| Author | Message | ||
     Rudbekia Citizen Username: Rudbekia Post Number: 82 Registered: 3-2004 |
Does anyone else out there have a kid who hates doing homework (and going to school), who gets a perfect score on weekly word study tests without doing the assignments, but who maybe has difficulty with other areas (possibly due to complete lack of interest), and who just seems like he would be better off using his free time to pursue his own interests or engaging in very creative play? If so, please talk to me. I'm at a loss as to how to motivate my obviously very bright child to take any interest in school/homework whatsoever. I also completely understand his lack of interest. While I was an academic overachiever, I became progressively more and more bored as I advanced through school. I hate the idea of him spending 10 more years in this unhappy, brain-numbing, creativity-killing state. Or is that just the definition of public school? | ||
| Cathy Supporter Username: Clkelley Post Number: 746 Registered: 6-2002 |
Rudbekia, what grade is your kid in? Just curious - I am beginning to have similar (not exactly identical) issues. Has your kid been identified as gifted? | ||
| trapper Citizen Username: Trapper Post Number: 128 Registered: 8-2002 |
barf | ||
| Cathy Supporter Username: Clkelley Post Number: 747 Registered: 6-2002 |
What exactly makes you barf? It is incredibly difficult to get services for gifted kids because of this kind of attitude - you can't even "admit" your kid is gifted, it's like a disease. people feel free to stomp all over you if you want to discuss your issues. If you have a kid who's struggling in school, people would be all over you looking for ways to help. But God forbid your kid is bright enough to be bored in school and getting cynical about the process - nobody cares, and if you try to get help you're bragging. | ||
| Rudbekia Citizen Username: Rudbekia Post Number: 83 Registered: 3-2004 |
Hi, Cathy. He's in third grade. We had him independently evaluated in K, and while he wouldn't cooperate with the IQ testing portion of the evaluation, the seemingly very qualified neurodevelopmental pediatrician Kathleen Selvaggi-Fadden said, "He is almost certainly gifted" and went on and on about his high level of creativity and how he was one of the most interesting children she's evaluated. He has since seen a couple of therapists for his anxiety (which comes on when he is in school, usually much worse come February, when he's basically "had it" for the year) who both have said that he is one of the most creative children they've seen. His teachers this year and last have both suggested that he be evaluated by the school to figure out what's going on since there's clearly a discrepancy between cognitive ability and performance, but last year the child study team refused to evaluate him because he was not behind grade level. I don't know if I can afford another independent evaluation at this time. | ||
| ffof Citizen Username: Ffof Post Number: 3405 Registered: 5-2001  |
"I hate the idea of him spending 10 more years in this unhappy, brain-numbing, creativity-killing state. Or is that just the definition of public school?" Yeah, it's so bad that CHS seniors who went through all 13 years in the district just got in early decision to Yale, Princeton, Harvard, Tufts and Penn to name a few. | ||
| Cathy Supporter Username: Clkelley Post Number: 748 Registered: 6-2002 |
My daughter is less like that than just bored in school and getting cynical about homework. She does it, and she hangs in there, but she occasionally has surprisingly sharp, biting words to say about the process. I'm getting alarmed at so much cynicism in a kid so young. I wondered if your kid is < 4th grade, as that's apparently when the gifted programs start. They don't seem to know what to do with gifted kids younger than that grade. I'm just aching to discuss this with people in the same situation who won't "barf" on me for even asking about it. | ||
| Rudbekia Citizen Username: Rudbekia Post Number: 84 Registered: 3-2004 |
Trapper, I've got a little boy with a LOT of problems and let me tell you that I don't exactly appreciate your level of input. Whatever it is you have a problem with, I suggest you keep it to yourself and maybe have the common courtesy not to pile any more negativity and crap onto a mom who is at her wits' end on how to help her little boy. If you have some constructive help to offer, I'm all ears. | ||
| ffof Citizen Username: Ffof Post Number: 3406 Registered: 5-2001 |
Rud- I feel for you and sorry for being fairly flippant(after I just re-read my post), but cutting down the schools probably was not the best way to get a positive response. Anyway, almost no public school is going to fight to get him classified if he tests at grade level. But if it's that much of a problem, you're going to have to do the private testing on your own til you're satisfied and take it a step at a time. | ||
| Rudbekia Citizen Username: Rudbekia Post Number: 85 Registered: 3-2004 |
ffof, that's great. Bully for those kids. I highly doubt my kid will be one of them. I'll be surprised if we get through another couple years before the suicide attempts start. So maybe you could lay off, and appreciate the fact that there are some kids for whom this type of education may not be the "best fit," okay? Maybe you have something constructive to say. If not, please keep it to yourself and maybe think about someone's circumstances before posting about something that you clearly have no experience with. ffof, just saw your 2nd post, and apology accepted. It's been a really bad overtaxing week with him, lots of tears, too many tears for an 8-year-old to be crying over homework | ||
| ffof Citizen Username: Ffof Post Number: 3407 Registered: 5-2001 |
"posting about something that you clearly have no experience with." Now, you really would not know this. | ||
| Rudbekia Citizen Username: Rudbekia Post Number: 86 Registered: 3-2004 |
Okay, then ffof, please tell me all about your experiences with your child who had very similar problems as mine does and what you did to help him stop crying every night. | ||
