| Author | Message | ||
     greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6480 Registered: 5-2001  |
Not much. When I called the doctor was in with her. He is "supposed to call me". They never do; I have to chase them down and the office is closed today. But, she was seen by the on-call doc in her oncologist's office, which is good. I'm a little worried because when I called back, the nurse answered the phone & said I should give a call later. She said mom was being feisty, which is a good thing, but I am not sure why she didn't want to get on the phone. Don't know if she's a little depressed because she's there or if the doctor said something that scared her. When I talked to her last night, at least she was joking (kind of) with me. I'm mad at you. I know. No, really. I'm mad at you. I know. Really. It's your fault I'm here. So? Well, I don't want to be here. So? I've invested too much time in you getting better to let you keel over in your chair because you don't want to go to the doctor. So, I'll call back in awhile and let you know. I need to figure out when I'm going to go. Now, because she's in danger or when she is due to be released to help her out her first few days home. GMF called this morning to tell me that she called and spoke to the nurse who told her that mom was eating and then going to take a nap. She is to call back later. Fortunately, I got to the nurse first and told her that, no matter what, GMF is always to be told that mom is doing great and is sleeping. I have the sinking feeling that I am going to get these phone calls all day long. And GMF uses phone cards, so it comes in as "unavailable" or all kinds of crazy numbers on Caller ID. Therefore, I must answer every call. And the beat goes on. Off to clean the basement. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6481 Registered: 5-2001 |
BTW, Debby, I love the quilt idea. I wonder how many bazillion dollars it would cost me to have things like that made, since I can barely sew on a button. | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 2158 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greene - I have no idea what people charge, but I know that there are definitely professional quilters/seamstresses who provide such services. They advertise in the back of quilting magazines. Based on our friendship and common history I would love to offer to do it for you, but I am the most ADD quilter there is, and I have projects backed up for years (not exaggerating). Really, check out the quilting magazines, or even e-bay. There are people who do this professionally, and have reasonable turnaround times. | ||
| Joan Supporter Username: Joancrystal Post Number: 6863 Registered: 5-2001 |
Greenetree: If you are serious about this (having a memory quilt made), why not start a related thread in Please Help? With all the quilters on the message board who live right here in the area, it should be relatively easy and fun to get a quilting bee together to make the memory quilt. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6483 Registered: 5-2001 |
Well, we'll see. Not time for that yet and certainly not top of the list. I finally got mom on the phone. She is very exhausted and sleeping a lot. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2164 Registered: 9-2003  |
Basement cleaning is tres therapeutic. That's how ours got done this fall, and the my other DYI painting down there. Good call! Hope the news from the front is good in terms of antibiotics and what not for the pneumonia. Fun never stops, does it? In this part of the world, Curt and I talked about how he seemed a bit detached and depressed. Rather, I brought it up last night. Now, he's not chatty on a good day and eye contact is not what he does (I think it's some kinda yankee farmer thing as my dad was the same way). He said he agreed, and we both noted that it started when he got the temporary "all clear" in November regarding cancer. Sure, you'd expect him to be all excited, right? Except that he still doesn't feel great, there's more chemo to come, the neuralgia or what have you in his back. The 50 mg Fentanyl is being fine so maybe in a week or so he can move down to 25 -- if the pain guy is getting the back under control. But also (having read up this some) just the sinking in of it all. On top of that, he's home all day by homeself, watching the Military Channel, or the History Channel, or similar. Anyway, now he's got some OT. We went shopping today (Linens n Things, Target) and bought a crock pot so I want him to determine some of the weekly meals and use it. He kinda likes to cook, and I do think he needs occupation, needs to feel involved. This is where my usual harshness is actually useful, but I need to bring it back a bit so he WILL get up and do things. What I really long for is him to get well enough to drive again. If we can get even a modest amount of disability to get over the NJ hump, if he could take over kid ferrying, doc appointments etc. it would be a different world. I am SO tired of doing it all. 