| Author | Message | ||
     Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1693 Registered: 9-2003  |
CU-RAPPPPP!!! I had that Vanity Fair and gave it away!!! It is pretty good little piece, and tres believable...I hope you FIND IT NOW!!! I understand this obsession all too well, greenetree BETS, try the patch plus Zyban. It was working amazingly well, and I should know. So why did I stop it? Cuz I'm one of the fortunate few who is allergic to Zyban. Big honkin' itchy hives. Zyban kicks butt! I kid you not. You take that stuff, and you still smoke for awhile, but you get nothing from them. It's as if the cigarette is toilet paper or the world's lowest Carleton. I highly recommend Zyban. | ||
| Brett Citizen Username: Bmalibashksa Post Number: 1864 Registered: 7-2003 |
I have it and can mail it to you on Monday, I'm not done with it yet.  | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5013 Registered: 5-2001  |
Lucy - you are going to make me nuts trying to figure it out. Have we seen each other recently? SOL - you have to be careful with homeopathy; some of the remedies interfere with pharmaceuticals. You can try calling Hickey's Pharmacy in the City. The pharmacists there are very knowledgeable and cross-trained in pharma/homeo. They are not judgemental one way or the other and might be able to give you some good idea. Lil & Brett - as I am not supposed to move around much (it just took me 5 minutes to hobble 2 doors down to visit) I doubt I will be out looking for the VF. So, I may take one of you up on the offer. I have one person to ask in the neighborhood. So, I'll let you know. Thanks. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 2280 Registered: 6-2001  |
Can I e-mail her and tell her Luce? | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 2281 Registered: 6-2001 |
Thanks for the advice on quitting, all. I tried Zyban already and it made me nuts, but that was when I was still a couple, so maybe I'll give it another whirl. On a side note, when my doctor prescribed Zyban, it wasn't covered by insurance; when he then prescribed the generic, it was! I hate insurance companies!!! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5016 Registered: 5-2001 |
Bets- Have your doc prescribe Wellbutrin XL for depression. It's the exact same drug, with a different indication. It is also very common for docs to do this so that it will be covered. I had a friend who was hypnotized to quit, very succesfully. BTW - I am scrunched in a chair with the keyboard on my lap & little access to the mouse. The Monster and I have been fighting over the desk top for awhile. He won. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 2282 Registered: 6-2001 |
That's the name of the second script! Tell GDIAN I said to share and play nice! | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1695 Registered: 9-2003 |
I'm also told accupuncture is often successful. My husband went to an accupuncture doc, a Chinese lady in Summit for a time. I was pretty surprised he tried it cuz he is the furthest thing from New Age. She offered accupuncture for smoking cessation, and apparently for some it's quite good. greenetree, if you're really jonesing for news, try googling on Brad Angelina Jennifer. You can a short term fix that way...! | ||
| soresident Citizen Username: Soresident Post Number: 261 Registered: 10-2001 |
I have the September Vanity Fair. PL me and I will drive it over tonight. | ||
| LilLB Citizen Username: Lillb Post Number: 827 Registered: 10-2002  |
I don't think I live that far from you greentree, so I could literally walk it over (I think) - just let me know. And, since you can't get around much - let me know if you need anything else...what are neighbors for? | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 2284 Registered: 6-2001 |
I have a family subscription to People Magazine and I'm slow as potatoes at reading them, so I may have early development drama editions available if you're interested. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5018 Registered: 5-2001 |
Lil - If you feel like strolling, let me know. That would be great. SOR- thanks. I thought about taking you up on your offer, but we went next door for dinner & didn't get home until 11p. Wasn't going to ask you to drive over then! Bets- I'm up to date on People, but thanks. I don't need any other help. TS is being wonderful. I finally slept thru the night last night - from 11p - 11a. She brought me coffee & just went to get my clothes & shower stuff so that I can shower down here. I'm not supposed to get my foot wet for a few days. I'm a little bored; I can't sit outside because the one-week landscaping project is in week 3 & it's a dusty mess back there. I've been on e-Bay, which is dangerous. There is one thing I collect that I allow myself to bid on once every few months. I won one last week, so I need to stay off. Right now, I am on a mission for ring-top, pull shades for the den, in case we need them to make it a bedroom. Mom is exhausted. I talked to her last night & said "you went to Rush for us, didn't you"? She said "yes". I feel very bad. The trip wiped her out. She was feeling so good & having fun being around her house. I hope she recovers from it. | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 6091 Registered: 5-2001 |
