| Author | Message | ||
     SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2693 Registered: 9-2003 |
I'd say you've come full circle.... and I can't find the words and there's a tear streaming down my cheek ... such Blessings Greenie... such Blessings! (and yea, I know you don't believe, but I do.. and this is a Blessing with a capital B babe!) | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5836 Registered: 5-2001  |
Thanks, SOL. Didja notice what post # in this blog my Good News is? I didn't plan it, I swear. My teeny-tiny, scientist peabrain needs to ponder these series of coinky-dinks. Seeing as how I don't believe in fate and all.... | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1942 Registered: 9-2003  |
THAT IS FANTASTIC NEWS!!!! Now spread that good karma my way....!!! Congratulations! | ||
| CLK Supporter Username: Clkelley Post Number: 1598 Registered: 6-2002  |
Hey cynicalgirl ... I was thinking the same thing about the karma and all. This is the best thing I've heard in a long time. I'm bawling my eyes out (happy tears)! | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1943 Registered: 9-2003 |
I just told my husband about yer ma and he is VERY HAPPY for her. I think it kinda gives him hope, too...! | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 6585 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greenetree: What truly wonderful news. I am so happy for you, your mother and the rest of your family. | ||
| joy Citizen Username: Joy Post Number: 344 Registered: 5-2001 |
That is just so great! | ||
| wendy Supporter Username: Wendy Post Number: 1783 Registered: 5-2001 |
GREAT GREAT GREAT NEWS! YELLING? No....EXCLAIMING!!!!!!!!!! All good things to Greenie, Cyn and Debbie and all others who are dealing with these paramount issues. Have a lovely weekend all. Wendy | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 10609 Registered: 1-2003  |
I can scarcely believe that this was medically possible, but there it is. Wow. | ||
| sac Supporter Username: Sac Post Number: 2773 Registered: 5-2001 |
Wonderful news! Maybe we should let the medical experts know of the therapeutic benefits of blogging. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5838 Registered: 5-2001 |
Ya know, I was thinking the same thing, SAC. I think that if it weren't for MOL & Mom's Blog Friends (I hereby declare all loyal readers "FOM"), I would have strangled the •••• out of someone by now. Not to say that it still couldn't happen. Just not over this particular epoch. I first read Reingold's response at 6am when the Evil People insisted on waking me up to be fed. They are reincarnated Robber Baron-types. No recognition of weekends or time of rest after many long hours of work. They can only see enriching themselves, no matter the cost to others. But I digress...... This is such great news and I hesitate about what I'm about to post. But, more than one person has told me privately that Mom's battle has inspired them to quit or to try to quit. Last night, someone said to me that they knew that cancer is bad, but the nasty details posted here, in real time, was a rude awakening. So, there you have it. Do I go on to regale y'all with the next steps & mom's T-giving recipes? Sure, I will. Brain radiation, in and of itself, is a funny topic. We will definitely go there. And we never thought she'd be around for T-giving dinner, much less to cook it. But, but, but. For those who have followed mom's struggles and thought about how it impacts their own smoking behavior, I must tell the rest of the story. After all, we haven't lied to each yet, have we? So, before you think to yourself, "Hell, if Greenemom made it, maybe I can just cut down instead of quitting entirely", this is for you: Around 90% of breast cancer patients who achieve full response with treatment are alive and cancer free 5 years later. There is no 5-year survival rate for SCLC patients, because only about 20% of them make it to 3 years. Only 30% of SCLC patients are diagnosed at the limited stage (mom's stage). The average survival time for these guys who achieve full response is 18 months. Those who are diagnosed as extensive are about 9 months. 50% of limited patients who achieve remission will have a recurrance in the brain. I could go on, but you get the point. Now, given Mom's flair the dramatic and getting herself into unusual predicaments, she is quite likely to outlive her 40 y/o oncologist. I know that she gives her primary care doc heart failure on a regular basis. I'm not trying to be a drag here; I just know how hard it is to quit and that sometimes it is easier to think that maybe it isn't so bad if you don't. It is; if you've made it this far, keep going. OK - enough of that. We've got bigger problems on our hands. Mom is reluctant to do prophyactic WBRT (that's the fancy medical term for "preventative brain zapping") because...... She'll lose her hair again. And Normal Guy is ad-a-mant that I research the effects of chemo on hair color. He came to terms with mom's illness much more easily than the fact that her hair has grown back silver. He cannot believe that she's been deceiving us all these years with her brunette-ism. It just has to be the chemo that made it this color. She wouldn't have lied about such a thing. I pointed out to him that he, at the age of 38, has some gray. For some reason, this is irrelevent. And you thought that your family had issues..... | ||