| Rudbekia Citizen Username: Rudbekia Post Number: 87 Registered: 3-2004 |
Cathy, I know many parents who have children in your situation. Kids who are doing fine even great in school, do their homework, take some pride in it, take some pride in succeeding, but who are cynical about the process and would definitely benefit from a more stimulating curriculum. I wouldn't worry too much about her if this is the case. That's not my kid. My kid is barely present in school. His mind is off in an imaginary world, probably partly in order to cope with the anxiety that school causes him. He's withdrawing more and more on a daily basis. If the curriculum could be tailored to his interests, he'd probably excel. But since that's not possible, I have to find a way to make it possible for him to cope. I just have no idea whatsoever what that way is and am very fearful of what is to come. My comment about public schools simply meant that there are neither the time nor resources to devote to my child that he needs in order to succeed, and with each passing day there, I see the light in his eyes dying. He smiles much less, he's withdrawn. These are big concerns for me, and yes, they are all being caused by his experiences at school. Sorry if that rubs anyone the wrong way, but it just happens to be true. | ||
| Cathy Supporter Username: Clkelley Post Number: 749 Registered: 6-2002 |
One of the things you said resonates with me - "the child study team refused to evaluate him because he was not behind grade level." It seems that the only "specialness" that is attended to is some sort of "lack" in your kid, i.e. falling behind grade level. My kid's issues aren't the same as your kid - I can see that from what you wrote. The common element is that kids who are "special" in some sense - i.e. not learning in the same way as other kids, however that manifests itself - are ignored unless falling below grade level. My kid is way ABOVE grade level, which seems to be a sort of disease as far as I can tell from the reaction I get when I bring it up. I don't know much about the kind of anxiety / other problems you've described, so can't offer any concrete advice - I hope others here can offer sage, sound, do-able (i.e. not too expensive) suggestions. | ||
| ffof Citizen Username: Ffof Post Number: 3408 Registered: 5-2001 |
It's not my kid, it's my sister's. And I won't discuss the details on line, except to say that they (professionals - not the school) identified him as having a cognitive processing issue. THis resulted in him not ever wanting to focus on homework - would rather play with his legos etc. | ||
| sac Supporter Username: Sac Post Number: 1890 Registered: 5-2001 |
Another avenue to check into, if you haven't already, is the Center for Talented Youth (CTY) at Johns Hopkins University - http://www.jhu.edu/~gifted/. This won't solve your issues with the school but may provide another outlet for your child. They have summer and distance learning programs for children as young as 2nd grade, I believe. Somewhat pricey, unfortunately, but many of them sound really good. No first-hand experience to date with any of their programs, however. | ||
| Rudbekia Citizen Username: Rudbekia Post Number: 88 Registered: 3-2004 |
ffof--But what if my child has no cognitive processing disorder to blame this on? Based on the work he does do, no one on the child study team saw an issue when we had our meeting and he can produce wonderful work on stuff he's interested in. Cathy--what I've been told about the gifted program is that if your child is one that excels and is eager to please, she will be admitted to the gifted program (this requirement would automatically exclude my son, since he does nothing for school without pulling big molars first). There's not much to the program, though, from what I hear, but it might give a gifted child some recognition, which could serve as a form of encouragement. Yes, there's a big backlash among parents about giftedness. I understand it, but I don't condone it and I don't think there are enough opportunities at the elementary school level (don't know about any other level) to keep these kids too interested. You'll probably do best to supplement her education with outside enrichment classes. SAC--thanks for the info. Unfortunately, programs like John's Hopkins's are made for kids like Cathy's, not mine. | ||
| algebra2 Supporter Username: Algebra2 Post Number: 3029 Registered: 5-2001  |
Is it not normal for kids to be crying and throwing fits about having to do homework? Mine does -- is this going to lead to hime being suicidal??? As if I didn't have enopugh on my plate! | ||
| Rudbekia Citizen Username: Rudbekia Post Number: 89 Registered: 3-2004 |
I hope not, for your sake Algebra2. However, since it's obvious that you're just playing devil's advocate, I doubt you have anything to worry about if you're not worried already. Also, talking a lot about killing himself and how he wishes he were dead are two "dead" giveaways, just in case you're serious. Hitting himself a lot and talking about how he hates himself are others. I'm really surprised at the amazing insensitivity of other parents here. If there's any way that people who don't have these problems could refrain from posting here that would be great. I'd really just love to hear from anyone who has similar problems. Thanks so much. | ||
| sac Supporter Username: Sac Post Number: 1892 Registered: 5-2001 |
My child is in the Enrichment program and loves it! Wednesdays and Fridays are her favorite school days because of this. However, she generally enjoys school anyway, so not in the same situation overall. Enrichment certainly is not extensive on a class time basis, but what they do in two periods a week is great! Re admission to the Enrichment program - I don't think that it is subjective at all. I believe that if a child gets a certain percentile on the Terra Novas (or whatever the test of the year is), they are in. There is also an alternative criteria related to report card grades, but I don't think that both have to apply. I'm sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong. |