She will. Just give her a little time to regroup. The one thing I learned when my Mom was in the hospital is to be wary of doctors who want to run tests. It is vital to ask what the test is for and how your Mom can benefit from having it done. Otherwise, it is all too easy for a patient to become a test subject, especially in a teaching hospital. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1698 Registered: 9-2003 |
Revenge of the Caregiver (or, Night of the Living Caregiver) Yesterday, as will happen once in awhile, I got real mad. Day started well enough, which for me means I got a good night's sleep and awoke at 6:30 to household quiet. Went on the backporch to drink coffee, etc., and make my weekend to-do list on a yellow pad. I like doing this, and I've always liked quiet. Moved pretty quickly through a lot of it as I'd been off Friday to get the kid from camp and had done about 6 loads of various wash. So, sheets, towels, one adult load. Wash up the dishes, the counters, sweep the kitchen. Change the catbox, tidy the livingroom, put everyone's crap away. I am a person who, when left to my own devices (it's been YEARS) have minimal clutter, old mags, dirty glasses and general stuff out, especially in a small house. This kind of order keeps me sane. So, I did alla that, paid bills online, took out household trash, went to the drycleaner, and so on. Which brings us to tipping point one. Enter weary, skinny husband. Drinking tea, having a cigarette. I survey his last week's medicine/vitals chart and say: "We got to get some meat on your bones; last week's effort to get you moved down a crank on Fentanyl lost you weight. Fall is coming, colds, etc. and your resistance will be poor. Plus your energy's in the toilet." He starts in with this whole nothing in the house is quite tasty enough, quite easy enough, blah-blah. Now, this could've been a whine from the old version of him. He was often food-lazy and would eat whatever was easiest (Twizzlers, cookies, cheese). So, I remind him that several times a week I ply him with food ideas, I buy them, sometimes he eats them. From my POV, he has no complaints as regards what's on offer. He wants it, I buy it. Hell, I even think stuff up. So he goes, he goes "I'm so-o-o ti-i-rr-ed." So I go I go: "You're tired because (a) you're doing chemo therapy, and (b) you're not eating enough quality protein. You gotta eat even if you don't want to. I can't sit here alla time telling you to eat. Tell me what to buy and I'll do so." Sez he, " Well, what I'd really like is some nice, tender, juicy veal." Anyway, something about the little descriptors -- never mind the whole thing we're going through -- just lit up some bad memory nodes in my head regarding interactions with my father (when he was in similar "health" in his 70's), my mother (who was a pain in the butt on a good day), and my grandmother who was forever going on about how chickens didn't taste like they used to. The whole, old, infirm, fussy thing. So I said: "Fine. I'll get you this stuff, but you have to get eating. Ain't no PILL going to magically restore your energy and health, and no, neither will a chiropractor. You have to get busy to the extent that you can." So I tuckd away this little nugget in my craw, fuming. Tipping point two. A little later the kid wakes up and does her kid things. Comes downstairs later to ask whether she can go to the movies at 5. Says I, after getting some particulars as to buddies and film, "Sure." Then she says, "Well, Mrs. So-and-so will take us but you have to pick us up around 8." Mind, I had just done this the previous night. I tuck this away. Now, the prospect of my making a nice dinner and, after a day full of serving others, having a glass or 2 of wine has been royally screwed, or at least postponed till 8:30 and beyond. Got a headache. Drove the kid out for endless freaking school supplies per the teachers' lists (like $100+ worth, even with coupons, many and specific notebooks, folders, binders, pens). Ran into a mom at Staples who said her school has a service where the school takes the teachers' order and parents can pay a small fee to get the whole durned bundle. Wonder why that can't be so at MMS cuz this BLOWS! Would rather just pay money for a bundle and flip the school $20 for tissues, etc. I HATE SCHOOL SHOPPING!! I HATE THE LISTS. I HATE THE PICAYUNITY TIDDY-BOO NESS OF IT ALL. I would cheerfully buy my way out of it. By 4:00 and a bunch of errands my head is throbbing. I holler, I yell. I tell the kid that until October 1 I am not to be asked to do the pickup on outings with her friends. I will happily do the drop off. How all these kids have intact families with healthy moms 'n dads with enough money and goddamnit I need a break. At the husband how he'd better get busy eating cuz I shall lose my