| Author | Message | ||
     algebra2 Supporter Username: Algebra2 Post Number: 3711 Registered: 5-2001  |
Debby - if you're around feel free to come Friday night. You can be the suprise guest! PL me if you need directions! I'm sure a few hours away is probably a remedy you could use right about now (plus Straw will be at the Met game  . Seriously, you are very welcome.  | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 1896 Registered: 5-2001 |
Thanks, Alg. I thought of you when I got to my parents and they lent me their "Club" to put on my van, since I was parked on the street. Cyn - so far no dark news from the brain scan - so that's good I guess. Yes, they were planning follow up chemo/radiation anyway, before the lymph node turned up positive. Are you saying its ok to visit with a cold as long as I wear a mask, or that any visitor will wear a mask? I don't wanna give the poor guy pneumonia. | ||
| algebra2 Supporter Username: Algebra2 Post Number: 3712 Registered: 5-2001 |
I loved when your dad would put the "club" on his car parked in front of your house -- high crime area that it is! Take care. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4810 Registered: 5-2001  |
Long-••• week. I've lost track of time. I called in late for a meeting this morning. I was really late, since the meeting was yesterday. I'm too tired to tell the whole saga. Suffice to say that it is probably not a new cancer, we are back in the hospital, we are thru with the two days of vomiting blood and right now, we look good. GMF tried to get me to come take her to dinner by telling me that I'm her best grandchild & she is going to write a letter to my brothers explaining why she's changing her mind about leaving things to them that she's promised & give it all to me. So, in order to make sure that the behavior is NOT rewarded, I have not been to see her yet. And I've been here since Tuesday. Mom's 65th B-day is Monday. I am planning to have her friends come over for a half an hour to share some ice cream cake. I hope we can do it at home. Her liver is about to explode (ironic, considering the "please help" thread going on right now). We still don't know why, but it is probably from the TPN. I've been at the hospital every day for 9-12 hours so that I don't miss any doctors. I've missed the GI doc every day, tho. He manages to come by every time I'm peeing. I guess I'll have to stop drinking coffee. Then, I come home to 5-6 hours worth of work because I can't really afford 4 FMLA days. I am so sorry that I'll miss the gathering tomorrow. I really need a drink, so please have one for me. I am having you all over. I swear. Was I too hard on the guy on the "Please Help" thread? | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 2095 Registered: 6-2001  |
Greenie, You are doing great. Your Mom is a Leo, which means she will defy and scare off any threats. Very good sign. Mem, Soda, my brother Johnny - they all agree. We will toast you tomorrow and Saturday and every day, together and individually. "To Greenetree, TS, Mom, various brothers, even GMF (okay, even GMFF!, but only if she gets it!): "may the road rise to meet you, may the wind be always at your back." | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1604 Registered: 9-2003  |
Curt's a Leo, too. August 3rd he will be 55! So, greenetree, maybe he and your ma have more in common than the obvious (though he's not terribly chatty...) | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2402 Registered: 9-2003 |
Wow.. my BIL is also a Leo - he'll be 64 on August 15th. Diagnosis is in - pancreatic cancer, chemo will begin soon in an attempt to shrink the tumor on the vena cava before they operate. He's got a fight ahead of him. Greenie - no, you were not too tough on Jay, in fact I thought you were very gracious. Hang in there! | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 5926 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greenetree: Wish your Mom a happy birthday for me. Would she be happy or really upset if we start a happy birthday thread for her here on MOL? Say the word and I will make the first post (unless someone beats me to it). | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1605 Registered: 9-2003 |
Sorry I missed the party, ladies. Had quite the evening. On the way home, on the train, I got a call from my husband that my kid got one of her front teeth knocked out on a water slide in Delaware. Much hub-bub and angst as I quickly found ways to get there by Amtrak. They stuck it back in in the hospital. Say she has a 50/50 chance of it re-rooting. It was out for about 2 hours. YIKES! So I come to you from my sister's den in Middletown, Delaware.... | ||
| shh Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 2813 Registered: 5-2001 |
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| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 1897 Registered: 5-2001 |
