| Author | Message | ||
     Eats Shoots & Leaves Citizen Username: Mfpark Post Number: 2064 Registered: 9-2001  |
Good for you. Sounds like you are taking charge of your own happiness now, instead of being buffetted by the winds of change. Keep us posted. And good luck starting back up at school. | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 8888 Registered: 1-2003  |
las: WOW! | ||
| something witty Citizen Username: Buckneja Post Number: 169 Registered: 1-2003  |
It is a happy Monday, and a good week so far. Day by day we go... and las, your words put it all into perspective. Again I'm regretting that I could not meet you this weekend, but I am sure to do so soon. | ||
| DeborahG Citizen Username: Deborahg Post Number: 1535 Registered: 5-2001  |
Yay! And me too! I actually tried to come but didn't have Mem's address! | ||
| mem Citizen Username: Mem Post Number: 5224 Registered: 5-2001  |
Deborah - When you sent me the PL we were already out on my deck and patio having mohitos - sorry... | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1101 Registered: 8-2003  |
mmmm...mojitos.... mmmm (they were AWESOME!) | ||
| Virtual It Girl Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 2927 Registered: 5-2001 |
Yes, and I only had a teensy hangover yesterday! | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 307 Registered: 10-2003 |
And I sufficiently monitored by Mojito intake in an effort to keep my tiara on straight.  | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1104 Registered: 8-2003 |
Next time, you get yourself a designated driver- tiara be damned! | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 308 Registered: 10-2003 |
Pippi, I love my tiara...it's so much better than the old one. Thank you. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1105 Registered: 8-2003 |
smooches  | ||
| Dave Supporter Username: Dave Post Number: 7089 Registered: 4-1997  |
Sorry I missed your party, Las. However, something tells me there will be another one soon. Right, Mem? right??? | ||
| redY67 Citizen Username: Redy67 Post Number: 2837 Registered: 2-2003  |
Las, sorry I missed it too  I didn't get the address in time to go. Glad to hear you had a good time! | ||
| algebra2 Supporter Username: Algebra2 Post Number: 3749 Registered: 5-2001  |
Thanks for the ride home LAS! I woke up and walked the "walk of shame" back to Mem's to pick-up my abandoned vehicle. | ||
| Spare_o Supporter Username: Spare_o Post Number: 282 Registered: 9-2003 |
Las--I am so happy for you. Days when the glass if half full after such darkness can be such an amazing thing. The air feels lighter, the birds are singing...just wait until the glass is completely full (of mojitas!). | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 319 Registered: 10-2003 |
Thank you, Spare_o. | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 1374 Registered: 12-2004  |
Congratulations las. Sounds like you've been having a wonderful life while I was away. See, we told you it would happen and it has. And in such a short time. You are incredible. Sorry I missed your party, glad you had a great time and met some new friends. Was enjoying a nice family vacation at the beach where it was hot, hot, hot. See you soon. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 386 Registered: 10-2003 |
Today is day three of my three day weekend the third one I've had by myself and the other two were so miserably long that I booked myself up and got myself out and made plans to stay busy nonstop. The people I visit they are my family they were for years our backdoor neighbors - the octogenarians who welcomed us in and embraced us as if we were theirs and we were theirs no doubt for we spent all our holidays and birthdays with them and their family and after some time their children and grandkids and nieces and cousins became our family too. And him could never do wrong in the eyes of the old lady who lived behind us for whenever we'd visit I'd be sure to pack his arms with gifts from the garden or hand him the cell phone when we were out to see if there was something they'd need. And the two of them this old lady and him were tight just as tight as could be and oh! how she loved him and doted on him and I'd call her when he was sick so she'd call him back and check up on him and send someone over with food. But now that he's gone and the way that he left even though he has called and visited her twice she won't deal with him and she won't call him back she tells me she doesn't have time for him now. So I sit with my family in their backyard and eat my meals and drink my wine and force my laugh at appropriate times and stare at the house just a few feet away that I used to live in and love in and dream in and tend to yet now when I look at the house that was mine (and should still be by all means) I watch the new family who lives there now and it kills me just kills me inside. And the old lady who used to be wild about him who barely knew I was around always reaches for me and reminds it is what it is I should look away. | ||
| Virtual It Girl Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 3107 Registered: 5-2001 |
Oh Las. Please know that I am here for you. You are welcome to drink wine and eat meals with my crazy family too. xoxo Shh | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 418 Registered: 10-2003 |