marbles if he acts like my aged now deceased father. Some days, I feel like "caregivers" like handicapped/differently abled people are supposed to be all sweatness and light like some Hummel figurine. Or one of those trite paintings by the guy that does all the cottages with lights in the window just so. But, we're not. Verily, I promise you we are not. In the end, I bought 3 tabloids and went out and put a "spa" pedicure on credit. Went to my room and read the rags while admiring my rejuvenated feet. Got over it, in short. Let's see what today brings, eh? Yesterday, I felt like getting a nights/weekend job and living in the garage, just to control my space. A new version of A Room of One's Own... | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2492 Registered: 9-2003 |
Greenetree - your mom will regroup and gain strength in her own surroundings. She went to Rush for you and PopTart, Normal and Baby... says a lot about her. You've been amazing throughout and the kind of child most of us can only hope to be. Sorry you're laid up, but happy to hear that you're being tended to ... try selectblinds.com for your shades. Cyn - you're allowed to melt-down - you too, have been amazing and set a bar quite high for the rest of us. Hope today is better. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1703 Registered: 9-2003 |
Yep, SoOrLady, today is better. Thanks. Sunday was a little better, too. Can be awfully hard, and I do better during the week with the structure of work than I do on the weekends, oftentimes...being house-bound due to the heat didn't help! | ||
| mjh Supporter Username: Mjh Post Number: 165 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyn, I completely understand your point of view and admire you greatly, but I have to stick up for your husband. I've often told my husband I absolutely loved him for not harassing me or pleading with me to eat while I was undergoing chemo. I'm naturally thin and looked skeletal while on chemo, but I did my best and hated it when anyone suggested my weight loss had anything to do with lack of will power or effort. You are right to provide the foods that sound good to him. Unfortunately, cravings (in my experience) come and go, and acting upon a craving is frequently very disappointing. I remember making a special trip for rotisserie chicken that I wanted SO badly. I served up a large quantity and then only managed to choke down about 3 bites------it tasted awful to me and I burst into tears over my plate. Are they trying any drugs to increase appetite? They work for some people. Or, if you really think depression is interfering with his ability to eat, then that's another treatment avenue to explore. Creating time and space for yourself is well deserved and necessary for your sanity and for continuing as a great parent and spouse. Grab it when you can and don't feel bad about it. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1704 Registered: 9-2003 |
Thanks, mjh. He tried Megase, but it did bad leg swelling things so he's off it for now. He's back on Wellbutrin to help with the smoking. Truthfully, I can understand why he smokes. His life is pretty restricted right now, and small, and that's one piece from his old "real" self. I think all of this would be easier if so much didn't fall to me. If we were kinda loaded and there were an on tap person to see to his food fancies. I really do get worn on all of this, and its hard not to take it personally. Kids can do that to you, but now it's the husband, too and the dog and the cat. Everyone wants me to do something really special for them. And that's before I get to work! Some is appearance. He never was thin, and now he's scrawny. 195 to 124. I try to pretend he's like a short Keith Richards or something, to try to normalize it. But he was always Curt/Daddy the teddy bear. Now, he's Daddy the wraithe who nobody wants to/or can hug hardly for fear of hurting him. A lot, too, is my worries about the onset of cold weather. He's a sitting duck for just about any ailment, anyway, and with 0 body fat, more so. It's just hard, bottom line. Some weeks I wish it were he who went to summer camp, to get properly looked after by cheerful other people! Would that it could be so... | ||
| redY67 Citizen Username: Redy67 Post Number: 3058 Registered: 2-2003  |