Hope your girl's ok, cyn. Greene - really sorry about your Mom's latest troubles. Hope they find out how to deal with it quickly. (BTW, I'm a Leo, too - day after Mem). SOL - sounds like BIL has quite a fight ahead of him. Hope they are able to operate soon. Alg - how was the get-together? Did anyone get together? Caution - kinda graphic So it turns out Dad does have an infection. Ran 102.9 yesterday. Back on double antibiotics. Mom had a very diificult day worrying about him, and dealing with his fever and diarrhea. The surgeon came by yesterday to check on him and asked how she was doing...so she told him...she said she realizes how short staffed the nurses are, and how hard they work, but it was very distressing to see him lying helpless in his own feces until someone freed up to come clean him and change the bedding. His response? "We can do a lot of good things here, but we can't be a concierge service". She was ruminating about that one all day, about what she should have said. I'm still upstate with a bad chest cold, so keeping my distance for a couple of days. It's tough, because we fly back to FL on 7/31 and I know this saga won't be anywhere near over. I hope he's out of the hospital and in rehab by then. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2407 Registered: 9-2003 |
Debby - your mom has a great deal of patience - I would have slugged the Dr. - concierge service indeed! Perhaps she should ask how he would respond if it was HIS father lying there. Not saying that nurses aren't overworked and understaffed - but his response shows a total lack of humanity. As for you - take extra vitamin C and some Echinechnia (sp?) and, if you can stand it - keep the house moist with boiling water. I know it's hard for you to stay away.. and although you know that you shouldn't add more germs to his already delicate immune system, it's still not easy. Hope you feel better soon. Cyn - how frustrating- just what you don't need right about now. At least she'll have something interesting to add to her "what I did this summer" report - do they still do those? How did Cyni-hubby do while you were gone? Greenetree - hope your mom has a good day tomorrow... hope you have a good one too. We're still waiting for a plan of action for my BIL - went to see him today - had his mom with us, so he just pulled me aside to share that the cancer is also in his tyroid. He's not sure what that means as far as treatment. He did have some good news though.. seems that his liver got a clean bill of health. So we thank God for small favors (or in this case, a rather large one) | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1606 Registered: 9-2003 |
Debby, that doctor response stunk. Made me wonder, too, what the opportunity (so long as he's there) might be to pay for additional nursing support. I think that you often can, but insurance won't cover it. Kind of like having a private duty nurse. Difficult tho good that your mom can be there so much -- they pay more attention when someone is. My kid is very upset at the possibility of losing her tooth, etc., especially as timing-wise it all may make it so that she can't go to sleep-away camp as planned. A friend in Delaware gave me some money to fund it, and it's been this thing she's looking forward to. I'm feeling a little Job-like at the moment. I wish I could just move into my sister's life and lose my responsibilities. It was hard to go down there and see all this familiar stuff I missed, the slower pace, familiar roads. My sister's family, my brother in law. Such a stark contrast to what I'm dealing with. Trying not to be resentful and alone-feeling as I wander the world. I just want a normal life. I'd like it if my kid's tooth was the biggest thing I had to worry about. I'd like it if I could give her the care/concern she deserves for it, as my real baby. But, there's only so much of me to go around. I can do, so far, the mechanics of all this triage but only by being a bit distant and relentless. Many folks are being very, very helpful. I wish, tho, I could get a life transplant. I really am a a relatively normal person who wants to worry about weeding, and redecorating and planning family barbecues and such. But doesn't seem to be in the cards... | ||
| Barbara Citizen Username: Blh Post Number: 516 Registered: 5-2001  |
Ladies, I've been following this thread quietly since it started - just wanted to reach out and give you each a virtual hug. I went though much of what you all are doing with my Dad, gone 7 years now, and your stories remind me of how awful it was. Knowing this was part of the life cycle made it easier on some days, but not all. Not much more I can say, except my thoughts are with you. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1607 Registered: 9-2003 |
Debby, another thing your mom might do is find the hospital director's office. Usually they have an office and person right near by who's called the Patient Advocate. While it's certainly true that nursing staff can be short, there's usually guidelines as to what/when should be done. Sometimes a friendly little call from Patient Advocacy to the nursing supervisor for the area can help more appropriately prioritize care. I resorted to this once up here at Overlook. I was pretty frustrated because the guy in the bed next to my husband's had like 8 guys hanging around most of the time. The patient owned a snow-plowing business, and he was basically running it out of the hospital room via cell phone and visits. Once or twice a nurse asked who all the guys were, and they lied and said some were there for my husband. ANYWAY...my real question that I took to the advocate was what were the rules around number of visitors, hours, noise etc. My thought was that if the going's on were within the rules, well, then, perhaps we should try for a different room/private. If, on the other hand, the activity was not, I wanted to see it dealt with. The advocate got a security guy up there to sort it out without reference to my husband (so no hard feelings). She also called the supervisor regarding some things. Whatever was said, I didn't detect one iota of backlash -- but we did get the care and quiet appropriate to the situation. Sometimes those advocates are pretty darned effective. Applies equally to how fast to change beds etc. | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 5934 Registered: 5-2001 |