'Course I'm glad he's here at all, don't get me wrong. But I need to keep pushing him to whatever action he can take -- and I do think it would be good for him. Won't make the mistake of planning ahead, though. That never does these days.... | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6484 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyn - is it possible that he's depressed because, after all this and the Big Victory, he can't quite get that sneaky little Ghost of Cancer Future from under his feet? I felt that way. TS and I even had a fight about it. Can't you be happy for even 10 minutes? I'm trying; I just can't seem to put aside the thought that we can't get off this train. I had a really rough day yesterday. I realized that I certainly don't want my mom to die, but I just don't know if I can do this anymore. Part of it is my insecurity about my job, my concern for the stress on my relationship. The fact that I need to figure out what I want to do with my life and can't get the breathing space to do it. You know. The same things that anyone else in my situation goes thru (and worse if they have children) but feels like it's only happening to them. I don't quite have the emotional energy to deal with today's saga. Short version: may be pneumonia from the scar tissue but also may be tumor recurring. If scar tissue, caused the pneumonia. Dimished lung capacity. Treatment is procedure to implant radioactive beads into scar tissue (3 times). Doctor not sure they'd do chemo right now if tumor regrowth. Fainting and confusion over weekend most likely due to dehydration, fever and low blood sugar from pneumonia. Talked to mom 4 times today; keeps calling because she feels like ••••, has trouble breathing, terrible indigestion and is scared out of her mind. Blah, blah, blah. Oh - have also played out sympathy card with Boss. Told her about hospitalization and may need to go to OH next week unless turn for the worse. Response? This paper is Very Important To Us. "This Paper" being something that got dumped on me the week before the holidays when the consultant hired to manage the project quit to take a job in Belgium. Forwarded me 700 pages of documentation and statistical analyses & said "I'm in the country another week if you have any questions". Here's an idea: you stay here and finish your comittment and I'll move to Belgium. My cell phone doesn't work in Europe, so that would be really cool. Remember my agita in November over the chat I had my boss and VP about how bad a fit my present job is? And I was interviewing for some internal positions? Well, none of them panned out because a compound got killed and I was suddenly competing with several people who have been here for years and actually have been doing things in the company that highlight their skill set. But, see, I'm not one to blame others. Sure, the one job for which I was supposedly a shoe-in and really wanted was disappointing. But, I got to talking with a couple people and found out that another VP in my department has a need for someone with my skill set. Problem is, they need someone who knows the business side and can bring the scientific piece into marketing development. That's me. They also need a heavy-duty SAS programmer. Not me. Oh, I can do it. Used to do it. But, paid my dues in the business. Hate it. Don't want to do it anymore and won't do it. So, I approach the other VP and we discuss my working with his team. I make my position on programming very clear, because I do not want to mislead anyone. He says "great, I'll talk to the Big Cheese VP". The Big Cheese VP says no, we need a programmer. But this is not a problem. Greenetree and the VP are both solution-oriented. The VP will talk to my VP about me helping out with a project. I get to prove myself, the VP gets help with the pile on his desk and my boss and current VP don't have to worry about finding things for me to do, seeing as I've dragged the minutiae out as long as possible. Win-win, right? I do the Correct Thing. I tell my boss this morning about the conversation with the other VP, remind her that we'd agreed a month ago or more that my skills were not a fit for the position and that this would be a chance for me to prove myself doing something else and for her to Help Me As Much As She Can, just as she'd promised. Oops - didja hear that sound? That was the brakes on my career here in this Fine Institution Which Prides Itself on Employee Development as it crashes into a brick wall. Seems I can find another position in another Operating Company, but not in this one. And especially not in this department. I watched as her lips moved and her tongue rolled against the roof of her lips as she actually uttered the words: We can't lose your FTE. But! cries Greenetree, You won't. I will help with projects. You keep the FTE. I know you want to get out of here, but it would be problematic to lose the headcount. I don't want to get out of here. I just want to have a job that is fulfilling and allows me to use my strengths. You aren't even giving me any work to do. The discussion went back to the Very Important Paper. After which she returned to her online bill payment for the side business she runs with her husband. Un-friggin-believable. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2171 Registered: 9-2003 |