cyn wow, tough weekend. I am glad you got to relax, although a little with the tabloids and hope you had a nice glass of wine to go with it too! It surprised your daughters friends parents to offer to pitch in more. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5029 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyn- the Wellbutrin may be a double-edged sword. It suppresses all kinds of cravings, including for carbs. It acts as an appetite suppressant for some people. It probably won't help with the smoking, but ask his doc about trying mirtazapine. It's an antidepressant (which Lord knows, couldn't hurt) with amazing powers of appetite increase. Patients who take this often discon because it gives them the munchies beyond anything you can imagine. If he does try it, many docs don't warn about the titration side effects - the first 3-5 days, he will be a zonked zombie. That is normal. Then, he will probably eat everything in sight. I found a home for the Maniac Devil Dog. I will tell more about it later; I'm kind of sad because things like this are a different level of preparation. But, it seems that he is destined to become The World's Most Spoiled Dog. So, it is a good thing. And, mom is taking control of things. She is fed up with the visiting nurse who comes and goes as she pleases. She called me this morning to see if I had a phone number for them. I asked if she wanted me to call & she said, No, she was going to do it. Go, mom. I just feel sorry for the visiting nurse. Is there hospice in prison? | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5030 Registered: 5-2001 |
Yikes! I forgot! Thanks to Lillb who saved me with the VF. There's also a cool article on Porn Star memoires. Who knew there were enough to be a genre? She doesn't want it back, so Cyn, if you need it, it's yours. | ||
| mjh Supporter Username: Mjh Post Number: 166 Registered: 5-2001 |
I hear you..........and don't blame you for your exhaustion and your worry (which sounds reasonable to me). Has he tried Marinol? (Your basic marijuana in a pill). Some people also get an appetite boost from periactin (which is really a antihistamine). And I have had many patients who swear that taking a multivitamin on an empty stomach boosts their appetite tremendously. who knows? Still willing to pitch in/organize help if/when you need it. | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 1943 Registered: 5-2001 |
I just got a call from my mom. Dad is not doing well - they were unable to insert the feeding tube for all the scarring on the stomach. He has lost 45 pounds since 7/14, and is now 179 pounds at 6'3". They had tried under sedation. They did say that maybe they could insert it surgically, under general anesthesia. I don't know if his brain could survive that. Very sad here, Debby | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5035 Registered: 5-2001 |
Oh, Debby. I am so sorry. I hope that whatever happens, it brings the most peace and least pain to your dad. I can't imagine how difficult this is for your mom; I know how helpless you feel. | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 1944 Registered: 5-2001 |
I just booked my ticket up there yesterday - flying 9/15, as soon as my husband is back down here. I'm afraid that might not be soon enough. How am I supposed to go out and face my kids and get homework started now? And a guy is coming to measure the floors in 20 minutes. Uggh. Time to be brave. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5036 Registered: 5-2001 |
One step at a time. Give yourself permission to feel... however. Go somewhere private for 5-10 minutes and cry, scream, whatever. Do you really care if the floor guy sees you with puffy eyes? I've found that there are certain times of the day when I just lose my focus & feel sad. Go with it. Giving yourself that few minutes of private time is an absolute must and will help you keep your sanity. I mean, are the kids really going to set the dog on fire if you lock yourself in your room for 10 minutes or take a walk around the block? Make a short list of what you have to get done each day. 1. At homework time, everyone sits down to do it. Some days, Mom won't be able to help right at the moment; she'll check it later. They will not get kicked out of school or fail to get into college if you skip it here and there. 2. Floor guy - let him do his thing. If you have to sign off on something and can't read it with any focus right now, have him leave it and you will send/fax it tomorrow. He'll have to deal with it. 3. Do not feel you have to figure out dinner on the bad nights. Order pizza, Chinese, pile into the car and go to McD's. Whatever. Remember that being brave and being scared are not mutually exclusive. I have looked to all the others around me in my life and here online. From their examples, I know that I will survive this. You will, too. | ||
| Pizzaz Supporter Username: Pizzaz Post Number: 2308 Registered: 11-2001  |
Sorry, Deb. I'll keep your dad, along with Greentree's mom in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you both the best. | ||
| Bob K Supporter Username: Bobk Post Number: 9205 Registered: 5-2001 |
I have found that screaming is best done in the car. Let's face it, screaming in the house tends to upset the spouse, kids, pets and the neighbors who might actually call the cops. Back in the 1980s there was a briefly popular therapy called Primal Scream. I found it works very well. Give it a try, you wouldn't be disappointed. Just follow my caveats above. | ||
| Virtual It Girl Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 3010 Registered: 5-2001 |
I love the Primal scream and engage in it often. My thoughts are with all of you. | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 1945 Registered: 5-2001 |