My experience with hospitals has been that the patients who have visitors there most of the time (especially family) get the best care from the nursing staff simply because the visitor is able to notice patient-related problems of which the nursing staff is not even aware. Someone has to be aware of the problem before the nursing staff or patient advocate can work to solve it. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4812 Registered: 5-2001 |
Also- do not be afraid to resort to bribery. You shouldn't have to, but it does help. I always put a basket of candy in my mom's room, with a funny sign like "Please help yourself. If Greenemom is whining, take a whole bunch". It tends to bring people in to get candy & they ask the patient how s/he is doing while they are at it. At the end of the stay, bring in some cookies to say "thank you" especially if you think he'll be back. BTW - Mom made bail yesterday. The GI doc gave her a very graphic description of how they would insert the feeding tube down her throat & she's been eating ever since. Very slowly & very little. We've been arguing (good naturedly) about the fact that she has to eat very slowly and frequently & get in 1400 calories a day. This means she has to get up, take her anti-naseau meds & have breakfast before she does anything else. Her usual routine is to fart around upstairs for an hour in her office, make her bed, etc. She was so happy to be in her own bed last night. She hasn't been home since June 16. She asked, when I went in to turn out the light, if I would make sure that she has a feather bed if she has to go somewhere to die. I told her that I was hoping she'd go off in the woods like a feral cat & save us all the trouble. She laughed. I don't think she had nightmare last might about throwing up blood. Her esophagus is about the size of a straw, so I hope they don't rerupture the ulceration when she goes for her final stretching. Sometimes I stop moving & remember that all this can change again at any moment and that, even if we get thru this completely, it's still about this awful disease. A friend of mom's has me & TS to dinner on Friday. She was telling me that one of her coworkers chain smokes & his attitude is "if I get cancer, I get cancer". We concluded that people who think that way don't really understand it. I think of the movies, i.e., Susan Sarandon in "Stepmother", where she does chemo while her kids are with their father, quietly pukes a few times, smokes pot to ease the naseau and, at the end, withers away, looking quite ill, but peacefully in her bed. No machines, IVs, etc. That ain't it at all. I suppose you could choose not to treat & go for palliative care only, but you'd still be shitting your bed, taking morphine, etc. However, as I also told mom last night, I am starting to think that nothing is going to kill her. She bounces back every time. Let's hope it stays that way. We are having 9 people over for a quick slice of birthday cake and to sing Happy B-day at 4p. Then we are kicking them out, because I am sure that mom will be exhausted. But, she is home for her Birthday. Cyn - I know how you feel. I at least have a bit of respite because I don't go home to it every moment. I can't imagine. It's bad enough spending every waking hour on the phone, arguing about this test, that kind of care, etc. Sometimes, I just want to take my brain out. Tomorrow, I will probably cry the first 100 miles on the way home. That's what a week here usually does to me. I still have that "if I can be here and control it, I can make her better" mentality. And mom isn't helping by reinforcing it with her rebounding. Barbara - I am sorry about your dad. It's not easy at all, is it? Thanks for the kind words. Have a great day, everyone. I plan to. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1614 Registered: 9-2003 |
That is great news, greenetree, that your mom is home. I'll bet it does her good, on all fronts. And tres cool that she had a bit of a birthday party. I like your bribery idea on the candy. Never did that one. Curt would do cartooning when well enough in the hospital, and sometimes that helped make him seem like a person. Also, and this is sick but, having flowers along with people and signs that some one cares helps I think. Staff are less likely to overlook someone who seems real and connected. Gross, but true. I thought Marvin's Room was a tad truer than Stepmother, but nothing really gets it. Some parts too slow and gross. Would be more like a Yoko Ono or Andy Warhol movie. I think taking the old brain out would be nice! Give it a dry clean or a nice airing on the clothes line. Around here, maybe I'd get lucky and someone would steal it.. I hear you on the control thing. I feel it when I'm at work, like if only I would be home all day I could force him to eat more and so on. Last night I somewhat jokingly said I wish there were cancerboy sleepaway camp with Vargas Girl like nurses to offer him tasty treats and flattery all day!! | ||
