| Author | Message | ||
     vor Citizen Username: Vor Post Number: 132 Registered: 9-2003 |
My soon to be teenage daughter is asking for a cell phone for her birthday. (She asked for one last birthday and this past Christmas). I don't believe this is in her best interest, but everyone of her friends (and I do mean every last one of them) have cell phones. I just don't get this. I can only foresee trouble giving a cell phone to a 13 year old. It's tough enough supervising our children without giving them the tools to get into more trouble. I trust my daughter, but she is only 13 (almost) and doesn't need any more temptations then those that already exist. We will resist and get her something else for her birthday (which will disappoint her). However, I'm curious to know from those of you who let your middle school age kids have cell phones (or even high schoolers for that matter) why you think they are appropriate at this age. | ||
| ReallyTrying Citizen Username: Reallytrying Post Number: 251 Registered: 1-2003 |
We have kids in grades 7, 9 and 11. They get a cell phone upon middle school graduation. For HS kids, esp. those active in sports or other things, it's important that they be reachable. I will say, though, that, in an effort to avoid Jayson Blair-type misrepresentations, when the kids say they're at so-and-so's house at night, I make them call me from the house phone. Call me suspicious. | ||
| Spare_o Citizen Username: Spare_o Post Number: 5 Registered: 9-2003 |
I don't have children but my brother and sister-in-law who live in Kansas each have cell phones and will give one of them to my niece (age 14) when their calling plan has free air time. They have free long distance which allows my niece to keep in touch with grandma #1 in Oklahoma, grandma #2 in California and various other relatives and friends across the country. This also allows the parents to keep track of my niece when she is out with friends. vor, I understand your concerns but this seems like a possible compromise that doesn't cost any additional money. | ||
| Tom Reingold Citizen Username: Noglider Post Number: 1819 Registered: 1-2003  |
It's a double edged sword. It has been very handy for my girls to have phones. My younger one got one a year ago at the age of 11. She has trouble remembering to keep it with her and keeping it charged, but she's getting better. And making sure she doesn't rack up extra charges has been difficult for the older one. One month, she used up hundreds of dollars for text messages, not air time. It took her months to pay that debt off. But I made her pay it. We have a family plan with T-Mobile. It's $70/month for the first two phones and $10/month for each additional one. We have 800 minutes per month among all of us. Calling to another T-Mobile phone, including someone in the family is free and unlimited. We have free weekend minutes but no free night minutes. The girls pay the $10/month out of their own money, which is almost unfair of me, since I require them to carry their phones so I can call them easily. The phones themselves were free, or rather included with the contract. So as you see, this is NOT a big expense, unless your daughter can't control herself, which is a real possibility. Tom Reingold the prissy-pants There is nothing | ||
| Waldo Citizen Username: Discowaldo Post Number: 24 Registered: 12-2003 |
Is there any way that you can have a plan that shuts off or doesn't allow calls to be made or recieved after you have used up all your minutes? I realize that going over your minutes is probably the way that wireless companies make a good chunk of their money, but I'm just curious. | ||
| Brett Citizen Username: Bmalibashksa Post Number: 605 Registered: 7-2003 |
You can get a phone that uses phone cards. When the perpaid card is used up, no more calls. They have the cards for sale everywhere. http://www.cingular.com/buy/kic | ||
| SoOrLady Citizen Username: Soorlady Post Number: 304 Registered: 9-2003 |
vor - EVERY friend has one? Seems like a minor thing to me to let your daughter have a phone, you will then of course explain responsible cell phone behaivor and what will happen should she not use it responsibly or when she racks up more airtime than her alloted minutes. You will find as your daughter ages that you will have to "choose your battles" - some things are worth fighting about, some are not. A cell phone will make her happy and do little harm. | ||
| ros Citizen Username: Ros Post Number: 117 Registered: 5-2001 |
Tracfone is another service with a pre paid plan, you can purchase in 30, 60, 90 minute increments, you can add minutes online. Our 7th grader has one, and it's been very handy without being a large expense www.tracfone.com | ||
| vor Citizen Username: Vor Post Number: 134 Registered: 9-2003 |
My concerns are not financial, I believe we can control that aspect. I'm worried about the unfettered access a cell phone provides them. A friend asked what the difference was b/w a phone in her room and a cell phone. My reply was two-fold. first, she's not getting a phone in her room (just yet anyway), and, second, even if she did she is home under my roof and I can control that access. I've seen the harm that IMing has done to some friendships and self esteems, I can't see giving this unsupervised power (cell phones) to these children. Can these kids get into trouble and be mean to each other without the use of technology? Of course, but why give them more powerful tools. As parents we (my wife and I) are being labeled as too strict because of the limits we are placing on our kids. That's fine if it was only coming from the kids, but we've been hearing it from some other parents as well. I don't know, this isn't an exact science. As with all parents, we are learning as we go, and as SoOrLady says, we will have to pick our battles. However, I'm not convinced that a 13 year old using a cell phone can "do little harm". Now, my view might be different if I could get a phone that would record and store all of her conversations....  | ||
| Tom Reingold Citizen Username: Noglider Post Number: 1827 Registered: 1-2003 |