There may be a glimmer of hope. The neurologist was in, and although she doesn't think another surgery/general anesthesia is a good idea, she does think that it's possible that he will start to regain his appetite now that the infection is being properly treated. I hadn't posted for a while, but my Dad had wound up back in the hospital last week with an ongoing infection of unknown origin - the same infection that knocked him down a week after surgery - and it turned out to be his gallbladder. When they cultured the drainage stuff they discovered the vancomycin hadn't been touching it - he needed an entirely different AB. Today, a further culture revealed yet another odd microorganism; ergo, another new antibiotic. Long story short, she wants to give the AB's a few days to knock out the infection and keep him on total parenteral nutrition, and see if he regains some strength/awareness. No promises. Anyway, thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. bobk - are you sure it doesn't count if I scream at my kids? | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1706 Registered: 9-2003 |
Sometimes I scream at my kid, or I should say in my kid's vicinity. While not the best approach to mothering, we still hold hands when walk down the street and as I write, we're in her room listening to Weezer (sp?). Debby, I just read the whole mess. Roller coaster's suck, but I sure am glad for your latest post. Rest o' youse guys: thanks for your comments/support on my Saturday rant. It really felt crappy, though right now, OK. I'm not usually quite this schizo...thanks for listening. | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 1946 Registered: 5-2001 |
Actually, cyn, I really appreciated your rant on Saturday. You put words to the frustration and unfairness of it all. Life can be really ugly. And Thomas Kinkcade (the Painter of Light!) never had to change a colostomy bag. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5047 Registered: 5-2001 |
Hey - here's a thought: Let's make dart boards out of Kincade drawings. Only, instead of darts, we can throw black paint balls. What a statement! If art comes from the depths of emotions, we could have quite a show! It could be held in a local gallery. We just need a curator. OK - here's the story with the Maniac Devil Dog (MDD): A young couple who have a 3 y/o Norwegian Elkhound is taking him. The wife recently had a miscarriage and they decided to get a friend for their dog and try again for a baby in another year. They are totally into their animals (they also have cats) and want to give themselves something else to focus on and enlarge the family while they recover from the loss of the baby. I understand that they all (mom, dad, dog) went to see MDD and everyone got along really, really well. So, this couple will have the dog they want, their dog and MDD will each have a friend; their cats love dogs and MDD loves cats. They have a very large yard and have raised Labs before, so they know what to expect. My biggest fear in finding him a home was that someone who didn't understand his personality/breed would end up sending him to a shelter. I do not think that this will happen here. I think he needs them as much as they need him. Weirdly enough, mom mentioned him to me this morning for the first time in weeks. I think she wondered but was afraid to ask. I wasn't going to tell her about his new home, but I gave her all the details & she seems happy about the home. As happy as she can be, since she still wants him back. I told her again that when she can handle a dog, I'll get her one. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 2312 Registered: 6-2001 |
CG, GT, SOL, and Debby (when you're up here), please feel free to call me whenever you feel the need to get out for an hour, have a walk or a drink or (in CG's case) a few smokes and talks. Though I haven't met the latter two In Real Life yet, I already feel I know you and instinctively feel that we'd get along. Maybe we should try to have a get together while Debby's here. By the 3rd week in September, my life is usually at the point where I'm not committed to 24/7 availability. Maybe I could host! I'm sorry for the late night posts, etc., but I just don't have the time to read MOL from work for awhile. I will definintely be hitting the VC Continued Hilarity thread and other quick-hit threads. I'm usually home by 8 and needing decompression (had a good walk with SO Nanny tonight), so consider me an outlet. Can't wait for 9/4, GT. I have another present for you. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 2313 Registered: 6-2001 |
Oh, and about Labradoodle: That is fantastic news that will give peace of mind to all involved (including us, your devoted audience). Norwegian Elkhounds are incredible dogs - did you get to meet him/her? Can I? Will MDD be able to visit your Mom? That would be most ideal, in my opinion. Speaking of which, a new colleague is in need of a foster family for her dog Doster for a year. She's moved into on-campus housing for on a one-year lease and isn't allowed a dog over 15 lbs. or so. He's currently with a friend in Alabama (where my colleague lived), but she'd like to have him close by and is willing to trade pet-sitting services. I believe he's a lab/german shepherd mix. Please let me know if you're willing to help out (it's only 10 months now). Thanks (and sorry to hijack, ladies & gents!). | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1708 Registered: 9-2003 |