| sac Supporter Username: Sac Post Number: 2362 Registered: 5-2001 |
Echoing Barbara's words, other than the fact that I have yet to go through much of this with my parents. However, they are in their mid-80s and my father is in the early stages of Alzheimer's Disease, so my time is coming, I'm afraid, and likely very soon. I hope I'll be able to cope half as well as you all. | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 5943 Registered: 5-2001 |
Having been through this with both my parents, I have learned that coping isn't something you choose to do it's something that chooses you. As Greenetree and Cynicalgirl have so poignantly illustrated, there really isn't much of a choice when a loved one is despirately ill. Whether you become the principal care giver or pass that distinction on to another family member or a professional care giver, the emotional exhaustion and constant feeling that you are somehow not in control of things (no matter how controling you seem to others) can be overpowering. There is always the thought, however irrational, that if you had done something differently, your loved one would not be suffering now from such a terrible disease. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4813 Registered: 5-2001 |
I find that one of the worst things is that I am in total control mode all the time. It becomes second nature and I end up overloading myself. TS & I actually had a blow-out last night because she came into the bedroom (we're home now - got in last night) and said "well, the toilet's broken". I automatically said "OK, I'll call Todd in the morning & have him fix it". She was mad because a) it's a tiny piece that she intended to change herself and b) I automatically took charge without giving her a chance to deal with it and c) I'm likely to melt down at the end of the week (I do this on occassion - I just don't share with you all) and start screaming at her that the least she could do is share the household burdens. I try to control myself (there I go again), but I do realize that I assume control over everyting; just add new things to the list & keep going. Then, when I overload, I take it out on her because she's "not helping". I need to stop doing this. She's been a rock, but she's also human. I don't want my relationship to be a casualty of my mother's illness. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4815 Registered: 5-2001 |
Mom is home and in full force. We're still arguing about the eating thing, but she's a grown woman. She knows what her options (or lack thereof) are. Her small party was great. I tool down all the "get well" stuff & put up only B-day things - cards, balloons, etc. Mom's cousin and one of her closest friends decided that mom had had enough company and threw everyone out after an hour. Mom was a little let down. She was having a good time and not tired at all. But, it's probably for the best. Normal Bro and his GF got there about 10 minutes before everyone left. So, me, mom, TS, NB & GF just hung out. TS made dinner - fried chicken, mashed potatos, grilled zuccini & roasted corn. Mom had watermelon cut into tiny pieces & mashed potatos. But, we had a normal family dinner. Sitting at the table, talking about things other than being sick. Mom stayed up until 11p. Normal Bro left today & she is cleaning up the house. She's rearranging things the way they "should" be, since she wasn't home for 5 weeks. I just reminded her not to burn more calories than she eats. She got aggravated. Hey - one hour of very lighthousework burns 125 for a woman her size and age. That's a lot, considering she's still struggling to get down 1200. But, she has a full CAT to check out the cancer tomorrow, another endoscopy to stretch her esophagus on Friday & hopefully, her last chemo next week. Her hair is starting to come back - tiny little stubbles. So far, so good. If all goes well, we just have to figure out what happens next. BTW - when I picked GMF up to take her to mom's party on Sunday, she spent the whole ride telling me how it is my job to organize my brothers to take turns coming in once a month to check on her. Her big complaint is that no one calls to check up on her. I said "Poptart Guy calls you every week and I call you 2 times a week". Her response is that Poptart Guy only asks how she is. My response was that if she needs something, when he asks, she should tell him and that my brothers are grown men and I don't have time to organize them to do anything. No one is going to play 20 questions with her. It's just about getting attention. I never did get over to see her or have dinner with her last week. The 20 minutes we spent in the car together was it. I guess that will teach her to try and bribe me. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2417 Registered: 9-2003 |