Does everyone know what an a-hole she is? Will it help if this other VP talks to her? Sounds like you're a bit in a waiting place. Like you didn't know that. Sounds like within a few days you'll know what's up with yer ma. Were I you, I'd resist the temptation to think about everything at once (career moves, mother's health) and just focus on the next 2 weeks. Things will be clearer at the other side of it, but you can't have so many hot burners at once. I get frustrated with not having much of a time horizon, and fear looking down the road (for fear that the road will rise up to me and crash into my face). That's definitely when the basement cleaning kicks in. Yeah, the ghost of cancer future is every present and that's part of it -- along with the weather, it being January and all the tedium of things. The trip out to the stores was quite good for him, and for me. I really, really want hime to get strong enough, etc. to drive. I know it would make a huge difference. Good freakin' luck. When do they anticipate knowing something a tad more conclusive? | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6487 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyn - that's the point. She's turned out to be an A-hole in the kindly, absent-minded professor's clothing. Did I tell you that I found out she lied to the Big Cheese VP when I was hired? I came here to learn a specialty, which I told every person with whom I interviewed. BCVP was told I was a specialist to justify my hiring. Talk about being set up for failure! We kind of know, but not really, that it's scar tissue. But, it is impeding her breathing and she has lost lung capacity. I fear that she will end up on a breathing aparatus, even tho no one has mentioned it. The one good thing is that her new radiation oncologist listens. I must have put the fear of god into him, because he had the nurse call me today to ask my permission to talk to my mother about the bronc radiation procedure tomorrow. I got to ask all the questions and explain everything to her. I learned in my case management days that so much fear could be minimized if the patient knew what to expect, even just going in to talk to the doctor. I think it helped her; she agreed to keep an appointment with him tomorrow and he promised to call me afterward to tell me how the conversation went. On a different note, I just want to let people know how wonderful your PLs are. It is amazing what strength, poignancy and perspective you all bring to the table. Some choose to share openly, some privately. But you are all the best. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2173 Registered: 9-2003 |
Lordy, it's always the flitty ones that are the most dangerous, isn't it. Give me a straight up, harsh bugger any day of the week. At least you don't have to guess what they're up to. Good, dammed luck with it. Have a new career possibility for us. Somehow a cross between that Nanny 911 show, Extreme Makover and How Do I Look? We go into people's healthcare crisis and sort it out. Take names, bring in the experts, fix it all in 60 minutes. Queer Eye for the Sick Guy? I dunno. But I do think we're uniquely qualified and probably have complementary skill sets. Plus I'm tall an old and you're not so that we give visual variety. Lab coats, cool shades, jeans, boots. Whaddya think? | ||
| Lizziecat Citizen Username: Lizziecat Post Number: 1010 Registered: 5-2003 |
You know, Cynical, that isn't a joke. There is a real need for health care ombudsmen. Maybe you've just hit on something that could fill a huge void. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2175 Registered: 9-2003 |
Totally practical question: By any chance, are any of you available this Thursday, Jan 5th to drive Curt to the doc? It's a short trip for someone who is available. Warren Rd just off Parker to Millburn Ave just off Valley. The appointment is at 5:45 so he'd need to be picked up about 5:30. I can meet him there but my train won't get me in (with picking up the kid) until 6:10. If you can, pls PL me. I'm trying, during the first month of the new year, to minimize my time away from work to keep up my work rep. I already had to put in to take a day off in 2 weeks to take kid in for braces, and I already have a morning next week where I have to bring him in to the oncologist. Yeah, I feel like I have to explain myself all over the place. No sweat if no one can, no apologies needed. It's just hell while he can't drive. Thanks... | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2176 Registered: 9-2003 |