vor, yes, heavy damage is possible, but it's not likely. Most kids seem to get along OK even though the technologies have their dangers. I've read stories about taunting and insulting on IM and text. The problem with text abuse is that you have to change your phone number to get someone to stop abusing you. My older daughter is addicted to IM, so I limit her to an hour a day. In weighing the risks, you consider the potential damage and its cost, and you also consider the likelihood of that damage. Tom Reingold the prissy-pants There is nothing | ||
| ffof Citizen Username: Ffof Post Number: 1833 Registered: 5-2001  |
don't succumb to the peer pressure vor! My 15 yr old just got a cell phone this christmas! I'm sure she was the very last kid in town that age to get one. Before that I lent her mine if she was going to town or on a bus with school for sports. I also do what Really Trying said, which is they must call from a ground phone when they say they are at someone's house. I have my kids call every time they are about to go out from someone's house and then they call when they get to the next place. Keeps them honest. | ||
| vor Citizen Username: Vor Post Number: 135 Registered: 9-2003 |
ffof Another limit setter. Whew! I'm not alone. Thanks, I was starting to believe I was a really mean Dad. | ||
| jfburch Citizen Username: Jfburch Post Number: 1248 Registered: 6-2001 |
There was a great speaker last night at Seth Boyden, Dan Kindlon (sp?) and he would concur that a) limits are good and b) if you feel strongly about it you should stick to your guns even if they claim everyone has one and they hate you today (they won't later). (His book is Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age and might be worth a look.) | ||
| vor Citizen Username: Vor Post Number: 136 Registered: 9-2003 |
jfb Actually, my wife went to see the speaker at SB last night, which caused some discussion to take place at home last night since the dreaded "13th" birthday is approaching. She (my wife, that is)was very impressed with the speaker. BTW, I haven't gotten the "I HATE YOU" line yet. It will kill me when it comes, though. | ||
| Tom Reingold Citizen Username: Noglider Post Number: 1829 Registered: 1-2003 |
No, vor, it won't kill you. I promise. Maybe we should have a parenting section on this board. A bit of comiserating and advice sharing goes a long way. Tom Reingold the prissy-pants There is nothing | ||
| vor Citizen Username: Vor Post Number: 137 Registered: 9-2003 |
Tom Yes it does. Thanks to all for listening and offering your advice and opinions. It really does help to bounce things off of others. | ||
| tom Citizen Username: Tom Post Number: 1834 Registered: 5-2001 |
I was at SB last night, and the speaker was terrific. Hey, how DO you limit IM time? My daughter is addicted, too, but since we both work all day how can we keep track of the time she spends? Because, according to Dan, if you set limits you'd better enforce them. The tough thing with her is, she's a nearly straight-A student despite all of it, but she's wasting so much time. Also, text messaging on cell phones is murder. We got her one for Christmas and in two weeks she racked up $49 in charges (which she'll pay for). If you can get a plan without it, do so, because you don't really need for them to have it. | ||
| vor Citizen Username: Vor Post Number: 138 Registered: 9-2003 |
Tom Good question about IM limits. I was also wondering if there is any type of parental control software that can track IM usage. Anyone? Dave? Tom R? | ||
| kathy Citizen Username: Kathy Post Number: 719 Registered: 5-2001 |
We got my daughter a cell phone for Christmas when she was 15. She wasn't the last of her friends to get one, but far from the first. Now that she's 17 I can't think of any of her friends who doesn't have a cell phone. She has had a couple of periods when she inadvertently overused something (text messages, calls that she didn't realize were roaming) and we asked her to pay for them. But in general things have been okay. Yes, kids do use their phones a lot. There's a good side to that--no excuses for not keeping in touch, letting you know where they are, etc. In theory you can call them if they're late (although I've heard "I didn't have reception" more times than I can count). You can leave them messages if necessary while they're in school (where of course the phone will be turned off!) and they can retrieve them at the end of the day. I find it a little odd that vor's main concern seems to be that his daughter will use the phone to be mean to other children. That seems like an issue that needs to be addressed independent of the phone/no phone discussion. | ||
| Tom Reingold Citizen Username: Noglider Post Number: 1830 Registered: 1-2003 |
Lately, I believe my daughter is honest about her time on IM. Well, mostly. Sometimes she calls me at work and asks for permission to go on. That's no proof that she goes on at other times without asking me. We had a technology war a while back where I defeated IM and she re-enabled it. I'm a technologist by trade, and she hasn't been able to out-sysadmin me yet, and we really shouldn't approach it that way anyway. In other words, when there's a social problem, I don't believe in addressing it with technology. That said, here's some technical advice, since you asked. We use a home router. It's easy to disable the AIM login service by blocking the port number. It's a bit trickier with Yahoo, but my daughter is basically on AIM. Email me at noglider@pobox.com if you want technical details. I suppose I could set it up where I can remotely turn IM ability on and off from work, but I haven't had the need yet. T-Mobile offers a package of 500 text messages per month for $3. They also offer unlimited text messages for something like $10 but it's not available with the family plan for some reason. Basically, we're talking about addictive behavior, and if it's not one thing, it's another. I know this because I tend towards that, too, as you can see.  Thanks for that book recommendation. I'm really sorry I missed the talk. Tom Reingold the prissy-pants There is nothing |