Debby, I'm glad you appreciated my rant. I felt like I was pretty nasty-minded, and feared I'd alienated. Oh, yeah, colostomy bags. I remember being trained to do it when cynicalboy first got (in case he wasn't up to it for a time). I remember seeing his chubby little stomach minutes before the surgery, with a black X in Magic Marker on it. And I remember seeing that tummy after. 5 years later, it makes no never mind. We're cool with it now, but given that and my prior outings with my parents needs, I've been sore tempted to write an autobiography entitled "My Life in Sh*t." Best wishes at you, baby! And greenetree, I love the dart board idea. Maybe some little "big eyed" children strolling through, with gingham ostomy bags....trailing....!!! | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 6111 Registered: 5-2001 |
Debby: I hope things are going even better for your Dad today than they were late yesterday. The yo-yo bouncing back and forth of the emotions as the hospital treats one condition successfully only to uncover two others in need of immediate attention is one of the toughest parts of having a parent in the hospital. Here's to a full and speedy recovery from the condition which landed him in the hospital. | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 6112 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cynicalgirl: IMHO one of the toughest things about being a long term care giver for a loved one is that people are always asking you how the loved one is but almost nobody asks how you are doing. I am so glad you found a few hours for yourself. I realize they are never enough but each little bit helps exponentially. I often wonder why the ill person is the one called the patient when it is the caregiver who requires so much patience. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5050 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyn - are you kidding? I loved your rant. Thought it was rather controlled, actually. 'Cause I could feel what you didn't let out. I like the idea of colo-kids in our Kincade art. We need a catchy name for the exhibit. Bets- Mom asked if she could see the dog & we said "no". If he doesn't remember her, it will crush her - that was her biggest fear when he first got sent to the farm. If he does, it will be confusing for him & still painful for her not to take him home. There is no easy way to do this. She hasn't said "I want to say good-bye". All she says is "I want him back". Oh, in case y'all were worried about GMF developing maternal instincts, don't be. Her newest thing is to call each of us & remind us of how much attention and help she needs. She & I have the same conversation every time: Do you need help making meals? No. Do you need help getting dressed or bathing? No. Do you need someone to run errands or take you places? No (she has regular drivers whom she pays). Do you need help with your bills? No. What do you need? You need to tell me what you need so that we can figure out how to get it. You need company and companionship; I understand that. No, I can't fly in once a month to spend the weekend with you. How about the lady upstairs who you like so much and lost her husband last year? She's busy? Why don't you call her and set a lunch or coffee date ahead of time? You can't do that? Oh, your friend Rachel took you to a show at the art museum last week and you still volunteer at the library on Mondays? That's very nice that you are getting out. You are going to a dinner party next Saturday (the one mom won't be able to attend)? How wonderful. I'm so sorry that your social life is not as full as you would like it to be. And the beat goes on. So, yesterday, Baby Bro finally calls her back (first time since mom got sick). He says to me in amazament "she's not worried about losing her only child; didn't say a word about what mom is going thru. She's only worried that we will forget to take care of her". Welcome to my world, I tell him. | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 6120 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greenetree: Sounds like your grand mother is suffering from a variation of sibling rivalry. She wants attention and an affirmation that she still exists and people still care about her. Perhaps you can't visit her every weekend but you can make the occassional phone call and/or send the occassional post card. I know you are bitter about how she has behaved through your mother's illness and I am not trying to make excuses (or explainations) for her behavior but you will feel a lot better if you can remove some of the intra-family tension with a minimal amount of effort. |