| Lucy Supporter Username: Lucy Post Number: 1760 Registered: 5-2005  |
Greenie you inspired me with the ugly reality of cancer. You let us into the window of this killer that scars everyone around it. I stopped smoking thanks for your help but most of all you made us laugh and cry through your eyes. Only good Karma your way and prayers for you and yours...You are Hot!! | ||
| las Citizen Username: Las Post Number: 565 Registered: 10-2003 |
Warm, handknit, winter socks coming Greenemum's way! I promise you'll have them in time for the holidays. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5842 Registered: 5-2001 |
Thanks, guys. Mom's BF called this morning. She is a true Warrior. She beat breast cancer 15 years ago, has MS but rides her horse everyday, travels, etc. I also think that in another life, she was a drill sargeant. Now that your mom has beat this thing, she needs to get up and get going. No more sleeping in. She needs to build her strength up! Um, I was thinking of giving her a day or two before I started bugging her about that. Oh. Okay. I can't say anything negative about anyone in Mom's support system - each person has added something that has gotten us here. BTW - did I tell you that Mom made me & Baby Bro move her stupid exercise machine back out from under the dresser last weekend? The one that sticks out into the middle of the room 3 feet? The one that she hasn't used for 3 years? That was moved when she came home from rehab because she could barely walk to the bathroom? She isn't going to die from cancer; she's going to trip over the blasted thing, fall and crack her head open & bleed to death. It will be the most action the machine will have gotten while in her house. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22508 Registered: 6-2001  |
Greenie, I don't know how I missed out on this news, but it is truly miraculous. It's the news I've secretly hoping for. | ||
| Me2 Citizen Username: Me2 Post Number: 193 Registered: 6-2003 |
Perhaps it is the therapeutic benefit from so many readers of your blog (posters and lurkers alike) hoping/praying/focusing ... you had a lot of people pulling for you and your mom. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5856 Registered: 5-2001 |
TS and I went for a little jaunt to get apples today. Nice excuse for a ride, since we could have gone to Whole Foods. Halfway home, I felt like my head was going to explode. It all came crashing in at the same time; the enormity of the decisions to be made. Somehow, it doesn't seem fair. She's beaten the lung thing and now the stakes are even higher. Why, exactly, is that? Before, the choice was pretty much life or death. Now, it's life, death or brain death. You see, WBRT cooks your brain and you hope that it kills more hidden cancer cells than it does brian cells. I can't get the image of a chicken breast that's been defrosted in the microwave out of my head. Her biggest fear is losing her memory or cognitive capabilities. She tells me this as she is looking for the car keys that she can't find. When we got home, I did some writing. I felt the pressure in my head slowly deflating. This Blog has, indeed, saved my life. I talked to Normal Guy and Poptart Guy about getting plane tickets to escort Mom to and from Ohio for Xmas. She wants to fly alone. I know that the experts say to start WBRT as soon as possible. But, she wants to spend Xmas with her grandkids and nothing is going to stop her. The good thing here is that I know she is choosing her grandkids, even tho it puts her at a bit of a risk. You go, mom. Isn't that why we've gone thru all of this? I will go on with my interviews, even tho I am nervous about whether this is the right time to make a career move. Hell, if she can risk a brain tumor for one Xmas morning, I think I can risk a job change. Besides, it's not like it really matters all that much. Thanks to all of you busybodies, you have convinced me that my real passion is writing, so I don't really care all that much about succeeding in a new job. If my potential new employers are reading this and I screw up at my next gig, I just want all of you to know one thing: Everyone who has written something nice about how much they enjoy my blog, etc., etc. is getting a bill for their share of my mortgage payment.  It occurs to me that the main advantage of changing jobs within the same company is that I won't have to do another drug screen. I can forgo the Xanax and have some of SOL's brownies instead! | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1947 Registered: 9-2003 |