Got a ride! Thank you SoOrLady!!! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6495 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyn - whew! I was going to PL you that I could actually do it but was waiting for TS to confirm the time of her appointment. Turns out to be a conflict so I'm glad it's taken care of. I like the idea of parlaying this into a career. I must, however, wear platforms, since I have a 28" inseam and jeans with flats make me look very dumpy. The big problem I see is that most people who would need our help don't have a lot of money and I can't see insurance covering our services. I feel very noble and want to help mankind, but I also want to pay the mortgage. We really need to think about the book. How hard can it be? Write something, get on Oprah & the rest will be tropical island history. Then Curt won't have to drive. Just saunter down to his beach chair. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2177 Registered: 9-2003 |
Oh, I hear you on the money. I'm joking, largely, cuz obviously I need to make money. I just do think it's funny that the "case mgt" happens on the piece of the equation that's least likely to fully deliver (e.g. the medical insurer). Kind of like being a house buyer and using the seller's realtor and attorney. If it were an epistolary novel, we could just download the stuff from here and edit. If it turns into a movie, I think Frances McDorman could play me, though she's a little on the short side. My inseam is 34". | ||
| Eats Shoots & Leaves Citizen Username: Mfpark Post Number: 2799 Registered: 9-2001  |
I am sure there are plenty of cancer patients and families that would be glad to be interviewed by you. You can select the best stories, do a chapter on each, including your own stories, and sell it with a portion of the proceeds (net of cabana fees and margharita costs) going to establish an endowed chair at Einstein Medical for patient advocacy. You should have enough stories to make it a continuing series, which means you can make it into an annuity stream for yourselves and your families. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6498 Registered: 5-2001 |
So, any editor-types out there who want to help us get started? OK -since you called Frances first, you get her. Good choice. Reese Witherspoon wouldn't be believable as me. Janeanne Garafalo is more like it; can be cute when she tries and warped as hell. I think she's a bit young, but we can just adjust my age for the screen play. Shirley McClaine (sp?) would play Greenemom and Faye Dunaway will have to reprise her role as Joan Crawford playing GMF. Maybe Whoopi for TS. I'll have to check with her. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2178 Registered: 9-2003 |
Curt could be Tom Conti or Al Pacino. Looking for shortish, skinny, with world weary eyes. I like Janeanne Garafolo for you! She is cute! I mean, I wish I could say Uma Thurman for me but that would be way too fictional. My kid could be Lindsey Lohan when she was a kid, like in the remake of The Parent Trap. Not red hair/freckles, but mood and then tomboyishness. Look, you should see Rumor Has It if only for SHirley McClaine in it. I do like Mark Ruffalo, but it really was a tad lame as movies go. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6506 Registered: 5-2001 |
Mom's cousin just called me. I'm so upset - I just spoke to your mother and she tells me that the cancer is in her esophagus? I hadn't heard that; she had an appointment with radiation about an hour ago to discuss treating the scar tissue. I think it's pneumonia. Call me when you know something. OK. I call my mom. She is very, very upset. Barely speaking, beyond crying. I need a new word because "demoralized" doesn't cut it here. I ask her how the appointment went. She says "they think it's back but you know that". No, I didn't. I haven't talked to any doctors today. I thought that they were going to treat scar tissue? They think it's both. I'm going to wake up with a tube. - insert severe coughing fit here- I'm hanging up. She's angry at me; I can tell. I know not to take it personally. She's been pretty accusatory all week. I have failed her. I've made it better a gazillion times and promised that she would get thru it a zillion more. I know that I do not actually have this power and I know that she knows this as well. But it is easier to be mad at me. I understand this, as well as I understand that I have no concept of the hell the next few days? weeks? months? will be. She does not anyone near her right now. Understandably. I sit with my hand on the phone, ready to make another call after we hang up. But, there is no one to call. I have no definitive information and need to speak to the doctor first. I have no idea what I am actually feeling right now. So, I type. I tell you all. Because I need to do something. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1593 Registered: 8-2003  |