WARNING: Herein splashed across this box lie the angry words of a soon to be widowed cat lady who is at this moment fvcking angry about the course of my life. Sure, there are a lot of things for which I can hate him. The multidude of (until recently) unfathomable betrayals, promises of all sizes broken (wedding vows come to mind), his new insistence that he ran away from home on my birthday because I refused to cancel local Passover plans to go to LA with him to visit his sister (whom neither of us had spoken to in nine years). But today, at what is likely the second to last time I will ever have to see him, he managed to sink lower than he has before. To start, there are my grandfather's saxophone and clarinet, which somehow ended up in his parents basement on Cape Cod, and have sat there for about 12 years. Today they became a bargaining chip. All I want to do is send them to N'Orleans so they can be used by someone who needs them. And he has no problem giving me back my instruments (stipulating I pay shipping of course), all he wants is a rug in return. Which brings me to what I like to refer to as 'Why the fvck am I even surprised?' He wants to take the rug from our cat! Yes, our cat's rug! I brought the rugs from my house to this stinking flat so the cats would know this was their home. My Sydney-cat loves this ugly, awkward rug and every day she rolls on it as if it were a long lost friend she is oh, so happy to see, and has done so for eight years. Until today. The rug is now rolled up in the trunk of my car, waiting to be exchanged at my attorney's office when she receives my granadfather's instruments. Even Steven. So he wanted to run away from home. And he did. But he only went to South Orange. So, although we are now divided roughly in half, I still have to fear bumping into him all over town, at his gym across from my apartment, on the train. He ran away, destroyed my life, and didn't even have the courage to go anywhere. And for those who have inquired, I asked him today if he was gay. He said yes, then he said no, then he reiterated that after I graduate school I can go back to my old job if health insurance is so important to me. | ||
| Virtual It Girl Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 3211 Registered: 5-2001 |
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| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1231 Registered: 8-2003 |
whoa Nelly! He IS gay? hmmm sounds like he's got lots of issues to deal with. Las, dear - if he can't be honest with himself, he will never EVER be honest with you. I am sorry he is being such an A-hole. You are right. He should go far far away. he is a sad person, one you are already infinitely better off without. I know this isn't about the rug, per se, and I know you know the cats will adjust because they are SO adaptable. You are adaptable too. Adapt to your new life with out this loser, without this LIAR. you deserve so much more, so much better. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 419 Registered: 10-2003 |
Whoa Nelly yourself Pippi-san! I don't know if he's gay - I asked, he said yes, he said no. I still know nothing about this person I loved for so long. But we'll be getting the sax and clarinet...tell Notehead I need him to get me an address! | ||
| Virtual It Girl Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 3212 Registered: 5-2001 |
Why would he say yes first? Then say no? It's unfair he lied to you, for whatever reason, for so long. I don't know why he's giving you such a hard time. The reasoning, at this point is secondary. HE is the one who decided on this life change. He should take responsibility. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 420 Registered: 10-2003 |
I only asked him if he was gay because a bunch of people have asked me. If it is a gay thing, I'm sure it wasn't intentional lying on his part. I have no love, not even like for him. I wish him only to live in the life he has created for himself and experience firsthand all the betrayal he has put upon me. I, miserable as I am currently, will have a much better life. Not because he left me, but in spite of it, because that's how I'm made. He will have to live with his actions forever. And that's a horrible thing for anyone to have to endure. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1233 Registered: 8-2003 |
Now you're talking! You sound so confident. Pissed off, but confident. Also vengeful. I like that. | ||
| sbenois Supporter Username: Sbenois Post Number: 13809 Registered: 10-2001  |
It's official: LAS' SOON TO BE FORMER HUSBAND IS A POOPYHEAD AWARD WINNER | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5367 Registered: 5-2001  |
I don't think he's gay. He can't be. We don't want him. We won't take him. BTW - I would've gotten some cat pee from the litter box, rubbed it into the rug & apologized profusely for Sammy's accident when I handed it over to him.  | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1815 Registered: 9-2003  |
What he is is a lying sack of shyt (which has nothing to do with sexual orientation). No yes/no about it. Signed, Yer Friend | ||
| Virtual It Girl Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 3213 Registered: 5-2001 |
Las, my brother has friends connected with the mob. Just gimme the sign and he's at the bottom of the Hudson River. Shh | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1235 Registered: 8-2003 |