Whether we look at blogging as some weird asc prayer circle or an psychological outlet, it sure as hell works. I get the waiting till after Xmas thing -- is the radiation like a course of chemo, getting worse in its side effects as you go? Or different? I'll tell you what else is theraputic: painting, as in painting walls etc. I've been on a mission the last couple of weekends to make the basement habitable. First step awhile ago was clean it out. That took the better part of 2 days. The following weekend I Drylocked. Both days. Last weekend I did some stuff but not much (bad husband worry weekend). This weekend, I painted the hallway down the stairs, some drywalled areas, and the steps. During the week, coats 2 and 3 for the steps. Next weekend is lay this selfstick tile I had. My deadline is the Friday before Thanksgiving as my kid is having a sleepover part for 6 girls. I have a spaceheater -- though it's pretty warm down there -- and a dehumidifier, though it's quite dry and not really dank. I am making curtains for the casement windows out of some stuff I had, and furnishing with odd castoffs from around the house. The one thing I seek -- if any of you have one -- is an old single bed size mattress/box spring. Nobody has one on classified and I'm looking for cheap-cheap. It's just to make a sort of couch affair using her old bed spreadspread, matching pillows etc. We have an old tv, and an old DVD player so Ir eally have lots of stuff all in all. Anyway, and meanwhile, Curt is upstairs dozing a lot. He's shifting down from 50 mg Fentanyl patches to 25 as he was sick of being so sleepy. But, the transition is a bear as with any big drug. Who knew? This stuff apparently is sold illicitly as "China White" or something. Anyway, he's eating pretty good but dozing a lot. He's supposed to putting on weight and getting healthier prior to another PET scan (they're trying to move it up -- so far it's 12/8)) which will tell what the cancer is doing -- or not. This test will determine next chemo course, etc. I hope to hell it gets moved up, and that the results are ALL CANCER GONE!! As opposed to, say, still there or spread. Either way, I want news before Christmast. Last Christmas -- yes it's been a year since diagnosis -- was awful due to having just learned. I hope to hell this Christmas has better news. So, I make use of my time and stay close to home painting, painting, PAINTING!!! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5861 Registered: 5-2001 |
I have a couple hundred bulbs to get in. Every time I go out to pull up the garden, something is blooming. My dahlias are breathtaking. So, I can't bring myself to do it quite yet. Next weekend, no matter what..... the dahlias die. I started cleaning out the basement on Yom Kippur - I always do an atonement project. Since YK is only one day, it ain't done yet. I figure that I can do a little after work every night. Best laid plans of mice & men, blah, blah. It occurs to me, Cyn, that you are not being as efficient with resources as you could be. Sell the leftover Fent 50s & use the money to buy the boxspring! I lost a kitty 3 years ago & still had 3 remaining vials of her epo, with street values of $125 each. Fool that I was, I let them go bad & pitched them. What a waste... A year. Yikes. I'll bet it seems like longer. Life will always be Before and After. Ya know, if you take away the cancer thing, having a full time job of getting healthier and putting on weight ain't such a bad gig. I've been doing at least half that job for years. Just haven't figured out how to get paid for it.... | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1948 Registered: 9-2003 |
Yep. The only one paying him is....ME!!! Well, when I finish the durned forms and wait 3-5 mos for process presumably the gov will pay something. I can just see me, a middle aged white lady with bad hair hanging around a dark corner selling "China White." Actually, watching someone come off of this stuff, or down for now, is enough to make anyone never do anything like it for fun. I did recreational drugs in high school and a little of college, as did many of my cohort. But nothing like this. I googled on "fentanyl withdrawal" and came upon the most in-ter-esting web sites... | ||
| wendy Supporter Username: Wendy Post Number: 1790 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyn, I'll keep my eyes open for a spare twin mattress. Keep your electricity bills lower by turning off the dehumidifier. As far as I can tell, once the heat is on in the house, the need for a basement dehumidifier disappears. Feel free to double check this advice but I think it's valid. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1950 Registered: 9-2003 |
Yep, and we sure have the heat on. Mr. experiences cold strongly right now, so our usual thermostat wrangle (I like it cold, he hot) is intensified. He's got it on 74 when I come home from work and I'm gagging from it! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5872 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyn - does he have an electric blanket and a cat? I got mom a twin-sized one (blanket, not cat) so that she can wrap up in it while she's watching tv in her chair. The cat turned out to be value-added. So, mom is leaning towards not having her brain zapped. She had such a horrible experience with radiation before that she doesn't want to chance losing her mind. Although, I do keep reminding her that it's questionable as to how much of a personal risk this actually is for her. I understand her fear; not many people make it this far, so there aren't great stats available as to how long, how much, how bad the risk of cognitive loss is. And, most untenable to her is the complete lack of research on the number of people who permanently lose their hair. If she's gonna be a vegetable, she wants to be a cute vegetable. I reminded her that there is a risk for everything and that around the time of my birth, there was a 3-5% chance that she would die in child birth. Yet she chose to do that 4 times. She once again expressed reluctance to accept a plane ticket to Chicago as a Xmas gift from all of us. "You've done so much already. I hate to see you spend your money. Besides, I'd really like to have a stick blender for making soup". "Mom, after all we've been through as a family this past year, I think that I can honestly speak for both the boys and myself when I say that it brings a tear to my eye that you would choose a kitchen appliance over your children". I bought the ticket. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1952 Registered: 9-2003 |