I am so sorry, GT. If you are looking for things to do, MY basement is a frikkin' mess. Please, I am happy to help. In all seriousness, I am sure everyone who knows your mother (including those of us who don't) wishes they had "the power". I know I do. I've been wanting to tell you about the last great family gathering before my dad passed away. I thought about it when I read of your time over the holiday, with your mom and her grandkids, and the laughter and tears. 4 months before my father passed away, my sister and her kids and I spent a glorious week in florida with my parents. It was magical, it was special. It was a miracle. {sidebar: we knew my dad has come out of remission, we didn't know how bad. He started failing about a month and a half after we had our fabulous week} You will remember this time for all the beautiful reasons you should - not the least of which is that your mom was there to experience it I hope the next few days/weeks/months are not as difficult as you anticipate - for either you or your mom. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2180 Registered: 9-2003 |
Oh, Christ. I'm sorry to hear this. It sucks to be sitting there this evening with no way to get real information. Fukk. | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2868 Registered: 9-2003 |
Greenetree - I'm really sorry to read this- and it sucks that you can't just be there in an hour or two so she can yell at your in person. Hang in - we're with you in spirit. | ||
| wendy Supporter Username: Wendy Post Number: 1931 Registered: 5-2001 |
Cyn and Pippi summed it up for me. My kindest and bestest thoughts are with you and your mom. I feel honored to be reading your blog and all the contributions to it, now more so than ever. | ||
| Debby Citizen Username: Debby Post Number: 2161 Registered: 5-2001 |
I sent you a PL with my numbers. Please call even if you don't have any new or definitive information - sometimes ya just gotta talk. Thinking about you and your Mom in the biggest possible way. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6510 Registered: 5-2001 |
Disclaimer: The following is not in any way shape or form directed at MOLers. Dear Family Members, Friends of Moms and Other Concerned Persons, I don't know. Stop calling me. I have no idea. Yes, I will call you when I speak to the doctor. Oh, you think that I need to think about how to care for her when she is released? Hmmm. Thanks for telling me that. Wouldn't have thought of it on my own. Can't tell you how incredibly helpful that was. Yeah - I know I should be there. I apologize for being so incredibly selfish because, after almost a year, my job is on the line. Did I tell you that I snapped at my boss last night? When I mentioned that I would need to go to Ohio next week but would make sure that the Very Important Report gets out. How will I do that? Don't worry; I managed to run a world-wide project in 26 countries last Spring when all this was going on, didn't I? Why am I not coming in this weekend? I am so terribly, terribly sorry. You see, my partner has been on disability for two months and has a rheumatologist appointment on Friday to see if anyone can figure out what is actually wrong. We haven't had a real diagnosis in all this time. You don't mind if I pay a little attention to my life partner, do you? Sincerely, I know that you are upset, but today, please bite me. | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 2548 Registered: 12-2004  |
You're a good person, Greenetree, and you always do your best. Definately let them "bite you" today! | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6513 Registered: 5-2001 |
Thanks, All. It's baaack. The tuuuuumooooor in the luuuuuung. OK -perhaps tasteless, but I am trying to get the "Poltergeist" effect across here. | ||
| Pippi Supporter Username: Pippi Post Number: 1599 Registered: 8-2003 |
UGH I am really sorry. what else can I say? | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 2870 Registered: 9-2003 |
.kcuF (Hold up to mirror) I'm really sorry Greenie. If you need to go out there - I can shuttle any after work hours Dr. appointments. I can pick up TS by 5:15 (except today - doing a Curt shuttle today). | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2182 Registered: 9-2003 |
Man that blows (like you didn't know). So, more blasting w/chemo/radiation? Believe me, I'm presently in dread of similar for Curt as we begin "the new year." | ||