"I just reminded her not to burn more calories than she eats." Wow - thanks for that. My mother-in-law has lost close to 10 lbs. since my brother-in-law became ill - which she really can't afford to do. She busys herself by cleaning & cooking up a storm (food ends up in the freezer since no one goes to eat it). Unfortunately, SHE doesn't eat any of it either. Seems she only eats when she's in the company of others. She goes from worrying about her son to worrying what she's going to wear to her great-nephew's wedding next month. And she keeps lighting candles (she doesn't seem to have to go to church to do this.. home is fine). Please God don't let her burn down the house. Brother-in-law is still playing the waiting game - port for chemo is now due to be installed on Aug. 4th. I really wish someone could explain to me why the Dr.s don't seem to see the same urgency as I do. They do a test, then two days later another test, then another..etc., etc. Isn't pancreatic cancer very agressive? Shouldn't they have ripped it out by now? We're going into the second month of testing! Glad to read your mom had a good birthday - hope you get some positve news from the CAT. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4817 Registered: 5-2001 |
SOL - I understand how you feel. Way back in the beginning, the docs went thru this back & forth about "do we treat the pericardial fluid and delay chemo or start chemo and risk a bad reaction". It was very frustrating. In the end, they went ahead with the chemo, she almost died from the adverse reaction and ended up having the surgery at a point when her immune system was at its lowest. So, I think getting all the tests done, if it helps them make the best treatment decisions, is a good thing. You can minimize the down time by insisting that they schedule the chemo for the day after the tests (or however long it will take to get the results). I've done that. The schedulers or nurses will say "we have to wait to see what the tests show". By then, they don't have an appointment for another week, two weeks, whatever. I will insist that they schedule it as if the results will tell them that it's OK to do that step & then cancel & reschedule if it turns out not to be. I am not really interested in their convenience or smooth flow in the office. I've only has to reschedule once. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1624 Registered: 9-2003 |
I agree with greenetree, and commiserate with SoOrLady. The tests are important, and some cancers are agressive. But, it's not always the case that what the doctor says is conveyed accurately to the schedulers -- who are more like car repair schedulers. They need to hear the doctor say: Schedule this test, shedule this review of results and schedule these treatments directly after. As they say in IT, the medical office is very single-threaded, AND they don't see beyond the exact next scheduling need. They are not project managers who see dependencies and ultimate goals. You have to make them be that way. And, they always avoid scheduling out because they're sure they'll have to un-schedule. They avoid that work. The temptatation to cuss them out can be great. I find it better to deliver orders, by phone or in person, in my most un-understanding, senior exec voice. I've learned to say things like "Cynicalgirl her, returning Dr. Blah's call." (<-Lowest octave) Rather than "Um, hi, this is Cynicalgirl. I'm trying to reach Dr. Blah?" (<- high octave, interrogative tone). This stuff stinks, but works. The more you sound insistent, authoritative nd male the greater your chances of getting what you want. I most deliberately use my work persona and not my personal life persona. And you gotta remember, however nicey liberal girly you are, that it is not your goal to solve the problems of managed care for healthcare employees -- at this time. Your goal is to get what you need and deserve, regardless of how it upsets their lunch schedules etc. Fellow women are far more likely to expect women callers to jump into their pain. I say, "Not now, sistuhs..." (in my mind) | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2418 Registered: 9-2003 |
You are both very wise - a wisdom I'm sure you'd rather not have, but I appreciate your taking the time to share. BIL sent a group e-mail last night - there is finally a game plan - he's going for a body cast today - radiation begins Tuesday - 10 min a day, 5 days a week for 5.5 weeks. Chemo will begin the same time, which he says will be via a 24 hr. a day, 7 days a week IV-like drip. for 7 weeks (do you think he got that part right?) | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1627 Registered: 9-2003 |