why does that not surprise me? | ||
| Virtual It Girl Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 3216 Registered: 5-2001 |
It was a joke, I think.  | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 2375 Registered: 6-2001  |
Las, you've arrived! Congratulations. He's thrown the straw that broke the camel's back. You're done. It's so relieving, isn't it? For me at least, that moment was a revelation: I don't love him anymore because he never loved me, and I want him out of my life. Just think - he can suffer all his OCDs and identity turmoil, and you can luxuriate in yourself because you are an incredible person who is independent and strong and funny and fun. But a lightning strike from Heaven to the SOB would not be frowned upon. | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 421 Registered: 10-2003 |
I, miserable as I am currently, will have a much better life. Not because he left me, but in spite of it, because that's how I'm made. That sounds a bit righteous. No, I will continue to fool myself into believing it will get better some day. I will pretend to set my sights on altruistic causes that will convince others I am a good person, when in fact I am filled with anger and loathing. I had a really good life. I can't imagine it might be better than it was. ...And phony optimism is not appreciated. All the people who tried to convince me I had to have seen the signs, it takes two to ruin a relationship, etc., no one believed me when I said this had nothing to do with me. But I was right about that. I am right about this, too. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 2377 Registered: 6-2001 |
But, my dear, you are not alone in your anger and loathing. You don't hold it towards your friends. You don't hold it towards your co-workers. It's the idiot that left and the idiots in the news who make you crazy and yourself that you hold it against. It's the latter that has to stop. You did nothing wrong. You are a great person who deserves to be happy and should direct all energy to that goal. Happiness. I haven't arrived yet, but I'm a helluva lot closer. Our situations were quite different, however. But believing in yourself is essential. You know how to reach me. Hopefully soon. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1236 Registered: 8-2003 |
"I had a really good life. I can't imagine it might be better than it was. .. you may have had a really good life - but it was with a phoney and a fraud. Wouldn't it be nice to have an even better life with someone you LIKE better than that a-hole?? If not another man - then YOURSELF. you should love yourself, not be filled with loathing. you should see how far you've come and how much you've accompished, even when you thought the odds against you and when you've thought yourself worthless. think on that for a while... | ||
| Lizziecat Citizen Username: Lizziecat Post Number: 849 Registered: 5-2003 |
It really didn't have anything to do with you. Been there, seen that. Things happen. The thing is to have resources inside yourself, so that you can survive. You've got them. You're finding them. You will be happy again. Trust me. | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 9501 Registered: 1-2003 |
A wise friend of mine said, "If you really want to know a person, divorce him." | ||
| Eats Shoots & Leaves Citizen Username: Mfpark Post Number: 2283 Registered: 9-2001 |
Las. Ouch. As my therapist said to me during my divorce, there are no ways to sugar coat it--it sucks. There is no other way to put it. And Tom's words above are true, except that you know that the person you are divorcing is not the person you were married to. People change in a divorce, and it is the worst betrayal because their constancy was exactly what you used to rely on. Suddenly the lover who mirrored you in his eyes is now the stranger staring back at you from your own mirror. He is not the person you were in love with--not sure that makes it any easier to let go, but stay focused on that fact, on the fact that you cannot love this person sitting across the table from you even if you loved him in a previous incarnation. In a perverse way, it could make it more possible to divorce yourself from attachment to him--who would want to be in a relationship with a guy like that? Embrace your anger--it is necessary, it helps burn away ties to what was. Don't turn it on yourself, don't do anything destructive, but let yourself feel the anger and pain. It passes, or rather, it wanes, comes back, wanes again, returns a little less intense each time. The sadness and confusion remain, I think, but perhaps will not take center stage as you move on. Your new life won't be as good as your old life. It may be better, worse, or as good but in a different way. But it can't be the same because he ended that thread, and it was a thread that took two to make (even if only one was needed to break it). Knit a new life from other threads--there is no other way out, even though it can be hard and lonely. Good luck. It ain't fun, but this phase will soon be over. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5376 Registered: 5-2001 |
Anger and being a good person are not mutually exclusive, My Dear! You are a good person. Who is very, very pissed off. Qu'elle problem? |