He's got his cat, and a fleet of fuzzy and polartec blankets which are his preferred strategy. Also a heating pad! I hear you on absence of research. We're a little bit in the same boat in that until very recently, few survived as long as Curt has. It is hard, then, to say what l-t prognosis is. Going where no wo/man has gone before ad all that... | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5874 Registered: 5-2001 |
PL me if you want me to do any additional research. The most useful thing in my job right now is access to stuff that the general public can't get to. Sorry you can't use my childbirth analogy with Curt.  | ||
| Eats Shoots & Leaves Citizen Username: Mfpark Post Number: 2541 Registered: 9-2001  |
Somehow I am sure he feels like he has gone through a very long, hard labor. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1953 Registered: 9-2003 |
OK, tiny freak-out to follow... So. Tomorrow I gotta call in fake sick (I believe I'll have a strained something from painting the cellar stairs) to take Curt to his PET scan. Yep, misunderstanding on the schedule. And, before then I have to get him pasted together to do it. Came home and he was sweating and miserable. Hadn't eaten all day. Withdrawal from Fentanyl 50 to 25. Too, too much for him in current condition. It was awful to come home and see. He can't do this right now. So, just pasted a 50 on him and getting stuff into him. Later, a bottle of Barium. So, tomorrow is fake sick. Wed and Thur in NYC for a conference. Next Monday, leave early for follow up with onco on results of PET. PRAY! THat is an order. Or, sacrifice something. Either way. Meanwhile, the pediatrician gave us a 3:45 Tue next appointment for flu shot for kid. No can do in light of all this other fake sick so will have to call and explain to med office personnel that in light of all this cancer stuff and holding a job I really need something that works better. Because, after all, I need to call out fake sick next Thur (for Curt and me flu shots) and to finish stuff in basement for kid party. That is, assuming some other freakin' health disaster doesn't pop up. I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS. He is too weakly as a result of the patch thing for me to ask anyone else to take him tomorrow. I am trying to get to the laughing place, the top of the mountain where I look across and say "this too shall pass" before I pass out from STRESS!!!!!! And Curt looks at me when I'm all frenetic and teary and says "what's the mattter hon, I'm not dying it's just the patch." Oh, the secrets I keep from him, the true awfulness sometimes of just freakin' getting by. YIKES!!!! | ||
| sac Supporter Username: Sac Post Number: 2794 Registered: 5-2001 |
Will the pediatrician let a non-parent bring the kid for the flu shot with some kind of advance arrangment on your part? If so, I or one of your other MOL chaffeurs might be able to do that one ... particularly if it was someone who also takes their kid(s) to the same practice, perhaps? | ||
| wendy Supporter Username: Wendy Post Number: 1798 Registered: 5-2001 |
Great idea sac. Cyn, find out if your daughter is ok with that. Then call the practice group and TELL them (as opposed to asking them) that someone else is bringing your child to get their shot. You will, of course, provide a note to the effect that so and so has your permission to act on your behalf as you are unavailable to do so. Pretty much what some lucky parents have smartly done when they've gone on vacation without kids and left them in the care of friends or relatives. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1955 Registered: 9-2003 |
May have to, ladies. I'm gonna first try change of time as I think my kid feels a tad neglected on the medical front owing to time spent on her father. I'd prefer not to have to get a substitute, but that may be the way to go. | ||
| kmk Supporter Username: Kmk Post Number: 803 Registered: 5-2001 |
Or can the regular doctor give the whole family flu shots next Thursday. "It's a family affair-air........" | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5880 Registered: 5-2001 |
Or see if your doc will give Cynkid hers with you & Curt. Ya know, a nice little family jaunt? Try this visualization technique: sit quietly in a dark place. Breathe in & out. Again. Picture floating lightly across the floor. Open the fridge door. Lay head on a shelf. Feel the soothing coolness. Now, this part will take lots of visualization if you are as out of shape as me: Bang the door against your head, screaming the following: It's not "just the cancer", it's not "just the withdrawal", it's not "just the flu shot", it's "not, it's "not" it's "not. Take another deep breath and open your eyes. There. Isn't that better, even if just for a second? | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1956 Registered: 9-2003 |