On that chemo, hard to say. One thing I've learned is that there are many protocols/regimens, which vary depending on the strength and mix of the cocktail, the type of cancer, the health of the person. Almost impossible to compare across, say, breast cancer, pancreatic, colon and so on. Even the drugs for side effects, and the dietary guidelines, vary some. As a result, I read only material about people going through exactly what he is. My husband is on this thing they call FULFOX with Avastin. Every other week it's like this: Mon - 3 hours of various chemo jazz; go home with port-a-cath dripping stuff. Tues - 2 hours of various chemo jazz; go home with port-a-cath dripping stuff. Wed - come in and have cath come off. While it's on, he wears the device in a little shoulder bag like thing, and tends to do his sleeping in the recliner. This will go on for 6 mos or a year, depending. BTW -- and greenetree may find this of interest -- Mr. Cynicalgirl's current fave food, which I can leave on the end table next to the recliner -- is squirt cheese on Ritz. He likes having little nibbly stuff ready to hand, and both dissolve easily. Grape jelly and PB, or whipped cream cheese, on Ritz also good, but can't leave the jelly out endlessly. He has to avoid really cold food due to the Avastin, which greatly enhances sensitivity. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4838 Registered: 5-2001 |
Mom is starting to behave like herself again (both good and bad). She's taking charge of her own life for the first time since her diagnosis. She didn't like the facility that I'd scheduled her CAT scan at, so she changed it. Problem was, no one was available to take her then. So, she had to rearrange her transportation as well. She also had severe pain after her scope on Friday. She didn't panic; she just called the doc. No biggie. Today, she is making potato & leek soup that she saw on the Food Channel. She gets the results of this CAT on Wednesday & her last round of chemo this week. We're all crossing our fingers. I had the guest room painted this weekend. It hadn't been done since I did it when we first moved in 8 years ago. A boring cream color after removing the wallpaper. Now it is a soft peach. We liked the jabots & Matelasse bedspread, so we chose the color to coordinate. I went to BB&B yesterday and picked up all kinds of throw pillows & rugs. Lots of sage for contrast. I also splured on 600 TC cotton sheets for the bed. The guest room doesn't get used a lot, so they'll last forever. I also bought a set of 1000 TC cottons for our bed. I call them "fake Frettes". But, honey! I said. I had coupons!. The guest room will be nice and cozy. It has needed to be done forever, but thinking about mom coming to visit was the impetus to get it done. Now I will hate the furniture (which is a combo of my & TS's early-20s first apartment stuff), but a new set is not in the budget right now. Especially since we are having part of the deck rebuilt to cover up last summer's fiasco. But, I digress... It's funny to talk to mom and have her be her old self. I love my mom to pieces, but she has her aggravating tendancies (as do we all). She can annoy the living bejesus out of me. Somehow, I envisioned a new & improved Greenemom. You know, the ones on the commercials who say "I am a survivor and now I take time to play with my grandchildren and smell the roses and weave daisy chains". I know it's ridiculous, but I kind of feel like she owes it to me & Normal Bro to enjoy what time she has left & be happy. Not go back to her old workaholic ways. We've invested too much energy in getting her well. TS has pointed out to me that every time mom is at the brink, I go to Ohio & she rebounds. I said to her last week "you know, mom, you will be OK whether I'm here or not. Your're going to make it". I guess I hit a nerve, because she said "yeah, I know, but still.....". I'll let you know how the tests go..... Good thoughts out to Cynboy, BIL & Dad. If my mom can beat the crap she's been thru, anyone can make it. | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 5974 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greenetree: Is it possible that Greenemom enjoys her workaholic ways? Perhaps they remind her that she is still alive, can still make a positive contribution to others and can still maintain some control over her own life. Its great that she is able to begin going back to her old ways. | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 1898 Registered: 5-2001 |
I thought the same as I read your post, greene, that your Mom is asserting herself and getting back to normal (God knows, we all have our own sense of normal). ********** We got back to Florida this evening. I was a blubbering fool at camp this morning. Somehow packing up and leaving camp for the year made the reality of my departure, and how very far away I live, much more real than actually kissing my parents goodbye last night. It's been a damn long week. Dad has been taken off the antibiotics again (he was on Vancomycin for two weeks) although his white count is still fluctuating. The surgeon and the geriatrician are not in agreement about when to release him to rehab. The surgeon is inclined to keep him until the white count is stable and the prostate problem (another lovely new dimension to this saga) is resolved. The geriatrics lady wants to get him the hell out of the hospital and into rehab to prevent further mental decline - the dementia has progressed about 5 years in the last two weeks. I'm siding with the Geriatrician, but I don't get a say. Mom will check out a second rehab center tomorrow with my brother - we all went to check one out next to Co-op City yesterday. I suddenly feel very old. | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 1899 Registered: 5-2001 |
