for quite a while but I managed somehow to get dressed every day and go to work. I came home and moped and cried. During this time I also had a scary health situation that left a few scars and changed my outlook forever. Finally though I picked myself up and did a little something every day. Eventually I started dating. Then I moved from CA to NJ. When I sold my share of the house to the ex-boyfriend I saw him and he expressed regret about his hasty decision. Not that this is any encouragement or will be the case for you but it took me about a year to get myself together and chart a new course for my life. Something that I was excited about again. It was then that the ex-boyfriend started sending me letters and gifts and that he wanted me back. It was VERY satisfying to tell him that I had moved on. And I did. And you will, too. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 1926 Registered: 6-2001 |
Spare-O: Perfect. I'm giving myself 6-12 months before even CONSIDERING anything remotely resembling anything. No thankey! Pippi, very well said and, as always, a pleasure. (I went to Kim's for my very first EVER pedicure/manicure tonight [sort of on you and shh's + my sister's rec] and am a total convert. WoW!!! Already screwed up three nails, though.) Las, I feel again like we're out of touch - what's up? Will I see you Sunday? Please say Yes. Kno more Knitting!!! me (bets) | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 240 Registered: 10-2003 |
I saw him today for the first time in a hundred and fifty years and our lawyers were present and they did the talking while I did my knitting and he sat and stared at his lap. He never once looked at me, never once said a word not even to say ‘hey, how are you?’ But seeing him there the way that he looked made me know one thing is for sure: I was right when I told him two centuries ago that his issues are his and they will haunt him and follow wherever he goes, and he might have left while believing I was the cause of his misery, but I’m not. It really is him. | ||
| Nonymous Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 8445 Registered: 1-2003 |
I'm glad you are clear on that! | ||
| Lucy Supporter Username: Lucy Post Number: 115 Registered: 5-2005 |
Right on the money las. Healing and feeling stronger everyday one of life's beautiful moments when you know your right without one word! | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1046 Registered: 8-2003 |
That must have been very difficult, to face him. But it must also be a relief to feel so sure, finally, that you didn't cause this. Good for you! | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 249 Registered: 10-2003 |
I signed my divorce complaint yesterday. No big deal. Emailed it back to my attorney and got back to work. Tonight I signed the final sale papers for my house and haven't stopped wailing for three hours. GOD-DAMN! What an a**hole he is. A few weeks ago I was checking out the MOL classifieds and saw an ad for a house sale - posted by my (former) next door neighbor - at MY house! I never approved it, yet neighbors on both sides were prostituting themselves to make a buck with the a**hole. It was Friday afternoon, I missed my attorney, so I called one neighbor to tell her I never approved this sale and she should not hold it - she ignored me. Really - said she had to talk to a**hole and hung up. The police said they'd meet me there to close down the sale, and dear TSD33 (of MOL) somehow managed to calm me down enough to agree to let my attorney handle it. (Wise advice - what was I going to do? Yell?) I felt so violated. Not so much by him, because he's really proven himself to be a pillaging violator the past 17 weeks, but each of those neighbors gave me gifts for the move into my new apartment; they each offered me tons of hugs and kind words when he left. Yet when it comes down to it: a buck is all that matters. (I'd better not go into the legal ramifications of his actions online except to say we ALL know it was wrong.) Oh- the neighbor 'hosting' the illegal sale in my home has been discussed here on MOL - she's the nut job who sets up the circus tent on her driveway and sells other peoples' discards. She proselytizes Jesus all the time and I just want to say to her face that her behavior wasn't very Jesus-like. My ire is on the rise - I'm going to fill in a few entries of the Men I Am Not Going to Marry List (today's reject is the cashier at NJ Pets because his cuticles were gnawed) (and he was probably only 16). | ||
| shh Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 2823 Registered: 5-2001 |
Las, I am proposing we each do a virtual primal scream at 11:15 pm. I feel for you. I am so frustrated with stupidity, all I want to do is scream. (well, in my dreams there is slapping involved, but let's not go there.) Without going in to detail, I have found your second to last paragraph true on so many occasions. I feel bad for feeling that way, but what can you do? And it's the atheists who get a bad rap? Puh-lease! | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 1248 Registered: 12-2004 |
Oh crap, las, and you were feeling so "up." But I guess it's normal to be upset about your house. He's the a-hole, not your house. Anyway, seems like a run of the mill case of two steps forward, one step back. Hang in there, you're making progress and you know that. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1058 Registered: 8-2003 |
Inhale....exhale....inhale...exhale. I know you think this is a few steps back from how you've been feeling lately - so positive and optimistic. It's not. It just seems like it is. I am sorry. I hope today is a better day. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 251 Registered: 10-2003 |
I'm actually doing okay today. It hurt, I cried, I vented, then I spent the rest of the night trying to convince my cat Ernie he shouldn't rip the screen to get to the cicada was teasing him. It's really amazing - my mood improved after the meeting last week (can't post why just yet), and I feel so hopeful now. Instead of yet another piece of angst on top of my misery, it's just a mood and a moment that passed. I still have the urge to call the former neighbor a Jesus Whore to her face, but hey - what's life without a tiny craving of vengence once in a while? | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1060 Registered: 8-2003 |
"but hey - what's life without a tiny craving of vengence once in a while?" no fun at all - that's what I say! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4814 Registered: 5-2001 |
Las- you know you're healing when a former "friend" aggravates you more than your ex a-hole. Not that he's an ex a-hole; he's just not your hemorroid anymore. People blow my mind. What ever happened to "do unto others" and having a personal code of ehtics/morals? I'm not surprised at the cloak of faith thing - wars are fought and thousands die in the name of "god". A tiny handful of self-righteous people operate with impunity while most people who have faith actually believe in doing the right thing. Then, there are the atheists, like me, who figure that being human and living on earth obligate us to do the right thing. Hang in there, girly. You are doing fine. Although, I am curious to know how you actually convinced a cat to do anything. | ||
| Nonymous Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 8576 Registered: 1-2003 |
So they were selling the contents of your house? Was it your stuff? Jeez. A cicada got into the house, so I brought the cat over to it. She really enjoyed it. Lots of big crunches, and down it went. |