kmk and greenetree: Tried that. Almost got into telephonic fisticuffs with the pediatrician's office. It quickly became a cluster, even though the kid is 5' tall, etc. Yeah, banging my head sounds like a pleausre at the this point. Much better this a.m. Now that the 50 has kicked in he's not a mess. Took first bottle of barium last night. Just e-mailed in my "plumbing emergency" excuse for working at home. As my one-time alcoholic, odd, brilliant, gay, British tax accountant Martin used to tell me, "It's all about creating the image, the portrait that the authorities want to see. It all has to hang together in an acceptable way." So true. Especially with work, as well as the IRS. If the portrait is of a stressed out, middle aged woman with too many family responsibilities looking for some slack: bad image and too much risk. If it's of a one of the guys, fellow hard-charging manager with a household emergency the guys can relate to: perfectly acceptable. Three of my mail colleagues do this brilliantly, including the boss. One of the others is a vampire who lives at work and is really weird, The other is a single man with no issues other than that his back goes out for whole weeks at a time. All acceptable. Me with my cancer and caretaking? Not so good. So, I'll lie. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5883 Registered: 5-2001 |
On a good, windy day, it's a terrible thing when the neighbor's tree blows down across your driveway and you can't get out. That one goes for days - the chain saw guys don't get there until afternoon to cut you out and you can't leave with that live power line across your yard. Then, while your car was luckily not majorly damaged, you'll need a few hours within the next week or so to go to the body shop, estimate, pick it up, drop it off, etc. While it's a one-shot deal, the tree thing can stretch for weeks if you play it right. And screw the pediatrician's office; it's your big girl doc who needs to agree to give Cynkid the shot. | ||
| Brett Citizen Username: Bmalibashksa Post Number: 2005 Registered: 7-2003 |
I never posted here but have come across the occasion to do so. My Aunt (Crazy Aunt K from my blog) has cancer. I don’t know the specifics but last Monday she gave up on the treatments, signed a bunch of paper work and began what the Hospice people called her “Journey” So her daughter is in charge of the morphine drip trying to keep her mother comfortable, the have drugged the dog and he is lying at the bottom of the bed, her son standing next to her. Here is where it gets weird. They read her Last Rites on Sunday night, her husband booked the funeral home for Wednesday, and my other uncle has written the Obituary just leaving the date blank, and contacted the news paper to run the Obit. They have ordered flowers and talked with a caterer. They sat with her last night and went through pictures and enjoyed happy memories. One problem, she’s not dead yet. She’s still fighting, and has no intention of going any place or so it seems. It’s Tuesday, but they have all intentions of having a viewing at 2pm on Wednesday. I understand the family being prepared but COME ON!!! | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1958 Registered: 9-2003 |
actually, greenetree, SMG is doing this rotating clinic thing where it's not actually the doc. Lockstep appointments and so on. Brett, that stinks. I'm so sorry. Yes, being prepared is one thing, but that sounds relatively bizarre -- unless the docs/hospice know something they're not saying. No one can predict when a person willl die, certainly not to that extent. Good grief. | ||
| Tom Reingold Supporter Username: Noglider Post Number: 10662 Registered: 1-2003 |
Brett, I actually understand the impulse to do that, but I think it's unthinkable to actually carry it out. So I'm with you. Sheesh. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 1959 Registered: 9-2003 |
I got the flu shot for next Friday. YAY! One of the 2 fake sick days I need to take next week. As the Ellen DeGeneres fish in Finding Nemo says "Keep on swim-ming, swim-ming..." | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 6601 Registered: 5-2001 |
Bret: What a brilliant strategy to get your aunt to start fighting her cancer. I hope it works. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 5884 Registered: 5-2001 |
Brett- OK. I have a confession to make. I got hysterical when I read your post. I am very sorry for what you are going thru, but my mind also went other places. As in, did anyone in the family recently get into trouble with a loan shark & suddenly up your aunt's life insurance policy? Sorry - that was quite tasteless. Although not as tasteless for me wondering when the hell GMF will finally drop dead so that mom will be taken care of. Cyn - I'm glad it all worked out in the end. But, if you have another problem with SMG, call the Ombudsman's office & explain that you just need a little flexibility. They like to help out with this type of stuff. |