BTW - the guest room sounds beautiful. I love sage. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4846 Registered: 5-2001 |
Debby - that's a tough one. The surgeon has a point. Any facility is going to leave your dad more vulnerable to infection. But, in the hospital, if precautions are taken as they are supposed to be, he is less at risk than at a rehab facility where constant hand washing & awareness of infection aren't top of mind. Hospitals aren't perfect; it is, after all, where sick people go. But they should be better about precautions. Then again, what good is being healthy if it is at the cost of mental deterioration? Tough call. During my mom's last hospitalization, I had PT in every day so that she wouldn't lose what she gained in rehab. I can't believe there isn't a PT service in the hospital. | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 1901 Registered: 5-2001 |
There is PT in the hospital, but it's like 15 minutes a pop. The thing about a rehab facility is that they get up and get dressed and eat in the dining room with other people. It's closer to real life, which will help with his mental rehab. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4850 Registered: 5-2001 |
Mom called. She's all stressed out because Aetna is declining to cover the PET scan she had back in March because it wasn't "preauthed". I keep telling her not to worry. I doubt I will even have to file a DOI complaint. She's freaking out about all the bills - she doesn't see most of them, but every once in awhile, someone calls her. She refers them to me, but worries. I say "Mom, what were you going to do? Skip treatment"? The radiation billing office called me. They want to know who ordered the PET. Luckily for them, I remembered. Otherwise, they would have been forced to pull her chart and look. Sheesh. So, I tell her the name of the MD & she wants to know if I have the phone number. Mind you, the ordering doc & the radiologist are both attendings at the hospital & have offices in the same building. They all know each other. But, I tell her I'll call her back with the number. When I call back to give the lazy billing person the number (they should be paying me), the service picks up and I am told I will have to call back when they reopen after lunch. No. I do not have to call back. She called me. You can take a message or she can look up the phone number herself. They took the message. | ||
| sac Supporter Username: Sac Post Number: 2408 Registered: 5-2001 |
Way to tell 'em! | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1077 Registered: 8-2003  |
you GO! you are so skilled with dealing with idiots over the phone. I am in awe. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4853 Registered: 5-2001 |
Well, we have a 102.1 fever and are on our way to the ED. By "we" I mean "not me" since I'm here. The woman who cleans her house and has been a godsend is taking her. I will compensate her for the $$$ she will not get because she is cancelling the aerobics class she teaches Monday nights. Mom initially refused to go to the ED, but I told her that it is her hospital with her own doctor by car or the closest hospital by ambulance. She decided to go by car after all. And the beat goes on. | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 1902 Registered: 5-2001 |
Hoping for the best. Keep us posted. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 4861 Registered: 5-2001 |
Chinese food. Specifically, egg foo yung & pot stickers. Made in Ohio. Need I say more? Mom, I said, what were you thinking? It smelled good and went down easily. It has high calories. I thought you wanted me to eat? Mom, you've been living on yogurt, chicken salad, scrambled eggs and Carnation Instant Breakfast. Maybe you should have started with a bite of the -blech- egg foo yung and one pot sticker? So, they gave her fluids & an antibiotic. Her white count is up, so there's something going on (which may mean no chemo this week ). She was up all night with -ahem- lower GI issues. But, they did send her home at midnight. Only mom...... | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1631 Registered: 9-2003 |
greenetree, my husband would do that (and has). He loves chinese food, or I should say, the meat/chicken/fish parts and the rice. Has a great reason for not eating vegetables these days -- needs to gain weight, and anything remotely fibrous gives him "issues." Sounds all in all like the move home was a good one. I've been a tad absent just cuz regular life has been going full bore/boar. Budget season at work, crappy, mind-numbing things. Getting the kiddo ready for sleepaway camp (who owns 14 pair of shorts, anyway?). Husband tolerating chemo. Biggest challenge (which I need some brain space to apply myself to) is maintaining his "ride" schedule. A number of you folks have been kind enough to help in that regard, and I have some charitable leads to follow up -- the sw at the hospital had nothing (Summit only) except a list of services that wanted like $30-$40 each way! I know some of you have offered some numbers and ideas -- please know I'm following up as fast as I can... I want that Brady Bunch Alice chick to move in and take charge! Or, the ex-con from Hart to Hart. Or, Hop Sing.. |