| Meandtheboys Citizen Username: Meandtheboys Post Number: 2549 Registered: 12-2004 |
So, so sorry Greenetree. I'm home during the day and may be able to help out TS if it's needed. PL me if you like. | ||
| joy Citizen Username: Joy Post Number: 373 Registered: 5-2001  |
that just sucks. | ||
| wendy Supporter Username: Wendy Post Number: 1934 Registered: 5-2001 |
What a f***in bummer. I feel horrible for you, your mom, TS, your family. To be on such a high and then this. I hope the course of treatment is as successful as the last one. My thoughts are totally with you. | ||
| Virtual It Girl Citizen Username: Shh Post Number: 3742 Registered: 5-2001 |
GT, I am numb today myself. It just seems so unfair. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6514 Registered: 5-2001 |
Thanks, guys. Fortunately (?), my boss just had a mini-meeting with me to let me know that she is holding me hostage with my mother's health and is going to screw me good. So, instead of feeling sad and depressed, I am pissed off and ready to kick some •••. GT does not take kindly to being backed into a corner. It makes her bite. Hard. And not in a "ooo baby, drip some more candle wax on me" way. I will not only leave teeth marks. I will tear skin. Cyn was right. Never let 'em know what's going on in your personal life. You can't be executed with evidence they don't have. I will give you more details later because, frankly, I'd rather talk about that right now. "Pissed" is much, much better. | ||
| bets Supporter Username: Bets Post Number: 22634 Registered: 6-2001  |
I hate major corporate arseholes and I'm in a foul mood! Let me at her! | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2183 Registered: 9-2003 |
To paraphrase Jack: "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" That's the truth of corporate arseholes. | ||
| Cynicalgirl Citizen Username: Cynicalgirl Post Number: 2184 Registered: 9-2003 |
...don't let her rape you in a quiet corner of the corporation. I don't know how it works where you work, but even the lamest HR dept should be called in if she starts running a number. Do damage control with the other, friendly VPs. Isolate this she-byatch and control the story so she can't find you in a dark alley. Trust me. Generally the rotten women mgrs are worse than the rotten men mgrs on this stuff. Plus, you'll have the fun of the espionage to save yourself (cast as Little Nell) while isolating her. | ||
| sac Supporter Username: Sac Post Number: 3010 Registered: 5-2001 |
Rotten female managers are the worst. (My observation is that they are mostly childless and often single ... so they have no clue!) At least most of the men have seen what their spouses and/or daughters deal with. Sad but true. | ||
| greenetree Supporter Username: Greenetree Post Number: 6516 Registered: 5-2001 |
I'd have to say rotten managers suck no matter what. Women are held to different standards in the workplace (yes, even in 2006) and some don't handle it as well. The singularly most psychotic boss I ever had was male. Anywho..... Things with mom not so much good. Talked with her oncologist last night. We are at the point where she can try more chemo but he would not question the decision not to treat. Lots of stuff going on in my head and in my family. Had the first fight with a sib over this; Poptart Guy hung up on me. I waited 10 minutes and called him back. We both knew it wasn't about our silly disagreement. We spent a few minutes just talking about life, death, decisions. Baby Bro called me this morning, asking questions. It's the most engaged he's been. He and Poptart Guy both want mom to choose more chemo. I don't know what I think; I am afraid of her going thru what she did and not having it turn out so well this time. I only said to them that I wouldn't be mad at her if she decided to let go. Normal Guy didn't know any of this. He was on vacation this week and we decided to let him be. He knew mom had pneumonia and was in the hospital and maybe her cancer was back. I had to tell him this morning. The hardest thing was when I talked to her last night. She pointedly asked me if I had talked to the doc and what he'd said. I tried to brush over it, mostly because I wasn't ready, but she said "Don't give me a reason to start mistrusting you now". So I told her. A nurse came into her room and she had to get off the phone. I wonder what she thought, if she slept, if she feels alone. But, there is good news: by waiting to book a plane ticket until I talked to the doc, I spent $114 round trip instead of $200. And who said Geico was just a commercial? BTW - The boss has been neutralized. I will be working on someone else's project one day a week. I will pay hell for it, and I may have gotten in over my head, but I am giving myself a chance. Can't wait for my next one on one with her next Tuesday. |
